Being Disliked

So, the thing with being disliked is that we wish to dislike back.  And we think it does not matter and we can ignore being disliked and we can pretend that it does not matter in any way.  Yet it does.  All emotions and thoughts have a peculiar energy and that energy is part of the world that surrounds us.  While we pretend that “so & so” disliking me is irrelevant, the energy of that dislike permeates all of the interaction that we engage in with “so & so”.
Say YesOf course, we want to dislike in return.  We will list all of the faults of this person who dares to dislike us.  We will point out all that is wrong with this person, and certainly you may see that the judgment is impaired.  If “so & so” had good judgment, I would be liked by this person instead of disliked.

This dislike may remind you of your secret anguish of being unloved and unwanted.  Feeling these fears can bring much passion to your need to dislike this person who injures you with dislike.  It’s important to resist the need to strike out with your own dislike or passionate anger.

These energies of dislike being pushed in full force between the two of you are energy draining and character maiming.  There is no way to escape such negative energies without some form of damage attaching itself to you.  The hurt, the anger, the need to lash out, they all harm and hurt your psyche.  Even if you are one who can ignore such insults, you will find that the dislike hurts. 

There is only one way to manage such dislike and that is to love the person who dislikes you.  You must put away all that your brain tells you to do.  You must turn away thoughts of anguish, or revenge.  You must turn to this person and love this person and love harder, if your love stumbles.

You are giving to yourself and to the world when you do such a thing as loving in the face of such dislike.  You are allowing this person to claim their own feelings without judgment on your part.  You are owning the energy and by loving the energy, you convert it from hurt to healing.  You are taking what is wrong with the world and making it right.  This is what you do when you return love for hate.

You need not do anything or say anything.  You simply love.  You will see that your thoughts change, and you will see that the energy transforms.  This is the way to having goodness in your world.




Making Things Work; Making Life Work

I know so many people and can think of so many incidents where people do whatever they can to STOP the process.  When I say process, I mean movement forward towards a good or towards a completion of a goal.

It doesn’t matter what the process is, it can be good, bad or indifferent, it just doesn’t matter.  These people are interested in just stopping the process.  They have a reason, an elaborate justification to keep you or your cause from moving forward.  Perhaps they do not want to see you succeed.  Perhaps their life has stopped and they do not know how to navigate a forward motion, be it their own or someone else’s.  They have lived in stagnation for so long they can not understand forward motion.

You will have met these individuals; they often work in government jobs as bureaucrats.  It is uncanny how they can smell your need and then trounce it into the ground, killing it for all time.

Unbeknownst to most people is an understanding of human behavior.  We are creatures of habit.  We rarely do anything today that we have not done yesterday.  This is important to note, because when we stop the workability of other’s lives, we also stop the workability of our own lives.  Destroying another person’s effort often comes with a price tag of destroying one’s own effort.  This is a factor not known to most.

Why do we stop forward motion?  Why do we question and halt the effort of others?  Why can we not facilitate the lives of others in the same way that we would wish others would facilitate our own?  Why do some people take pleasure in halting and crippling the efforts and success of others?  Further, who has the time to focus on another, in order to destroy their efforts?

More than likely, it a minor thing that piles up into a life.  It’s that nugget of resentment that you harbor for that person that makes you want to clog up the workability of the process.  It is a remembered upset or a frustrating exchange and now you want that person to suffer for your memory.  Or, perhaps, you are just jealous, you wish you were that successful and you cannot stand seeing someone else being successful.  Clogging the workability of the process stops all of us from being successful and it is very sad that everyone does not understand this fact.


Be Beautiful and Practical

Bruce read that leaving the curtains open increased electricity costs.  He wants the houseplants to survive, so he compromises.

Keeping the plants nourished

Keeping the plants nourished

Let the sunshine in

Let the sunshine in



Unknown author

Unknown author

For the first time since I started this blog, I am materially aware that I have an audience.  It has stopped me from writing.  I have been through a painful experience which made me leave my job.  I have been grappling with such issues as self control, my ability to modify my environment and the effects that another person can have on me.  In some ways my experience has been at odds with my belief system, which has caused a cognitive dissonance.  As you can imagine, I have been struggling.  This does not cause me to write less.  Indeed if you know me, it actually causes me to write more.

