01Mar

Dear Mr. Trump

I’ve been writing this blog for eight years and I have never repeated myself, but this article bears repeating:

11/3/14

If, indeed, our purpose is to find ways to live together productively and peacefully then I am sure that my job is to write.  I am positive that I have the right way to attain a productive and peaceful coexistence with anyone and everyone.  I am also sure that I can articulate it.

We must realize that hierarchical social systems are the antithesis of egalitarian living.  Some argue that hierarchical social systems are necessary because of the number of humans on the planet.  I do not agree with this argument.  I also do not believe that leaders should be static.  Situational leadership demands that either the situation changes to fit the leader, or the leadership must change to fit the situation.

Our various hierarchical societies are a punishing way to construct humanity.  The current construct demands that those on the top of hierarchies be greedy, anti-social or both.  This is not to say that each and all wealthy and/or powerful humans are greedy, it is to say that the structure of hierarchy breeds greed.  Often, in order to get to the top of the hierarchy, one must engage in behavior that is antithetical to humanity.  Pushing to the “top” is sometimes a terrible game of cruelty that leaves many victimized and demoralized.

The American culture which began so full of hope for equality for all humans, came to idolize wealth instead of humanitarian ideals and thus lost the initial impetus for effective social change for equality and an egalitarian way of life for humans of the Earth.

This is unfortunate, as it is a delay that has cost us many years and many lives.  The American culture encourages elitism and champions those who fight to the “top” of our various social systems and cultures.  We have therefore bred a group of leaders who proudly look only to their own good, who overtly attempt control of different social systems and who hoard money in any way possible in order to further their own ends.  This group of leaders feels that it is their right, by virtue of the fact that they sit on top of the elite social structure, to have more and better just for them and no one else.  As the governor’s campaign says “Power for the few, but not for you.”

How do we change this?  How do we make it better, different, important, once again, as a human ideal?  First we must acknowledge that equality is a value that we wish to place above other qualities.  We must also acknowledge that on the slippery slope of making money, we forgot that human beings and their lives are more important than any amount of money.  As others have said “You cannot have a war, if no one comes.”  If we want our sons and daughters to live into old age, we will not send them into battlefields where American millionaires find more and more ways to keep money that they have not earned.  If we were sincere about this, we would reverse the legislation of the Reagans and Bushes and make it illegal (immoral, of course) to make money from a war – no matter the cause of the war.

3.1.17

It is hard to believe, that once again, we beg our politicians to stop making war and to stop treating humans like refuse.  Why is this even a thing?  Why aren’t we beyond war and greed as a way of life?

 

13Feb

A Day

A Day

30Jan

Letters to My Granddaughters

Letters to my Granddaughters;

  1. Understand that there is billions of dollars in advertising aimed at you *to get you* to believe certain things that the marketing industry is selling: Here I state the opposite of those commercials.
    1. You do NOT need expensive shampoo to get clean hair.
    2. You do NOT need an expensive hair color to feel “worth it”.
    3. You do NOT need to buy $231.00 of make up to “feel pretty”.
    4. You do NOT need to wear size 2 in order to be sexy, or pretty.
  2. You are being virtually bombarded with untrue images of women on a minute-by-minute basis.
  3. Use this information to gain what you want, not to be what “they” want.
  4. Do not believe that your life is about sex and sexuality: it is not. Sex is an important part of life, yet it is only a part.
  5. What you look like and who you are is separate, it is not the same.

Listen, listen to your body.  Again, the advertising industry wants you to believe that you need, or you must purchase something in order to have good health or perfect digestion.  Your body will tell you what you need.  Read research on appropriate self care, and then listen to your body.  Your body will tell you what kind of vitamins you need and when.  I did in-depth research about why I was craving chocolate before my menstrual cycle.  I found out that I was missing a crucial dose of magnesium.  I began taking magnesium for a week each month and I was able to get chocolate cravings under control.

