• Baby Boomers,  Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life,  Womens Issues

    Beauty and the Bras

    Bras
    Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash

    I was reviewing all the great Sports Illustrated Swim edition photos published on Instagram.  It is all great fun.  I did get offended though and here is what happened…A 55 year old woman “with silver hair who says she wants to change how society views women over 50”.  The problem is that this woman, looked exactly like all of the other models except she has silver hair.  How is that changing the perception of how people view women over 50?

    The young looks are not youth.  This woman had perfected the young look.  This is the same as all women either do or try to do.  How is that different in any way?  I liked the plus size model and the model with alopecia.  Now those models are different and bring a new point of view to modeling.

    By the time I was twenty five years old, I had a scar on my stomach (straight up and down) from my two caesarean sections.  After breastfeeding several humans, my breasts are no longer perky.  Later, as I got past my forties, I put on a few pounds, a very few, but still.  Ironically, I never got a grey hair until I was 60 years old.  My skin is unbearably white and because of that, I am somewhat allergic to the sun.  When I get too much sun I break out in hives.  When I was in my 40s: I tore my meniscus and so now I sport a few scars there from the surgery.  At 55 years old I was a tiny bit overweight, scarred, with pale skin and long brown – blonde hair.  That is a body that would change the perception of women over 50.  What I mean by that is that, at the time, I was still attractive.  However, no one would have considered putting me on the swimsuit calendar, not without an airbrush.

    That’s my point, we only want to look at young perfection.  We want perfect skin, perfect skin tone and a flat tummy for our swim suit calendars.  We aren’t open to seeing real women, their real skin with sagging breasts and scars on the belly.  We have manufactured sexiness into perfection.  We don’t need to do this.  We can love the bodies we have and present them that way too.  We don’t have to be embarrassed by our imperfections.  They were never imperfections until airbrushes were (in fact) invented.

    I was young when, in the early sixties, women everywhere, were burning their bras.  It was a freeing period in women’s history.  Did we really have to bind our bodies and be uncomfortable and hurt just to leave the house?  Women everywhere were throwing their bras into big burning barrels.  We thought we were on our way to victory and to emancipation!

    Instead, bras came back with a vengeance and this time they were stylized, sexy and 3 times as expensive as they used to be.  If you don’t have perky breasts you can look like you do have perky breasts for $42.00.

    There are lots of beauties in my family, and all of the women, have a story to tell about their own struggle with body beauty.  There are so many stories about that struggle, so very many stories.  Young women are buying botox injections, or purchasing micro-blading for eyebrows, or having fat sucked out of the tummy to bring back that before-baby feeling.  All of this for why?  The body beauty is still so very beautiful at 35 and 40 and all of the way along to our own date with death.  The physical body owns beauty and needs not the artist’s paint in order to be beautiful. 

    Bras & Beauty
    Photo by Chris Benson on Unsplash

    Marketing sexuality as a function of all beautiful young women has pushed our perceptions into a place of non-reality.  This non-reality takes away the gratefulness that we have for the here and now.  For example, the here and now that I am sixty years old and am still sexy.  The here and now of forty-nine that looks like thirty-two and is still gorgeous right now.

    Women, at any age, are beautiful, just as they are.  We don’t need airbrushes and don’t need perky breasts.  We need to be appreciated for who and what we are, right here and right now.

  • Love and Relationships,  Psychology of Life,  Speaking as a Parent

    Samantha, my Granddaughter’s Mother

    November 2014, on your way to Norfolk

    Samantha;

    You died in the middle of a conversation.  The conversation was on pause, but nonetheless, we were communicating and now we will never communicate with each other again.

    I thought we had time, we always had more time.  It’s so shocking and painful.  What happened?  Did you give up?  Were you upset with me?  You didn’t tell me that you had to go to Hospice.  I would have come.  I would have shown you my love.

    I know that, ultimately, grief will swarm me. 

    No matter who you talk to or how much you talk, you will end up having that moment alone.  That moment is you, alone with your grief.  You will remember, the moments, the emotions, the sights, the sounds and the taste of your relationship.  You will feel it while you stand alone, thinking about the meaning of death.  Sooner or later you must face your grief with only yourself.  Sooner or later you are alone with your grief.

    You may feel the meaningless or you may feel the meaning.  One thing is sure, you are the one who will decide the meaning of your relationship.   Now that your loved one is gone, you will feel the absence, you will feel the loneliness, you can know the truth of your loss. 

    I can’t believe you are gone.  You lost your way and you could not find your way back.  I am so sorry that you didn’t feel how loved you are.  I am so sorry that you did not feel the support of that love.  I am so sorry that we didn’t leave a light shining for your path back to us.  The darkness must have been crushing.  Maybe you thought you would be better soon.  Maybe you thought you could manage for awhile longer.  I don’t know, but I hope it wasn’t too dark for you. 1 August 2019

    Poppy’s lap is the best

    Dear Sophia, my beloved granddaughter;

    Nothing will replace your mother’s love.  Never doubt that she loved you.  She loved you fiercely and gently: both.  She kept you close for as long as she was able.  Your parents always kept your love close.  Everyone of your extended family, thought about you, loved you and worked for your benefit.  If anyone screwed up, it was out of ignorance, not from malice.  We all wanted you safe and loved.  We all wanted you to be happy.  And, your father wanted you most of all. 2 August 2019

    Christmas 2017
    January 2018