What has caused me to write less, is this awareness of my audience and the fear that my life would be negatively effected by my work here on the blog.  There is nothing more anxiety producing than losing one’s income.  I am not willing to be a starving artist, I have too much going on in my life to stop the train for the sake of my own written word.  Trust me, I have saved the words.

Some things that have caused me concern is the idea that my old boss, who is vindictive and mean spirited, would work hard to block my efforts to find new employment.  Another concern is that, a person interviewing me (with hiring authority) would turn out to be a Trump lover.  Based on experience, I know that these things can be real and I want to avoid the effect of someone’s negative feelings on my future.

Today, I read some research about why we want to believe that the universe is just and that things happen to people because they deserve it.  It’s far easier for us to believe that the universe will treat us right if we act right.  We can then believe that we have some control over life.  We can believe that people get what they deserve, even when there is an injustice.  I have known that this is not true for many years.  The universe is full of injustice and apathy and even evil.  We humans do not have control over the universe.  We are subject to life.

Which is why, in order to thrive, we must sometimes resort to dishonesty.  I have dishonestly withheld my truth from this blog, in order to create a transition as painless as possible.  My feelings had endured enough pain and I would not be my own perpetrator.

I have been dishonest with my blog, and I hope you will forgive the lapse.  It was intentional and it is over.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading.



Some Things I Have Learned

No matter how much I cover myself, if others want to blame me, I will be blamed.   No matter how much I cover my ass with documentation, if someone doesn’t like me, I will be wrong.

It’s important to NOT give up.  (I have not given up.)  Renew and refresh goals for the future.  My body deserves continued commitment to health…so does my mind and my pocketbook.

Preternaturally calm means “beyond what is normal or natural” calm.

Trust your instinct: you don’t have to go with the plan every time.  You just have to have a plan so that you are prepared.

Notes to Self:

Failure to support: don’t be that.

Keeping distance: sometimes you have to.

And finally ~ Abundance and Prosperity in all things.



Insubordinate, Incompetent or Incapable

Insubordinate, Incompetent or Incapable in the Workplace

For many years I have taught that there are only two issues that cause managers to terminate employment of staff members: insubordination and incompetence.

I have learned something new today: incapability ~ not having the necessary ability, qualification, or strength to perform a specified act or function.

Incompetent ~ lacking qualification or ability, noun; a mentally deficient person

So, even though incompetent and incapability can be synonymous, I would make a distinction.  My own brain and some dictionaries say that incompetence has to do with mental ability, whether it be IQ or emotional state, something about the person means that they cannot perform the task.  Incapability is almost the same, but the status of the inability may not be mental, it can be physical, or one of energy.  In other words, given the right level of energy and time, the task can be done intellectually, but is not, in fact, done because of an inability to create the correct circumstance to get the task done.

I think this distinction is important because, the incompetence definition implies a less than average IQ.  Incapability is not about intelligence, however, the result is the same.  The task is left undone.

When I am working with a staff member to assist with performance levels, I can (almost always) predict the outcome based on these definitions.

Insubordination – the staff member does not want to do the work.  Mistakenly, they may believe that their supervisor is powerless to affect their activities, or they have decided that the supervisor is wrong in some way:   Insubordination – “is the act of willfully disobeying one’s superior. Refusing to perform an action that is unethical or illegal is not insubordination; neither is refusing to perform an action that is not within the scope of authority of the person issuing the order.”  Wikipedia

Incompetence – try as they might, this staff member cannot get the job done.  They lack the critical thinking skills to understand the process and so they make the same mistakes over and over again.  These mistakes interfere with others work and this team member may be unintentionally disruptive for the rest of the team.  Additionally, all training attempts yield no or very little results, so corrective action is not effective with this team member.

