• Economy of Effort,  Fibromyalgia,  Mental Illness,  Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life,  Womens Issues

    Life Energy and Illness

    I often wonder that our life energy is a finite resource. You are born with an amount of energy, and you cannot have more, no matter how you live. You can definitely get less, but never more. It makes me think that I must be careful with the energy that I have. Some events take huge amounts of energy without conscious expenditure. People don’t realize that life is taking their energy, stealing it to pay for healing a damaged body, or even a damaged heart. Research tells us that stress and the fight or flight response increases cortisol in our bodies.

    These responses to life’s challenges consume our life energy. Instead of a day of life energy, we may lose a month of energy to an awful stressor. Pain can consume us. It can burn through our energy stores like a forest fire on steroids. Great emotional pain is not an exception.

    Life Energy as a Commodity

    As teenagers, we have no awareness of our own energy and certainly none of anyone else’s energy. We believe that all things in our lives are there forever. We don’t believe in our own ability to change and transform. Our lives are permanent as is our constellation of others that we live and love with. This ignorance leads us to spend our energy recklessly.

    We are often fearless and don’t acknowledge a future of aging and our own mortality. The biggest challenge is aging into Fibromyalgia and looking back at those levels of energy and that standard of living.

    There is a well-established link between childhood trauma and chronic illness. Life energy is stolen by childhood trauma, whatever that trauma is / was, the expenditure of life energy to manage the trauma is life altering for the victims.

    teddy bear worn and torn lying on the concrete
    Lost Childhood by trym-nilsen from Unsplash

    These life beginnings are stored deep within our bodies and stay lurking in the shadows. They haven’t gone anywhere, but you couldn’t tell 22 year old me that my life energy had been drained away by the vampires of my childhood. I would have told you that all of that was behind me and that my future was my own.

    As my youth unfurled in front of me. I used my life energy mercilessly. Mothering took 31 years from beginning to the last 18-year-old completed high school. Those years were no holds barred, I worked as hard as necessary to provide everything I could to each and every one of them. That is what made me proud and happy, trying anything to give my children what they needed. I worked full time and went to school at night and when I became single I worked two jobs often.

    We moved often (awful landlords) and I could move an entire household in 3 days and return to work on Monday. I was often exhausted but never acknowledged it.

    Back to the Research

    A retrospective study doesn’t prove causation. A retrospectives study is when researchers ask you about your past life. Researchers notice what is called a correlation. That means that wow, a lot of x ends up when people are y. An example of this is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which has a correlation with childhood sexual abuse.

    For people who are diagnosed with BPD, we notice that a majority of them have suffered through childhood sexual abuse. There is no proof that childhood sexual abuse causes BPD, but clearly there is a relationship. This is what is true with fibromyalgia, there is no proof that childhood trauma causes fibromyalgia, but a lot of people who have fibromyalgia suffered through childhood trauma.

    Childhood Trauma then Life…

    It is my theory that it is a function of life energy. Life energy that is sucked away by the horrible stressors of being exposed to trauma and pain in childhood. That spent life energy cannot be earned back and so it must be paid for later in life.

    Fibromyalgia can be many things, but it is primarily pain and fatigue. Of course, pain causes fatigue, but again, there is a deep and abiding fatigue that is the basis within which this illness lives.

    This fatigue stops activity dead in its tracks. This fatigue sends the patient to bed often and unwillingly.

    Life energy is not a popular concept because it implies a finite amount of energy. Instead of being scary, perhaps it can be appreciated more for what it is; a valuable commodity for living a beautiful life.

    Ka Age Institution
  • Baby Boomers,  Management,  Psychology of Life,  Womens Issues,  Work

    She’s Gone

    There She Goes

    The woman who needs make-up

    She wore it every day

    Her outfits were always to die for

    She never missed a sale.

    There she goes

    The woman who wears stockings

    But Comfortable shoes

    And a pretty hair clip

    With bobby pins to match

    There she goes

    Dane Deaner of Unsplash

    The woman who needs to buy lipstick

    The woman in a hurry to finish laundry

    She sails through the grocery store

    Wishing for the promised nap

    There she goes

    Rushing towards what is next

    Hoping she doesn’t see her ex   

    Finding a make-up remover that’s gentle

    Her fingernails always need help

    There she goes

    Is the phone charged

    Does the car have gas

    Has her oldest found a babysitter

    Will she get some rest

    There She Goes

    There is always something next

    Always somewhere to be

    Always someone to see

    Always a new need

    And There She’s gone

    There’s no need for lipstick

    No need to track down sales

    And why does she need that make up?

