Many years ago in my speaking days I gave an inservice to some convicted felons who were working towards recovery. Anyone who has even been around a criminal knows that jail brings you intimately close to cruelty and violence. The other hall mark of the convicted felons is their story. The story is that it is not their own fault and that another has caused them to behave in a certain way. This is probably part of the pattern of criminal behavior ~ a feeling that you are not in control of your self and that others can control your behavior.
In any case, we discussed the concepts surrounding domestic violence and one of the concepts is this idea that another person deserves bad treatment because you are upset. Some people actually believe that their own anger or pain entitles them to hurt other people. As you can imagine several people in the audience were very uncomfortable with the discussion of these concepts. That was a long time ago, and indeed, feels far, far away.
Now it seems that society is much more in tune with the concept of owning their own feelings rather than believing that another person has caused them. No one ever has the right to purge their anger on someone else, and yet over and over again, they do.
Whatever another person does, it is no more than your perception of their behavior. You are incorrect if you believe that it is about you. Your behavior is always about yourself, your feelings are always about yourself.
So what matter, but to be kind? Why “purge” on another human being? Why not step back, and breathe, even when you think you are being hurt by another, why not step back and breathe? The truth of the matter, is the who you are is you. It is always up to you to be kind or not, it is never up to another whether you are kind. Take control of who you are, your behavior, and be a good person.
No matter what has happened to you, no matter what hurtful childhood you have had, you are a bad person if you treat others badly. If others have brought you pain, it does not give you a free ticket for cruelty. You are still a bad person, if you are mean and hurt others.