Listen, listen to your intuition.  Your own intuition will never steer you wrong.  You know when you are making a mistake, when that voice in the back of your head starts screaming “Stop!”, listen to the voice, it is your own voice, it never steers you wrong.

Be proud of who you are.  I was 13 years old when I became aware of ‘Jordache’ jeans.  I remember thinking “I don’t want someone else’s name on my behind.”  There is no designer who is as good about your looks as you are and you can be proud of that.

This is letter number one, there is more, so much more to being a woman.

28Jan

We Must Take Action

Take Action

25Jan

I’m Not Sure What People are Thinking

But, does no one remember the French revolution, nor the reason for Bastille Day?    Wikipedia says the famous phrase “let them eat cake” means: Let them eat cake” is the traditional translation of the French phrase “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche”, supposedly spoken by “a great princess” upon learning that the peasants had no bread. Since brioche was a luxury bread enriched with butter and eggs, the quote would reflect the princess’s disregard for the peasants, or at least a complete lack of understanding that the absence of basic food staples was due to poverty rather than a lack of supply.

These things happened in history and we pay no attention to them.  When the wealthy have a disregard for the common person; when the common person does not eat; bad things can and will happen to the wealthy.

We have no royalty here in America and yet we hold to the tradition of royalty by allowing capitalism to rule all decisions.  Those who are wealthy are treated like royalty.  They make laws and they rape the common person at every opportunity.  High taxes for the common person, no taxes for the wealthy.

What is happening now with Donald Trump is unrecognizable by many, yet the truth comes toward us and has probably been coming towards us for many decades.  Take away the ability for a common person to make bread for their families and you endanger the safety of those who withhold those foods.

We now have a president who plays games with words and with the press.  His values are diametrically opposed to American values.  He is dishonest; he uses his money and position to harm women and probably men also.  He is against equality in all of its forms and particularly against economic equality.  Donald Trump is a racist, and is supported by numerous white men, including a majority of the Republican oligarchy.

I am worried for America because we are a fresh and new country and do not have experience with how to manage these issues.  Many people have stated that Trump is supposed to fix all that is wrong with America, but instead, he fixes nothing and instead moves forward the white male capitalistic agenda.  All of the common people who do not gain improvement and who are punished by voting for Trump will increase as time goes by.

When they (Trump’s Administration) normalize violence against civilians by going forward with the Dakota Access Pipe Line (DAPL) and using American troops against Native Americans, this country is open to violent civil disobedience.  This is a very bad sign for the status of our country.  Americans cannot turn their heads away from these crimes against humanity.  Starvation of the common people, advocating for violence against women and then the use of American troops against Native Americans; where does it end?  We haven’t even addressed all of those Americans who will die as a result of the Trump’s administration removal of the Affordable Care Act.

None of this is good and bodes poorly for our future as Americans.

23Jan

From May 21,2010

Being open is fearful stuff.  Anticipation, hope and desire swirl around the edges.  Being open allows “knowing” in.  Some times “knowing” is unpleasant, hurtful, painful.  Being open requires faith.  Faith waxes and wanes like the moon.  Life is all of it…

23Jan

My Quest for a Perfect Appearance

New Years Eve 2016

New Years Eve 2016

No one notices it quite like I do. No one is at all concerned about the perfect match of my earrings to my outfit. I was quite deflated when I realized this. But then, something happened, I became immersed in my own standards. To heck with whether or not others realized that my lipstick was a perfect match for my fingernail polish, I realized it and I cared. At some point, I became the approver of my perfect appearance. When that happened, I was relieved! I didn’t become less caring about my appearance, I was the same.

21Jan

Our Brain Can Change the Reality of History… And What is the Point of Guilt?

My own mother evoked gratefulness and love.  I am not sure why I was particularly present with her, but I was.  I invited her to be with me as much as possible.  Before my mother passed away 21 years ago, we spent an entire day together, one on one and I enjoyed every minute.  She was the kind of woman you could feel comfortable with and it was easy to respect her.  When she died, I didn’t feel regretful because I told her over and over again “I love you, Mom.”  ”You are the greatest mom.”

