Archives for March 2011
Number one is this: I love falling in love, I love being in love and I love staying in love. These are three different processes and require three different ways of being. Number two is this: your internal construct of yourself must be someone who can be a part of a couple. If you are a lone ranger, then you cannot be part of a couple, if you are a maniacal diva, you cannot be part of a couple. Plain and simple, you must be able to see yourself as part of a two.
Number one, falling in love: the first person you must fall in love with is yourself. You must know that you are beautiful and that you have the best traits that you believe you should have. Be aware of all about you that is lovely, profound, and clever. What you do have must be identified and applauded. Dig out all the information that you can dig out about you and then consciously appreciate it. By appreciating yourself, you become capable of giving yourself in your full glory to someone else. See this: I love falling, being and staying in love. Note that I say I love… these are all things that I want to do. You must consciously say I want to love, if you want to meet a man and keep a man. You must make a commitment to the process if it is something that you really want in your life.
Number two, your internal construct must be congruent with being in a couple. If you are fiercely independent, is there really room in your life for a man? If you are a diva; is there really room in your life for anyone else besides yourself? Do you feel good about yourself? Can you give your goodness to someone else? Are you available to caring for yourself enough to be loved? You can only have another if you are willing to be loved, and you can only be willing if you firmly believe that you are worth being loved. It’s not an easy row to hoe. I say love, which is the most rewarding experience there is, is also one of the most difficult. You must be a willing heart who believes in love. You must also believe in yourself. Can you? Do you?
Humans are not very good at it. The universe is ignorant to the existence of fairness and so – fairness does not exist very much.
He tells me again that “people do not understand, they think I am taking this too well.” I am thinking to myself that I do not see how anyone could mistake this man’s grief. How could anyone not see how heavily his grief lays upon all things? As this man walks, his grief precedes him. I am thinking that he apologizes for interrupting me, but he should apologize for bringing his grief with him. As he speaks to me, I feel his grief. My eyes tear up. Then I remember my own mother’s death, there are no specifics and no details, it is simply a matter of the grief. He speaks to me some more and his words are not important. Again I feel my eyes burning; it hurts to be near him. I wish for him to go away. I know that there are things that I may do to help him, but first he must go away. I will help him when my intellect returns to replace my grief – my grief that is his grief.
If you have been talking for so long that you forgot the point, let me just tell you, you have been talking for too long.
She: “What? Really? I thought we were going to do those things together.”
He: “Well you can come, I need to get started back and I didn’t know what you would want.”
She: “I want to come; I thought we were doing these things together.”
He: “Please come, you can come.”
The next morning:
He: “So, we are going to the gym tonight, be ready after work.”
She: “Why are you trying to boss me? I’m not going to the gym tonight.”