    Or those earrings?

    And She’s gone

    No one cares about her shoes, if

    They don’t fit, so what, no one is looking

    There’ll be no more phone calls,

    Because no one is calling

    She’s gone

  • Congress,  Corporate Greed,  Economic Equality (A Goal),  Poverty,  Psychology of Life

    The Audacity of Those Who Believe they are above the Law

    and How they Use Meritocracy to Justify

    And they are trained to it. They are trained to believe that they are better. That’s what the myth of Meritocracy is all about.

    This Woman Works 40 hours a week and cannot afford a car.

    If you MERIT more, then you get more. How do you merit more? In America, you have to be a white man. What American slang will say is “right off rip” you get more in life by virtue of being a white man. But wait, that’s not merit! Well yeah, yeah it is~ Google AI says:

    • Noun:
      • Worth or superior quality
      • Excellence
      • A deserving or commendable quality or act
      • Something deserving reward, praise, or gratitude
      • A reward or honor given for superior qualities or conduct
      • A grade in an exam or for a piece of work at school or university that is very good

    Note that the very first line says, “worth or superior quality”. If you have been around any fraternity, you will notice that each and every person in the fraternity feels that they “merit” a better life than others.

    And yet, here is the truth about our American system:

    Twitter:
    @DarrigoMelanie

    Walmart reported $453 million in profits last quarter. They’ve spent $1.3 billion on stock buybacks this year. Their CEO received $24.1 million in compensation last year. More than half of Walmart’s employees still earn less than a living wage.

    Many people believe that this is a just system. Those who are managing this system obviously believe that it is a just system, but what about everyone else? Many of my friends look down on others and they use meritocracy to justify it.

    Work in America, Library of Congress

    People all over the world practice one upmanship on each other. This is a survival skill. Being on the bottom of the “regard” pile is unsafe. Everyone treats you badly and you could be murdered here. Murder can occur without thought and without anyone knowing and without anyone caring.

    This is the danger you are in if you are at the bottom of the humanity pile.

    How do we humans get to safety? How is it possible to make us all safe? Mark ourselves safe from each other: One upmanship, that’s how. If I am “better” than you, I am more valuable to my community, therefore a threat will see YOU (the lesser being) being sacrificed. The people who own Walmart do give money to others. They give money to politicians because they want to make sure that the minimum wage is not increased. That is how they “merit” billions of dollars by keeping the minimum wage very low.

    How do Politicians Control Costs for the Wealthy?

    According to the Fulcrum: “Many of us have worked from home during the pandemic, but not everybody has that luxury. Have you been to your local grocery store? Minimum wage workers who have kept food on our tables have been called “frontline heroes” – and yet when the chance arose to increase their wage to $15 an hour, the proposal was voted down. And the vote was not just along party lines – eight Democrats joined Republicans in rebuffing the bill.”

    You can bet that the majority of those who voted against increasing the minimum wage are: White, Male and people who are not affected by minimum wage, ever. Thank you Congress, for stampeding all over poor people.

    How Does Walmart Do It?

    The formula for American companies is to artificially depress the cost of the service or product by using “slave” labor. This formula allows the company to keep the profits high and those profits go directly into the pockets of owners and shareholders.  The companies can’t control any other costs effectively: Who can control energy costs or the effectively: Who can control energy costs or the cost of plastic?

    To My Friend Mary~

    No Mary, giving people a living wage does not threaten YOU. It threatens the billionaires because their profit decreases. Don’t worry, they will just pay Congress to put more money in their own pockets. There now Mary, rest easy, you can still afford your spa treatments.

  • Baby Boomers,  Corporate Greed,  Justice, the Human Construct,  Medicare,  Politics

    Medicare and the Ethos of Congress

    Medicare Part D is a Vicious Lie that Keeps Insurance Companies Wealthy at the Expense of the Elderly.

    Please note that I am disabled (newly 5 years ago) and am reaching my Medicare age also. And note that I have a master’s degree in public health. 

    This past year I went with the lowest Part D Prescription coverage available. The reason I did was because my medications come primarily from Costco and it is all cash, so medications are cheaper there than my Medicare D insurance copays.

    National Cancer Institute

    The mistake was that I had to go on a new and expensive prescription in December, after I made all of my Medicare elections. I was diagnosed with COPD and was given Trelegy. This medication has helped me so much. I had started going to a cardiologist to find out why I was so breathless. He did several studies on me and I have no heart problems. I should have guessed COPD because I am a recovered cigarette addict. I smoked for so many years, it was ridiculous. Of course I was due for lung problems.

