What I Want Most for my Adult Kids…

I was 30 years old before I figured out that not all mothers loved their children like mine loved me.  All of my life, without fail, I felt loved by the people who made me and raised me.  My father was a nurturer who was involved in his children – he may have been a miserable failure as a provider – but I never doubted his care and concern for me.  My mother’s love was a very special love that carried me throughout a precarious childhood and young adulthood.  I remember as a young woman that I had to be safe because I could never hurt my mother’s feelings by bringing harm to myself.  It was a warm soft glow that never left me.

I was lucky to meet a man who not only fell in love with me, but who proceeded to love me passionately for decades.  Without a doubt I felt loved and secure for many years.  On countless occasions he showered me with gifts.  He sincerely expressed himself on every occasion.   I had a feeling of being loved and treasured.  That feeling has kept me and nurtured me in too many ways to count.  My husband and I divorced and then he passed away.  He remains, now and always, as a source of feeling loved, of knowing deep down inside that true love is possible and as a standard of care that I must have for myself.

More than anything else, I would like for my adult kids to have this confidence in love by way of experiencing it.  I would want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they feel loved, treasured and cared for.  At the end of the day, this requires two things: courage and gratefulness.  Courage to risk love and gratefulness to acknowledge it when it is present.  As with anything there is a cost, but exceptionally, love is well worth any effort given.