15Dec

Talking with Him (Instead of Myself)

As I drive away, I am furiously thinking how misunderstood that I am.  When I say furiously thinking, I do not mean in an angry way, I mean intensely and quickly.  In my head I am listing all of the reasons why my feelings are hurt, I am carefully cataloging all of the outrages committed against my person.  They are all very real and my feelings are very hurt.

Then my inner therapist reminds me of a conversation that I had with a client recently.  The client and I were discussing all of the whys and wherefores of current behavior.   While I can say for sure that this is important information (knowing why I am acting like this now) – sometimes it is just a booby prize.  Knowing why something is happening is just not enough to fix it right now.  We need to actually do something to make a change.  My point to my client was simply, yes, honor your history, but be aware that the behavior that is occurring right now is what has to change.  After all is said and done, you do not change history.

I don’t have to remember the part about history so much as I have to remember the goal of right now.  Yes, yes, my feelings are hurt, but what I really want to have is resolution with him – NOT with my head.  I know the whys and the wherefores, what I need to do is communicate those with him.  In this case, it is not understanding that is the “booby prize”, rather, it is thinking that is the booby prize.  I do not need to think any more, what I really need, is to communicate.

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