    My “donut hole” started in July. I’ve been paying 180.00 per month for Trelegy since August. With expensive medications, you need an expensive plan and I had chosen a cheap Medicare D plan (after all, I buy the majority of my medications for cash from Costco).

    The Agony of Medicare D

    For a couple of reasons, I’ve waited to get my estimates for the new year’s part D coverage and costs. It’s been a rough year. I have all new doctors because of my geographical move. I had to change several medications, partly because of new doctors and partly because my body just couldn’t continue the medication.

    Here I am once again looking down this corridor of ridiculous medication prices and impossible conditions that I cannot get away from.

    Buying Medications and HealthCare in America Should NOT be a Rip-Off

    More than sixty five million Americans are on Medicare. The insurance companies are cheating each and every one of us. They overcharge for premiums for medication and they certainly overcharge the United States enough to provide care (if an Advantage plan) and yet they do not provide care. The insurance companies fight patients to stop health care that they don’t want to pay for. That’s what prior authorization is, a way to stop a patient from getting care, a way to say no. The point is to ensure that insurance is profitable, insurance companies don’t care about patient care. We know this and yet it continues. Original Medicare does NOT require prior authorization, that’s because it’s health care, which is left to health professionals.

    I don’t understand how Medicare part D insurance works, but let me tell you that with insurance, I pay MORE for my medications than if I just pay cash at Costco. And the double dealing doesn’t stop there. Read this excerpt from the Medicare website about part D deductibles.

    Deductibles per Medicare:

    “This is the amount you must pay each year for your prescriptions before your Medicare drug plan pays its share.

    Deductibles vary between Medicare drug plans. No Medicare drug plan may have a deductible more than $505 in 2023 ($545 in 2024). Some Medicare drug plans don’t have a deductible. In some plans that do have a deductible, drugs on some tiers are covered before the deductible.”

    What I want to know is does the deductible count for anything? Does it count against my annual out-of-pocket expense for my drugs? These deductibles are high! I can’t find anywhere that Medicare addresses this or any practical financial questionnnnnnnnnnn.

    Back to Shopping for the Plan

    As a Medicare recipient, I am shopping right now for the best plan for me. It’s a long and tedious process – what my daughter calls a “rabbit hole”.

    Again, I buy a substantial number of my prescriptions from Costco for cash. Let me show you the difference between buying with a premium drug plan and cash:

    With my new drug plan the cost of Baclofen is:

    Baclofen 10mg tablet$62.26
    Medicare Website

    If I pay cash, no Medicare D insurance:

    • Baclofen              $16.79
    • from the Costco Website, drug pricing
    Albuterol sulfate hfa 108 (90 Base)mcg/act aerosol solution$55.57
    Medicare Website

    If I pay cash, no Medicare D insurance:

    • Albuterol Sulfate               $11.49
    • Costco Website

    I’m going through the trouble of copy and paste because this happened on 10/26/23! I compared prices and this is what I found.

    Why are Americans paying MORE for medications with insurance than without? WHY? Help me understand what kind of back room politics pulled off this deal?

    Most of my medications are like this, cheaper with Costco than with insurance. I need the insurance for medications like Trelegy. It’s $500.00 per month and the only way that I can afford it is with insurance. I pay $180.00 per month for Trelegy. Before I got into the donut hole it was $40.00 per month.

    How did the drug companies convince Congress to allow the drug companies to cheat the American people into poverty?

  • Psychology of Life

    Software and the Old Lady

    Johanna Baynard

    Johanna Baynard

    4 min read

    My husband and I got into a roaring argument about Society’s dismissal of older women. Older women’s experience is of no consequence, and older women are barely tolerated in society.

    Photo by Ravi Patel on Unsplash

    Guess who the old lady is? It is I. He exhorts me not to respond to the bland dismissal that everyone has for old women. It is bizarre to me that such a valuable commodity (old women) would be dismissed so heartily. It is as if we have been relegated to the old clothes pile, never to be considered again.

    Yesterday I was at the Emergency Room because of a UTI and intense pain in my back. I have an extensive medical history that I have kept track of assiduously. I have had back surgery and now have a spinal cord stimulator. It takes a bit of effort to keep my pain manageable. So here is quandary #2: disability. People really do not know what to do with disability and illness. (Beside the point for this paper, apologies.)

