Archives for April 2016
The high heel is uncomfortable and discourages walking. For many, many years I wore them anyway. My legs are gorgeous and always have been, but boy, with a hi heel, they are magnificent. It wasn’t the best choice. First, I did not need to mate. I had a great husband and more kids than I could handle. I received so much positive attention, I thought it was worth while. In retrospect, not so much.
Walking on high heels damages your body and leads you to a sedentary lifestyle. Both of these facts are not good for you as a person. I have been reflecting on why women do these things and I think it has something to do with advertising and emulating the rich. Advertising tells us to emulate the rich and unfortunately, we do it. What is nail polish but a way to prove that we don’t engage in manual labor? What are hi heels, past mating, they are but a way to prove that we live in leisure and elegance. Unfortunately, advertising has a powerful effect on human behavior.
I am very proud of my second cousin – www.Whitneydolo.com, as she explores body mythology and body identity. Whitney was born missing an arm and a leg. She is committed to finding herself and being a woman. She is doing a great job.
She encourages me to speak out. I have long believed that the female culture is a farce. I say so now because it is time. Thank you Whitney. 😍😝
She sat in front of me tearfully requesting this promotion that was available to all applicants on the ‘floor’.
I had reviewed all applications and the woman sitting in front of me had never advanced her education beyond her GED that she had earned over 40 years ago. I almost didn’t believe that she was sitting in front of me making this request. So I asked her, “Did you take any classes at all after high school?” “Anything?”
“No” she replied. I looked at her application and then I looked up at her. She told me about how her husband was unemployed and that her kid could not get a job paying more than minimum wage. She told me how hard she was struggling to keep her family “afloat”. I could feel her pain. Later, when I was alone, I cried for her and her family.
There are a couple of doubts that I have when a staff member is not interested in training and has not completed any post high school continuing education:
1. I fear that their own personal life is so consuming they don’t have time for anything else.
2. I fear that they feel that they do not need to learn, they already know everything.
3. I fear that they believe through some level of superiority, either because they are smart or handsome or even ‘experienced’ that they do not have to get an education.
4. I fear that they do not have any perception about the external world, credentialing is a crucial element in building a career. How could anyone miss the importance of credentialing?
5. I fear that this person has never felt a connection to a career, but rather, has just grown old in a “job”.
6. I fear that they expect a gift, rather than the reality of a competitive environment that needs production.
I cannot “give” a job to anyone. Because I am a professional manager, I will always go with the most well qualified candidate. Sometimes, the only thing that matters is experience; however, that is not often the case. I look for knowledge, attitude, willingness to learn and engagement to the work. The knowledge necessary pertains to the subject matter, the attitude necessary is an attitude of getting the job done well and willingness means that the staff member realizes that it is necessary to be open to learning and that means putting yourself in a place of learning and even challenging your own abilities. As far as engagement is concerned, I find that those who are disenfranchised do the least amount of work with the least amount of effort, often leaving their own errors for others to correct. This kind of behavior is a morale killer.
So no, I cannot “give” you a promotion. Though you may get angry with me and feel that I am unfair because you believe that your “experience” warrants this promotion, it won’t change reality to be angry. When I understand how you feel, I will be even more disappointed with you. So please, figure YOU out and please, leave me on the sidelines of your analysis.
You know grief intimately; and so you know that there is no relief that you can give. You must stand by and watch the tears flow and absorb the pain that is in the moment.
S/he really is a bastard, but you just won’t admit it.
Lots of people are not trustable and it is sometimes very difficult to tell who they are. The next issue is that I want to trust them. I want them to be in my life, or they are in my life out of necessity and happenstance and I don’t know what to do with the knowledge that they are selfish and irresponsible to our relationship. I keep trying to make things different and have the inevitable experience of disappointment.
I even have a sign in my office that says “quit expecting and then being disappointed.” Again and again, I reach out to those that do not like me, those that enjoy doing me harm, those who are comfortable with causing discomfort. I believe that if we need to be together because of necessity or happenstance, that we should be happy together. The only other way to be is suspicious and guarded and I DO NOT WANT THAT.
So, how do I stay somewhere in the middle? I don’t want to be paranoid and avoid everyone and I don’t want to be the stupid patsy who gets tricked over and over again by letting people in?
If I know that you do not wish me well, and yet, you must be in my life, how do I treat you? How do I treat you after you have caused damage and pain to me? How do I treat you from day to day, when I understand fully that you would harm me if you could?
I know this: I harm myself when I invite you in. Over and over again you reject me, I try no more.