Archives for August 2011


Having a Relationship; or Not

So, here it is.  I think for myself (and it may not be true for anyone else) that people with relationships need to make a decision to have a relationship or not.  Lots of people think that they can have relationships by standing on the sidelines and judging what other people are doing.  They believe that it is their job to evaluate other people.  Some people think that by looking at others and judging, they fulfill their duty to the relationship and that no other involvement is necessary.

I don’t think so, I think that if you wish to have a relationship that it is sort of like a mud pie.  You cannot escape without getting messy.  Relationships are all about truth and honesty and the messiness that makes us human.  Anything else is superficial.  Falling in love requires tears.  I’m NOT an advocate for drama, I just know that human emotion is messy, complicated and full of surprises.  There is nothing about it that is just clean and sleek and efficient.

I also know this, that in time, all is healed.  It is recovery that requires space and time and patience.  It is recovery that requires tears and messiness.  So I say this; if you wish to have love and have relationships; you must be messy.  You must jump in, you do not get away with sitting on the sidelines and judging, you cannot do that and have a real relationship.  You can only sit on the sidelines if you do not care for a real relationship.

If you want love, be willing to get messy, if you want relationships be willing to be in it.  You cannot have love without the truth and the sanity of being human.  Being human is intrinsically messy.  So get off of your judgmental fence and get messy, you just may end up feeling loved.


Her Love For Her Sister

is severe.  I do not know where it came from, I do not know when it started.  Usually siblings will allow their love to dissipate over time.  Usually siblings will allow adult life to take over their emotions.  She does not, she keeps her love for her sister in front of her.  Her love for her sister is intense, it does not diminish.  If anything, this love grows deeper.  And I think that this love will serve them both, and their children.  I will not criticize, I will not draw attention to how different they are.  I will simply feel honored to watch them be sisters.


Hurt Feelings

Can always find expression on paper.  The written word can give more than just solace.  The range of human emotions that can be felt and expressed through writing is limitless.   I think that this is fabulous as long as it does not replace human beings and face to face communication.

We have a system at work whereby clients can “file grievances”.  We also encourage them to communicate directly with the person they file a grievance against.  The grievance is a means by which a witness can be involved in the communication.  Having a witness helps the clients feel safe about voicing their displeasure with a staff member.

Sometimes I wish that families had the option of filing grievances.  How much easier it would be to express hurt feelings with an unbiased coach to make sure that no one gets trampled on.  In the mean time, writing and waiting a day helps alot.

Of course, there is no substitute for face to face communication…