    The P.A. assigned to me asked me about how I was feeling and made a comment that my back treatment history was extensive. I asked him how he knew that. He smiled coyly as if he was a magician revealing a trick, and even commented that he was magic. I was asking because I wanted to know which set of medical records he was viewing so that we could be on the same page. I asked him again, he smiled again, next to me I could feel my husband stiffening up. He could tell that I was losing my patience with Mr. Magician who knew nothing about medical records. The records he was viewing were over two years old — old information that was irrelevant to our life now. Most facilities have contracts for medical records, but they do not share with other facilities that are out of their own network. Because of this you may have several sets of medical records, interspersed with your providers. Medical Records are not integrated.

    Photo by Ravi Patel on Unsplash

    I did not want to confront the P.A. and with my husband stiffening up, I gave in. I let him be magical. (Whatever.)

    At 12:30, I told him that we had to leave and asked if he would finish recordkeeping so that we could pick up prescriptions. Again, at 1:00 he is the coquette, look at all I have done for you, I faxed your prescriptions to…

    I looked at my husband. I looked at the P.A., “can you change this for me please? We have moved and this information is ancient.” The P.A. replied, “but this is what you told me.” He realized his error and back tracked. I hadn’t told him anything, remember the magician, he knows it all? He made us wait another 15 minutes, which was completely unnecessary. He even walked into the waiting room with my paperwork and turned around to help someone else. He was obviously resentful about the correction. Why?

    In the meantime, they sent my records to a primary care doctor that I no longer have. They had not updated anything, even though I asked.

    On my end, getting the prescriptions straightened out was difficult. He had not cancelled the original prescription and so when the correct pharmacy went to fill the prescription there was a duplicate that had to be removed. — All of that because old ladies are to be dismissed, devalued and ignored.

    Later that evening we were having a family gathering. I was having trouble with my words, most definitely. My granddaughter was describing how she met her boyfriend and she said “he DMed me”. To which I responded, “what software were you using when he did that?” My granddaughter said Instagram. Then my daughter-in-law laughed at me and said, “well she wasn’t using Quickbooks”. I’m guessing that the point was that an ap-plication is not software. Again, I am feeling like huh? Software includes applications. How do applications work? Well, they are software.

    Why is it so important for us to one-up each other? It is a continual game that I see people playing constantly. When are we to the point of letting it go? I don’t think safety and security reduces it; indeed, I’ve seen safety and security increase the need for one-upmanship to the point of creating exclusive enclaves that no one is welcome to unless they meet this criterion.

    Why is this old lady’s question ignored? Why is this old lady’s statement about software laughed at? What have I done to make these others treat me this way? I have grown old.

  • Justice, the Human Construct,  Personal Growth,  Politics,  Psychology of Life,  World Affairs

    Self-Deception is all the Rage in the United States

    I’m not surprised that Trump and his ilk are having a heyday. You know that humans want to believe what they need to believe to make their own lives okay and even tolerable.

    What makes Country & Western so popular is the notion that blue color workers, though disenfranchised, are the backbone of America. They work hard, fulfill their promises, and love their dogs. These notions have shaped the American blue-color worker for generations. Along with these beliefs are those that shape the American woman, a woman who “stands by her man”, bears children and cares for everything related to the home. The Christians stand at the ready to provide a wealth of identifying beliefs in order to keep this picture in place.

    The same dynamic occurred with Blues Music. A rebellious strength became the clarion call for the southern African American. These identities were also propagandized by the Christians. Jesus Christ is seen as the first rebel against such injustice. Again, women are called to Christianity and the feminine ideology for “a good woman”.

    Why its Not Working

    The problem with these identity structures (as with any identity structures) is that they require a set of belief systems that are unreal for our current world. In my private conversations and in many public conversations I see over and over again that factual information MUST be ignored in order to verify pre-existing beliefs. Any new science that occurs in the world must be disproven or ignored, otherwise the picture-perfect belief fails. This can be disastrous for how people view themselves.

    I am Not a Forgetful Old Man

    An example of self-correcting belief systems is from my book club. My friend “Ethel’s” husband becomes angry with her when she tells him that he has forgotten something, either an appointment or a screwdriver, it doesn’t matter the subject matter. According to her, his real reason for being angry is that he is in his seventies and he is afraid of dementia. He sees himself as a strong resilient human being and doesn’t want to believe that he is growing old. He “corrects” by blaming Ethel for his forgetfulness; thus, he is relieved of reality and can go on thinking that he is NOT a forgetful old man.

