In Ireland, there is a place called the Bridge of Tears, it is named because for more than a hundred years, when family members decided to go to America, the entire family would escort them as far as possible and here on the Bridge of Tears the families would separate. Family members going on to America would leave their beloved families to travel onward, who then returned home. The bridge was named to reflect the experience of the families, who often knew that they would never again see their loved ones.
Five years ago, when my family and I drove my daughter to Virginia with her queen size bed roped to the top of the Yukon, I believed we were going on a temporary mission. As often happens with single parents, we make our world revolve around our children. We have to, rarely do couple relationships become serious when your baggage include 3+ kids, particularly if they are teenagers.
Since that time, my family has changed significantly, we all tried moving to Virginia and that did not work out. I even got married to the most fantastic man I have ever met.
It wasn’t until this week that I realized that with all of those familial changes, I still have not left the Bridge of Tears. As my daughters and I tried to plan this year where we could see each other and I felt rejected by their responses, I realized that I still stand by the Bridge waiting for them to change their minds and return from their destinations.
I have not left the Bridge of Tears because I am afraid if I do, the mere act of leaving the Bridge will mean that I have truly lost them. I am afraid I will not be there to welcome them home, I will not be there to guide their way back. I lament what cruel twist of fate would take them from me for so long. But it is not to be.
My daughters make their own homes now, they make homes for their own children, they do not return to me or the childhood of yesterday. What I realize that I must do today is, I must leave the Bridge of Tears. I must make a new life. I must learn to make a new home, I am very lucky and – by the best twist of fate – I have someone showing the way – my husband.