It doesn’t matter what the process is, it can be good, bad or indifferent, it just doesn’t matter. These people are interested in just stopping the process. They have a reason, an elaborate justification to keep you or your cause from moving forward. Perhaps they do not want to see you succeed. Perhaps their life has stopped and they do not know how to navigate a forward motion, be it their own or someone else’s. They have lived in stagnation for so long they can not understand forward motion.
You will have met these individuals; they often work in government jobs as bureaucrats. It is uncanny how they can smell your need and then trounce it into the ground, killing it for all time.
Unbeknownst to most people is an understanding of human behavior. We are creatures of habit. We rarely do anything today that we have not done yesterday. This is important to note, because when we stop the workability of other’s lives, we also stop the workability of our own lives. Destroying another person’s effort often comes with a price tag of destroying one’s own effort. This is a factor not known to most.
Why do we stop forward motion? Why do we question and halt the effort of others? Why can we not facilitate the lives of others in the same way that we would wish others would facilitate our own? Why do some people take pleasure in halting and crippling the efforts and success of others? Further, who has the time to focus on another, in order to destroy their efforts?
More than likely, it a minor thing that piles up into a life. It’s that nugget of resentment that you harbor for that person that makes you want to clog up the workability of the process. It is a remembered upset or a frustrating exchange and now you want that person to suffer for your memory. Or, perhaps, you are just jealous, you wish you were that successful and you cannot stand seeing someone else being successful. Clogging the workability of the process stops all of us from being successful and it is very sad that everyone does not understand this fact.
After you have survived dozens of these reflections, it becomes clear that change is inevitable, pain is necessary and Love is the stuff that makes the years worth living.
We may never know what is the thing that will make us happy. We could live our whole lives, never figuring it out. Or, we can work in a direction and be totally knocked out by life’s circumstance. We know what we want, and no matter how hard we work we cannot attain our dream. And yet, life can bring us great treasures from the most unexpected of places. We can find a deep satisfaction from watching something happen that we could never have guessed in our wildest of imaginings. We can be surprised by great love and happiness. Love and success can come to us surprisingly.
Given this random nature of life, how do we evaluate success? It is not to be, as soon as we claim it, as soon as we think we own success, it flees. The act of evaluation changes life into something it is not, a contest or a game, a race. Life is none of these things, but is instead the experience.
Plan, do, judge and even evaluate, but know this, it matters not. Life will give us all of everything, it is us that must turn it into an experience that is right for us. It is us that must turn it into success and love.
The issue with science is that, it asks for evidence of a stated truth. With science you cannot get away with opinion. This is really the cruxt of the problem with our current presidential administration. It is an old problem, one that has been argued for many thousands of years.
Do we believe the ministers of faith about the way of the world, or do we ask for a more objective truth? The objective truth stands on its own, however, it is often unkind.
We humans have made a fine art out of self deception. We want to believe in a good father, we want to believe that we are beautiful, we want to believe that everything is going to be alright.
When a man preaches that he will take care of it all, it is difficult to ignore. We are hard wired to listen to old men. We go to old women with our problems, but listen to old men for our truths.
As humans, our old behavior does not serve us well. But before we even begin to ask questions, we must ask ourselves how important is the truth? For most of the humans that I know, truth is an unwelcome reality. Most people don’t want to know the truth, they’d rather not know how bad off they are, how much they have been tricked, or how much they have lost.
Most don’t even want to know the small details, such as “I am overweight” or “I am angry” or “I have a drinking problem”. Indeed, many diseases of the modern world are built upon the very fine art of denial, heart disease, obesity and some types of diabetes are diseases that are completely avoidable. How do you justify drinking a 350 calorie coffee drink and a 1,000 calorie bowl of soup? What untruth do you tell your body in order to have that bit of body destruction?
This whole religion vs science isn’t really the question. The question is, how much truth can we stand?
Why can’t we just relax and let the nice man take care of everything? The truth is that the nice man is a liar.
He was pushing 50 and she was barely 35, always married with kids. He was in the association that helped addicts access treatment for heroin addiction. His passion for his cause was palpable. He wanted to open a clinic in Ft. Myers and carried around pictures of people suffering because of their addiction. He talked her into going to meetings. They met monthly somewhere in the state and helped to make clear decisions that were empathetic and caring. He didn’t like the for-profit treatment centers (his organization was non-profit) because he thought that they “sucked” money from their patients only to give it to shareholders without concern for “real” treatment.
They had friends in the state legislature and were able to get things done. In 1999, she moved away and that was that.
About a year later, she decided to return to the work of addiction medicine. It was a hard decision, but she realized it was still her purpose, even though she had walked away once. She applied and applied and applied for work. One day over the intercom at her job, she was being paged to the phone. She rushed to pick up the phone and there he was saying, “I have this job, right down the street from your new home.” She could hardly believe it.
For a long time, they were able to get things done. His power (brawn) and her brain, along with his trust in her, made their work unstoppable and progressively successful. He loved systems engineering and so did she. No task was too small to be acknowledged.
Him “You have to own that.”
Her “No I don’t, you put me in an untenable situation with a personality disordered nursing supervisor. No matter what super-human effort I made, it was going to fail under those circumstances.”
Him “I think I made the mistake of my life, I should have asked you to marry me. Is it too late?”