    People do these kinds of personal affirmations in their lives on the daily. Our culture encourages it, just look at your Facebook feed for examples. It seems these cultural challenges are infecting every part of the American life on the daily.

    JB Collection

    So out of this American righteousness rises Ron DeSantis, current governor of Florida. He gets a lot of face time with Fox News. America has been challenged with the truth of its history and its current extremes of inequality. Americans falter with what they see as a challenge to the identity of America. America, the free nation (as long as you are wealthy), America, the righteous nation (as long as you are a practicing Christian) and now America the woke nation (whoops-not so fast). Ron DeSantis wants to reassure you that wokeness does not exist and it’s okay to ignore the reality that is today.

    We are good people, AND we did wrong things…

    Do we have to admit that slavery is wrong? Do we have to admit to perpetrating cruelty onto an entire race of people? Do we? DeSantis says that we do not have to admit to anything.

    Ron DeSantis’ general counsel defined Woke as: “A view that there are systemic injustices in American society and the need to have policies that address [them].”

    Wikipedia is more specific in its definition: Woke (/ˈwoʊk/ WOHK) is an adjective derived from African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) meaning “alert to racial prejudice and discrimination“.

     We, who are Americans, are struggling against the concept that we have done something wrong. This is why birth control is a struggle, we don’t want to admit that our earlier concepts about our world are wrong for today. And that’s what Woke means. We may have needed the old beliefs, but the time is now and we are not then.

  • Baby Boomers,  It is What it is...,  Psychology of Life,  Womens Issues

    Hating Myself and it’s Stupid

    Stop hating on yourself! Ugh. So much of my life was about being beautiful, being attractive, being pretty. It is hard to believe that I am not now that…

    I was never able to explain to my husband that it was okay to not be “hot”, because God knows I was tired of being hot.

    Being Attractive can be it’s Own Hell

    I was constantly harassed, called, followed, received lewd comments and always the proposition. Are you kidding me? It was always an issue. I’ve even had my share of stalkers, yes.

    I wanted it all out of my life. Do I really have to listen to people drone on and on about how they are hung up on me?

    No.

    I don’t. Really I don’t.

    So here I am hating myself because I have gained 30 pounds which makes me less than attractive. It’s what I wanted. I wanted people to stop hitting on me and pushing me to have sex with “them”.

    “Long Ago Woman” JB Collection

    I’ve gotten old, of course, now 64. That (and being married) helps to stop people pressing me for “more” out of the relationship. The most effective “stop” sign is my weight. Adding 30 pounds has turned off any chance of having admirers. Even hubby isn’t sure (of course, he loves me).

    I caught myself hating myself. I was looking at my thighs and I was hating on my own body. What is that about? I’ve actually relaxed and I am enjoying life. Why am I hating on my own body? That is ridiculous. I love myself and should be loving my body!

    There is this complicated relationship between my body and I. I’m hating on the fat that I have; at the same time that I am saying that the “skinny body” sexiness is bull and is an awful misrepresentation of women. Real women don’t look like models, although lots of them try very hard to mimic the look.

    I need to find a way to be okay with my body. I need to find a way to embrace the me that is and let go of that long ago woman who could conquer a room by walking into it.

    This is me, UGH.

  • Economy of Effort,  It is What it is...,  Love and Relationships,  Management,  Philosophy,  Psychology of Life,  Wise Words

    What you need to Know about Life in 2023

    The tree compensates for imbalance by growing a long and heavy limb in the opposite direction of its tilt. JB

    1. Serendipity is your friend. People are beautiful, but only if you believe it. A big smile helps.
    2. Changes don’t trickle in; they move with a big whoosh. Move away from the coast and for heaven’s sake, get out of Florida.
    3. You can’t have it all, where you put your life force, is your result, so work hard first, then create a family.
    4. If you already have the family, then nurture them, there is no shortcut in parenting.
    5. Trust yourself implicitly. Sometimes, you will invest in a bad relationship anyway, when you do, forgive yourself immediately.
    6. Blame is a variable and you can invariably blame anyone that you like, any time that you like.
    7. Take responsibility for your actions, after all, no one else is “driving” you, you are driving you. That includes traffic: leave early.
    8. Figure out ways to love who you love: a touch, a smile, a kiss or a moment. Make sure that it lasts by giving your authentic self to the relationship.
    9. Right, Resentment, Revenge: keep the 3 Rs from ruining your life. You may be right, but you will end up wrong when your resentment turns to revenge.
    10. Go ahead and go to therapy. You can learn everything you need to know to get by with life.
    11. Discipline – it works when you have it. Make it easy for yourself to be disciplined. If it is too hard to be disciplined, you will not do it.
    12. Some days, weeks and even months are awful. It is what it is. (I hate that saying.)
    13. Learn balance ~
    14. Know when enough is enough. Don’t linger in a situation that is bad for you. You will know when it is bad.
    15. Good enough is enough. Perfection is over-rated.
  • Love and Relationships,  Personal Growth,  Philosophy,  Psychology of Life,  Womens Issues

    The Darkness Between You and I

    I’m not sure what to do with the emotional energy that comes about as the result of a betrayal perpetrated on me.