For Ella Mae, my mother-in-law, it was quite a different matter.  When she passed in 2005, I had not prepared in the same way I did my mother.  I loved her and told her so, but she never knew how important she was to me and our family.  Because she was a formal woman, there just was not the casual love that was available in my family of origin.

I have valued Ella Mae more in retrospect, than I ever did while she was alive.  My own mother knew how much I valued her, I wrote cards and letters and expressed my joy and love in many different ways.  Ella Mae, not as much.  I am very grateful for her contribution to our family and for this reason, I have for the last 12 years been valuing her “things”.

I know better than most that guilt is no replacement for current action and present love, and yet, here I am indulging in guilt because I did not treat her the way that I would want to treat her today.  I find myself thinking “I must hang onto to Ella Mae’s china so that I can pass it on to my daughters.”  Why would I want to imbue value onto the china if I didn’t feel some measure of guilt?  I didn’t value Ella Mae enough while living and so now I must value her china to show the kids how important that she was.  It’s just not necessary with my mother’s things because her value was so well established while she lived.

In this case, I think the point of guilt is so that I can convince myself that I loved her enough and that she knew it.  If I didn’t love her enough while she lived, I am trying to make up for it.  This is a burden for all of us.  It is a burden that I do not wish to bear, nor do I believe that there is any way to make up for my behavior once someone has passed away, nor will I make promises about future behavior.  I simply must say that Ella Mae gave us much, she taught manners and in this way made us comfortable in any environment.  Ella Mae taught me that birthdays are important, my family never celebrated birthdays, it was Ella Mae who brought that tradition to us.  She loved step grandchildren and biological grandchildren and tried very hard to be fair.  She was not fair; the attempt was there.  For this I am grateful.

Ella Mae was a very gracious woman who welcomed everyone into her home.  She saw holidays as a means to give me a rest and she would never let me lift a finger or ‘bring’ something.  She cooked like a chef and hostessed like a queen, and it was those talents that she passed to me.  She had a beautiful silk hanging in the dining room.  For some reason both of my sons had to touch it every single time they passed by on the way to the kitchen.  She may have grimaced and she may have said something, but she never got mad.  Her graciousness extended to everyone.

Maybe now that I understand why I am hanging onto the china, I can actually put it down.  No one wants that stuff anymore.  I do hope that I can pass on graciousness, that’s a gift worth giving.

26Dec

Daughter Please Come Home

I have to admit that my ardent desire has come to naught.  I can hardly believe that I have to let this go.

As you know, my daughter moved to Norfolk in 2009 with her 3 month old son, my grandson.  It was supposed to be temporary.  It was not supposed to last.  It was not supposed to be permanent.

My family lives in Florida, and they always come back.  Even my brother, who lived away for over a decade, came back.  The issue is that his children were raised somewhere else and so they stayed there.  My brother came back, but his adult children stayed behind.

And that’s the point, people stay where they are raised.  It feels like home and for most people it is.

So I am angry with my daughter, who met another man and had another child.  That man is an angry unhappy man who believes (because his father told him) that women are bad.  My daughter is trapped by a court system that enjoys a good fight.  Norfolk is a Military town and unfortunately considers a man so much more than a woman, when circumstances are considered.  Circumstances are rarely considered.  My daughter is a single woman who has spent that last four years spending every spare dime on attorney’s fees and begging her case in a court room that is not interested in hearing her.  My daughter is trapped surely and resolutely, she has surrendered to this court system that does not consider her, nor her children’s needs.

I am so angry.  Why did she surrender?  I know she fights, but she also says that she will make her life in Norfolk.  No!  Why?  Are you kidding me?

I will be deprived of my grandsons, probably for my entire life.  She will be deprived of loving support throughout my grandsons young life.  How can this be an acceptable reality?  I don’t see it, and I can’t see it.