Her “Yes, you’re drunk again, goodbye.”
Him “You made the biggest mistake, you should have gone on that fishing trip with us.”
Him “Go see him, Marc needs you, let him know that you care.”
Him “I’ll promote you later, when there has been more time.”
Him “I have to fire her, look what she did!”
Her “She did nothing wrong, but if you want to fire her, go ahead, you have the power, so use it, but I won’t agree with you, she did nothing wrong.”
Him “I wish I could talk with you before you leave. I want to say good-by and let you know how much you have meant to me.”
Her “Ugh. Liar”
Still, she cries.
All through the “scared years” he was there. Ugly and mean, but he was there.
Who are you to tell me that cauliflower is better for me than potato, you put butter on them and they become the same?
The fact of the matter is that women my age need 400 less calories per DAY, not week, not month, but day, every day. That’s right, because older women need less calories, we often gain weight. Do you know why women my age need less calories? Because for the last million years older women have sacrificed their own needs for others eventually responding to “survival of the fittest” we made our bodies work on less. We just don’t need as much as men or as the young. We get by, we thrive, we live on less.
Now, in this day and this age, women my age don’t need to eat less, because there is more food in this world. We just need more patience to put up with people who give advice without knowledge.
The high heel is uncomfortable and discourages walking. For many, many years I wore them anyway. My legs are gorgeous and always have been, but boy, with a hi heel, they are magnificent. It wasn’t the best choice. First, I did not need to mate. I had a great husband and more kids than I could handle. I received so much positive attention, I thought it was worth while. In retrospect, not so much.
Walking on high heels damages your body and leads you to a sedentary lifestyle. Both of these facts are not good for you as a person. I have been reflecting on why women do these things and I think it has something to do with advertising and emulating the rich. Advertising tells us to emulate the rich and unfortunately, we do it. What is nail polish but a way to prove that we don’t engage in manual labor? What are hi heels, past mating, they are but a way to prove that we live in leisure and elegance. Unfortunately, advertising has a powerful effect on human behavior.
I am very proud of my second cousin – www.Whitneydolo.com, as she explores body mythology and body identity. Whitney was born missing an arm and a leg. She is committed to finding herself and being a woman. She is doing a great job.
She encourages me to speak out. I have long believed that the female culture is a farce. I say so now because it is time. Thank you Whitney. 😍😝
Everything WILL change, you can’t stop it.
Will this matter in two years? Study it, look at it, decide it: if it will not matter in two years, save your energy. Don’t give energy to the unnecessary.
Don’t imagine that anyone is better than you, they are not. Much of life is luck, you nor they control circumstance. Some people will have better circumstances, some people will have terrible circumstances. This is true.
Memories are nice, but they are not now.
Remember that big companies have proven that they do not want to “save you money” and remember that advertising is highly successful because it “makes you think…” Consequently, beware, if you “buy into” the concepts that Coca Cola is about love and McDonalds is about home and hearth, then you have been fooled and you will buy products that do harm to your body. The same is true for the “new” big companies including the “Whole Foods Grocery” stores. It is up to you to take responsibility for researching reality.
Other people’s thoughts and actions are not within your purview, you cannot control other people. Accept this idea and make decisions from this knowledge.
Doing hurtful things to others is NEVER okay or correct. Those who do harm must be restrained.
As I have gotten older I have become acquainted with some obvious American characteristics that I was not aware of earlier in my life. One is that, young people often believe that they know more than older and more experienced people. Another is that older people, particularly parents, believe that they are wiser and know better than younger people.
This disparity in perspectives often causes disagreements and hurt feelings. This can be avoided when we understand a few things. One is that our culture encourages young people to believe that they are superior to everyone (and thus never need direction or advice). Another way to avoid disagreement and hurt feelings is to realize that even though young people may make very bad decisions that take them down dark roads, they own that road.
So while we may believe that we know what is good and right for another, the best approach is to bring the information to the attention of the young person and let them decide. It’s important to bring the young person’s attention to the choosing, because it may bring a dimension to the choice that was not previously realized by your young person.
Like so many human conditions, communication appears to be the answer.
If you believe that people are essentially good and want to achieve, you will treat them this way, if you believe that people are essentially lazy, you will treat them a different way.
This is another reason for being in the now, it allows you to deal with the situation in front of you, instead of the situation behind you.
How you treat others is essentially the groundwork for how they will treat you. If you believe that your “rank” protects you from the consequences of how you treat others, that is a mistake. While subordinates very rarely give honest feedback to managers, it does not mean that their actions will follow suit. If given a chance, subordinates will find a way to treat a manager the same as they have been treated by that manager.
In any case, beliefs are the the practical structure that gives sustenance to daily chores and thus creates the foundation for how our work affects ourselves and others.
Think of it this way, when you approach someone, and they smile broadly, welcoming your approach, you feel much differently than when you are scowled at. Whether we know it or not, we broadcast our beliefs about the world, and each other, in a myriad of ways, every single day.
I always encourage everyone to understand their own thought processes, so that the underlying beliefs can be identified. It is only through identification that these beliefs can be managed. Often, people think that their own beliefs are reality and do not need to be examined, but nothing could be further from the truth.
It is fundamentally important to identify your beliefs and to understand their relevance to your everyday life and behavior. By doing this, you become better able to be here now, which is the only time and place for reality.