Archives for September 2012
How do we assure that people do not treat us badly? We must let them know in an unrelenting conversation what the effect of their behavior is on ourself. It’s important that we do this from the beginning of the relationship and not wait until we are being abused.
I mean this! Start with your infant. It is quite the thing these days to allow the child to run the household. We know that this is not the correct way of doing things, but it is the easy way to do things. Conflict is difficult and who wants to participate in anything that is difficult? Easier to let the “wild child” to just run free.
If you have a “wild child” you make a mistake if you let this child run free. I’ll admit that parenting is a complex combination of who-I-am and who-you-are; it is important for parents to remember that kids NEED real limits placed on their behavior. It’s not an option to gallivant and roam freely in this United States. To allow a child to think this, is an error for the child. The child grows up with expectations of an easy-going world, which, of course, does not exist.
Do the difficult thing including the nurture, nourish, it’s the right thing to do…
When we say beauty is “right” we are, by implication, saying that “ugly” is wrong. For some people, anything less than outright glamour is anathema. I do not wish to be unpopular by saying that the ceaseless pursuit of all things fashion is silly, no, my message is far broader than that. What I want to say is, the most beautiful people are sometimes ugly to look at. Sometimes the plainest people are the most remarkable.
It is okay to (OMG) be old. It is okay to NOT look like you are 22 years old. Acceptance, yes, that is the point, acceptance.
They don’t realize that being “right” is nothing more than a point of view.
As we processed over this five day exercise, we all became very excited about the possibilities that we could see blooming within us. Yes, I really am a powerful woman! I shared with the other participants in the training. On the fourth day we began discussing the true point of our gathering which was to learn our purpose, as if there was an eternal, right and correct purpose in the universe that the wise and enlightened would follow. What was revealed on that fourth day of the training is that there is no purpose in life. Purpose is what you make it. I remember the pervasive disappointment of that day. We really wanted a prize for all of our efforts, we wanted a statement and a rightness to our work. And the truth was and still is that our purpose lies within us, not without. There is no way to find a purpose from a training or a book, we must bring the value to what we do and we must do what we bring value to.
Our true purpose is to create purpose. What is the purpose of going off to work every day? What is the purpose to feeding the fish? What is the purpose of the one-up-manship games that we play with each other? It is up to us to feel it, intuit it and then to make our activity reflect our purpose. It is up to us to give purpose to our activity.
This brings me to my next related point, a segue shall we say? Yesterday I bought a new dress to wear to an upcoming party. It’s a nice sun dress and my granddaughter loved it. The truth is that no one will really notice what I wear, and those who do will think one of two things, either “that looks ridiculous” or “isn’t she beautiful and elegant”. I think it’s important to point all of that out, because when it comes right down to it, the purpose of the new dress is so that I feel good, so that I feel beautiful and elegant and really it doesn’t matter how anyone else sees it. Their opinions will be reflections of whether or not they like or dislike me and in the end, have no bearing on my truth.
I think that it is important to know that our purpose is our own and that what we do, whether it be buying a new dress or working hard to help people in need, it is all about what is inside of us, not outside. And since this is so, we should look inside for our answers as they always reside there, with our heart.
And I agree with that, I really agree with all of that. Yet, it is incomplete. My experience has been that there have been times when I have loved unconditionally, had my love beaten and bludgeoned, and the love remains. So, what I find is that I must separate myself from this person, who does not receive and does not understand my love. So, I end up loving from afar and faithfully, committedly keeping the toxicity away from myself. Sometimes, it all comes down to discipline. Just because I love you does not mean that I must take care of you, feed you, make love to you, or even be in your presence. Love just does not mean that. Love is an emotion, and while it is a powerful provocateur, love is not action. Action comes from decision.