When my sons went into the service, I could bear being separated from them because of the promise of their return.  I knew they would be back and that made separation bearable.  But now, my daughter is alone, without support, and she has no hope of coming home.  She is not a rebel like her mother.  She does not see a way to get home.  I, of course, would run away.  My daughter was not born in the days of bra burning and open rebellion against “the man”.  She grew up in the 90s with young and compliant people starring in every TV show.  And so, the decision is made by her, to be compliant.

I live without my daughter, the person I have spent the last 34 years being concerned with and about.  I crazy love her, like a thousand boyfriends, I crazy love her.  I want her back.  I cannot bear the idea of living the next 15 years without her and without my grandsons.  It’s an awful thought and a hard way to live.  Every single day I hurt.  Every single day I need and I cannot have what I need.  My grandsons do not get to hear me or understand me; they will miss all of the easy good days of summer in Florida.

I want them all back.  I am angry with a court system that allows this untenable situation to go on for 4 years.  This is a court system that does not consider the family at all.  This has been a roller coaster ride from the beginning.  Why is it possible for this to happen in this America?  This is the court system?  This is what is legal?  My daughter and grandsons are kept in a place 800 miles away from her family because of a psychopathic liar who happens to be the father of her youngest child and have a wealthy father?  Ugh.

Daughter, please come home.

18Dec

The Kind of Woman I Cannot Be…

What happens when you are faced with a person who embodies all of the things that you have been taught are wrong?

I do not condemn women who are manipulative and indirect in their communications.  I believe that it has been and continues to be an evolutionary imperative.  Women (with very few exceptions) have always been dominated and often by those who are careless of their wants and desires.  In this environment, it has always been far safer for a woman to keep her peace and find her own means of gaining what she needs and wants.

Our history tells us that if a woman disagreed with the men around her, she could be beat, tortured and in some cases, even killed.  I was taught to make my own way, to not depend on a man for my own sustenance.  My mother role modeled independence and the direct way to get there.  She did not appreciate indirect communication, if you wanted something, please say it.  If your desire was not a popular idea, it doesn’t mean your desire should be abandoned, it means you can re-evaluate, including others input, but you do not change your mind because ‘another’ has told you to change your mind.  I was taught to be direct, which leaves very little room for the fine art of manipulation.

Many women I know did not have the benefit of a strong and direct mother.  It seems that the alternative to being direct, indirectness, teaches us to be manipulative.  Often, there is a very good reason for manipulation.  Often, being manipulative turns into a default zone that a person operates in.  Over a period of time, this personality can become unable to be direct and even honest.  For some relationships this can be a satisfactory state, but for business relationships, it can be disastrous.  What happens when you have been taught to rethink commitments, and change agreements to suit yourself?  In most business environments this kind of thinking will damage relationships, particularly relationships with a boss or supervisor.

The other part to this indirect and manipulative personality style is a feature of secretiveness.  Sometimes, even often, the secrets are unnecessary, yet there is a piece to secrecy that can make one feel powerful.  Practicing secrecy is the hallmark of this personality style.  Secrecy, when recognized, can make those around you feel very uncomfortable.

The alternative, direct communication, can cause disruption and create confrontation.  “Can”, but not always, often the direct personality style is assertive and possibly aggressive.  It’s important to delineate between direct communication that can be confrontative; and aggressiveness, as aggressiveness only causes the indirect person to become more manipulative and secretive.  Aggressive people just want their will to be done.  Direct communicators are not necessarily focused on their own will.

So it is that my entire lifetime, I thought that the manipulative woman was somehow “less than”.  I do not respect this woman and I cannot communicate with her as she is completely unreliable.  How do you have a relationship with a woman such as she?  Yet, on the other hand, it is the evolutionary imperative, necessary for survival in a world where everyone is larger and harsher than you.  Where is the balance?  And how do you navigate when dealing with those who may be damaged?

I don’t know.