    Angry at You
    Angry at You (Dollar Gill at Unsplash)

    There are the hurt feelings, the wish for revenge, and the desire to scream out how ridiculous this situation is. I want a confrontation; I want the chance to tell others how I feel about this awful situation.

    I can’t do it. It would cause a rift in this family, the likes of which could damage us. This is about people that I love unconditionally. They are doing what they learned to do in their childhood. I saw this behavior in my husband, but he quickly obliterated it from his repertoire.

    There is this human thing about wanting to be better than others. It is a reason why racism is still rampant in this country: there must be someone that is less than us, there must be someone that we can disparage. As humans, we just want that chance to be on top.

    There is this other filthy habit, called gossiping. When it is combined with our need to be better than others, it can be deadly. People who have been taught to gossip can and will unashamedly talk in nasty ways about someone they know. This is something they must do in the dark, they cannot and do not dare to say ugly things to the person’s face.

    Therein lies the sadness and betrayal. This activity that the perp engages in must be done in secret, in the dark. This way, the untruth of the gossip and the necessary superiority gets to grow like a bacterial infection.

    The more it is expressed, the more real it becomes, but only to the perps, not to anyone else.

    Tolle on Letting Go

    This is the basis of separation between you and I. When you express your dislike for me and your disregard for others, you are separating yourself from me and mine.

    Perhaps that is the goal of such communication. You stand there in your (holier than thou) enclave, gated in your community, doing for yourself and no other.

  • Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life,  Wise Words

    The Source Matters

    I’m not sure why, but the source of an injury can dictate mood and feelings afterwards.

    So yesterday, at my usual Renal Pharm scan, I got into a conversation with the technician. She had a lot to say about a patient that she has who is extremely angry and bitter.

    This lady had a hysterectomy years ago. When the surgeon was repairing an issue with her surgery, he nicked her ureter. For those of you who, like me, don’t know a thing about urination, it’s actually easy. First the liquids go to the kidney which is below the liver and the lungs. We have one kidney on the left side and one on the right side. The kidneys have a little straw shaped object called the ureter that carries the liquid to the bladder. The bladder then “squeezes” the urine out of the body.

    National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

    Because of the repairs to her ureter, and that it doesn’t quite fit correctly, the lady must go in for the Renal Pharm scan yearly. She complains bitterly that her surgeon caused her life to change, and she hates the scan. She is harsh and nasty about this situation. She deeply resents the need for the annual Renal Pharm scan.

    Conversely, my issue is a congenital deformity. I have too much of things. My right kidney has two ureters. I also have bilateral cervical ribs. I have extra body parts inside. I tease my twin sisters that I must have been a twin in utero and somehow lost my twin in the womb, so I was first, LOL.

    In any case my second ureter danced around inside my body and became twisted up. That caused lots of UTIs (urinary tract infections) that made me so sick that I couldn’t get out of bed. The first time my doctor could not figure out what was making me sick. I did not have the usual pain, instead I was nauseated, exhausted and the best clue is that I became incontinent. They sent me to a urologist where we located the problem. I had great surgery! My surgeon was amazing and using robots, they took the skin from my mouth and used it to build a better ureter. Again, amazing. My surgeon continues to follow me and yes, I am required to repeat my Renal Pharm scan periodically, much more often than annually.

    From the beginning, the techs have commented on how calm I am. The scan is uncomfortable, and you must lay on a table for a good bit of time. You also must have an IV. It’s definitely not a walk in the park. I take it easily because I am constantly tired. I will lay on the table because of this and I feel no frustration.

    At no point am I angry, nor bitter. I’m thinking that the reason I am comfortable with my scans is that I have no one to blame for my congenital deformity. I can’t even blame the nonexistent twin.

    I’m guessing that if I had someone to blame, if I thought my deformity was a result of someone’s sloppiness, I might feel differently. I don’t think so. I can’t make myself suffer for someone else’s mistake, even if that mistake was committed against me.