Incapacity – this team member may not even try to get the job done, they are not able to plan or organize and therefore cannot ever create the correct circumstances to get their job done.  Their intelligence is not compromised in any way and they do not openly deny a supervisor’s instruction, they simply have a never ending supply of good reasons for not getting the job done.  This sometimes appears to be insubordination and even incompetence, but because the staff member is capable and appears to follow instructions, it is unclear what keeps them from getting their job done.

In any of these situations, I know that the outcome will always be the same: the job will NOT get done.  The staff outcome should always be the same and that is to terminate employment.  The truth is, that it doesn’t matter why staff members do not do their job.  If you, as a supervisor, have diligently trained and worked with the staff member to improve performance and you have given that person lots of time to succeed, then termination is the only end point for non-performance of essential staff functions.  In that light, insubordination is almost always the easiest staffing issue, because it is so straightforward.


How to Stop Being a Hoodlum in Six Easy Steps

Stop seeing people as a means to an end

Stop looking at everything as if you must identify a financial gain

Acknowledge that other people do not exist for your use

Listen to feedback without dismissing it, you may find out that you are not perceived well

Stop imagining that you have been victimized, you have not, or if you have, it no longer matters

Accept consequences, yes, you do deserve them.


Knowing and Thinking isn’t Learning

It’s not about the thinking and the knowing, it’s about the behavior that follows the thinking and the knowing.

For many years I have thought that if I know something, it does me no good to redundantly read the same information over and over again.  For example, budgeting and saving money, they are both very simple concepts, with only a few constructs to them.  There is not a huge variation of ways and means to live by a budget and to save money.  I never saw any reason to keep learning the same thing over and over again.

It turns out that I was incorrect in my thinking.  In the sense that I am seeking the instruction about budgeting and saving so that I can change my behavior, learning and knowing is not enough to change my behavior.  I have to do more.

One of the ways that behavior change can be successful is if the desired behavior is reinforced over and over again.  This is where the redundant learning becomes desirable.  Yes I know HOW to save money and yet I do not, now I need to change my spending behavior and actually save the money.  To this end re-reading and re-learning will help me change my behavior.  It may be redundant, but this isn’t about what I know, or how smart I am.  This is about changing behavior and that takes commitment and redundant reminders.


Some Truth for the New Year

Accept yearning in your life, you do NOT have to fulfill every desire.

Everything WILL change, you can’t stop it.

Will this matter in two years?  Study it, look at it, decide it: if it will not matter in two years, save your energy.  Don’t give energy to the unnecessary.

Don’t imagine that anyone is better than you, they are not.  Much of life is luck, you nor they control circumstance.  Some people will have better circumstances, some people will have terrible circumstances.  This is true.

Memories are nice, but they are not now.

Remember that big companies have proven that they do not want to “save you money” and remember that advertising is highly successful because it “makes you think…”  Consequently, beware, if you “buy into” the concepts that Coca Cola is about love and McDonalds is about home and hearth, then you have been fooled and you will buy products that do harm to your body.  The same is true for the “new” big companies including the “Whole Foods Grocery” stores.  It is up to you to take responsibility for researching reality.

Other people’s thoughts and actions are not within your purview, you cannot control other people.  Accept this idea and make decisions from this knowledge.

Doing hurtful things to others is NEVER okay or correct.  Those who do harm must be restrained.


New Years Day

Yes, it’s here, another one.  We put this line in the sand to give ourselves a moment to pause.  Some will use this opportunity well, giving time and space to reflection.  Others will not consider it and others cannot consider the past year in any meaningful way.

I think it is a very good thing to consider where you are and where you want to be.  We cannot move In any direction purposefully, unless we know where we are going.  We can move, of course, we just do not go towards anything when we move without aim.

It is a good feeling to know that an effort given has produced a desired result and reflection given can embed the success into permanence.  It reminds me of an old saying “Reinvent your childhood at any time.”  Memories are powerful, use them.  Construct your life from the bottom up, why not?  It can give direction and purpose to your reflection.