Archives for October 2009

21Oct

Profundity

I wish I could say something profound, but the truth is that the last month was a painful tornado of events.  All of the old cliches are going through my head.  After picking up “stakes” and moving to Virginia, I find that I am intensely experiencing my life – moment by moment.  It’s fearful, it’s panicky and the old cliche is that – “if you run away, you might be bringing your biggest problem with you – yourself” keeps running through my head.

So as I intensely experience my moments, I am reaching deeply within and without for new options – options that have always been there, but options that I could not, would not acknowledge.  Really, it seems like that is what my life has been about, is this careful consciousness unfolding.  I learn new and then that newness allows me to move beyond that which was before.  It seems I have a great hunger, probably because what was, has stopped working for me and I could not hide or deny it anymore.

So I jumped on this opportunity to join a new world.  A world that really only offered superficial comforts.  I said good-by to relentless 90 degree weather and daily grueling and painful long distance commuting and moved to a place which instantly gave me fall temperatures and an 11 mile drive to work.  But what am I really doing?  I don’t know, I truly don’t know.

On the other hand, Eckhardt Tolle, refers to a knowing about what we must do in our lives.  He said that when we are supposed to take action we will know that we must do so – and that knowing happened to me.  Suddenly and without an agonizing decision process, it just happened.  So, I don’t know, yet I do know, very deep in my being that I must be here, here in Virginia, opening my consciousness and moving on.  Maybe, just maybe those things that I have been unwilling to see and acknowledge will clarify themselves to me and open my universe to new possibilities.  Possibilities be damned: open myself to the whole universe and allow my little suffocating world to dance in the wind.