Archives for October 2012


Don’t Ever Underestimate the Power of a Loving Moment


I Am Sure Everyone Else Knew This…

There is a different quality to life if you are not desperately working on achievement, or worse yet, over-achievement.  There is a totally different experience of time that is available only to those who have time.  I used to get very frustrated by unemployed folks who spend a lot of time on FaceBook.  I wasn’t frustrated for any reason except that they were frustrated by me.  I get invitations to play something or the other and there is just no way that I will get to that activity.  There has never been enough time in my life.

Here it is: there is a thoughtfulness, thoroughness and completeness available to those lucky people who have time to dedicate themselves to the object of their desire…

I have never found this to be the case in my life and now that I have discovered this new possibility (called time), I am thrilled and amazed.  I have always been one without enough time.  I always prioritized my activities, yet in retrospect, with my new-found wisdom about time, I can see that prioritization falls very short of the individual goal-making.

Shockingly, I have relentlessly lectured others about these concepts.  I explained to my daughters and daughters-in-law that life energy is finite and you must make decisions about where you want to spend your life energy!  I didn’t know that I was talking about TIME.  To do a thing well, one must have time to do it.  It takes time to bring those qualities to the object of your desire: thoughtfulness, thoroughness and completion.

Isn’t everything done better with those qualities afforded to it?  So there it is, the rub, the relentless pursuit of achievements and the time it takes to actually accomplish them.  It is the paradox of modern times, if you pursue accomplishment, you become busy, making it difficult to have accomplishment.

Here I am, playing in the middle.  I currently have some time, which I do not want to lose, it’s wonderful.  However, I would like to achieve a few things…


The Power of We Begins at Home

I was very happy to hear that Blog Action Day 2012 is about The Power of We.  I couldn’t help but think that the most important “Power of We” begins in our own heart and in our own home. The micro level of we is where it all must start. Exclusivity cannot exist within the power of we. Power of we requires a new value, a newly unified belief system: Inclusivity.

In order for us to begin our process, we must be personally aware of our tendency, either culturally or within our belief system, to be exclusive. Exclusivity gives us what sociologists call “belongingness” and while this is a very good thing – it will not help us with the Power of WE.

We need each other for all that there is to be human.

If you are inclusive, it is much more difficult for you to cheat and steal from others. If you are inclusive, you realize that your own well being is as important as the person who is beside you.  If you were to preface your thought and activity with the concept of we; you would find a remarkable change coming over your life.  By acknowledging the importance and the value of others, you bring a new energy to every encounter.  That energy transforms your encounter into a process that benefits everyone rather than just one.   It takes faith and diligence to give power to inclusivity, yet it is the way for making a future for everyone.

As we deal with the awfulness of the “one percenters” and those who have tricked and cheated the world in order to gain for themselves, we can know beyond a shadow of doubt that the “power of we” will prevail.


I Do Not Wish to be Political, But…

I  watched the vice-presidential debate this week between Joe Biden and Paul Ryan.  I woke up this morning (two days later) feeling angry and here is why:  forget about the idea that a white man (Paul Ryan) believes that he can tell me whether or not I can have an abortion, forget that that issue is in the very forefront of this presidential battle.  I am unbelievably disappointed that we are not saying more about the awfulness of war.  Throughout the 20th century our leaders have taken us to war.  For decades now, we are the most heavily armed country in the world.  In any serious fight, the United States of America, is completely superior in weaponry.

Yet, we, as a nation, continue to send our young men into the line of fire.  If we believe so much in the sanctity of human life, that some declare that “life begins at conception and therefore abortion is murder”, then how do we, these same such people that call ourselves Americans, then send an 18 year old man into a war that we cannot articulate a reason for?

Any reasoning person would think we are insane.  Our politicians (thank God, not all of them) want to control women’s bodies and make sure that every woman who makes a mistake with a man MUST give birth to an unwanted child and yet these same people will mandate a war that kills and maims our young men and it just doesn’t make any sense.

As a nation, we have to decide to call it, one way or another.  Do we value human life?  If so, how can a fetus have a more viable place among us than our 18 year old sons and daughters?


If You Miss Someone That You Love Dearly

At least once a week, when you think about missing your loved one, you must stop everything that you are doing and let them know that you miss them and love them.  If you have more than one “missed one”, that is okay!  At least once a week, remind one of your loved ones how much you love them.  You will feel more connected in your heart and your loved one will too.

Too often, we are too busy to let people know how much we care about them.  By making a weekly commitment, we can keep our love energetic and make sure that our loved ones feel our love.


Start Each Day as if You Own It, You Do.


Who Does That?

I asked my sister, because I am very frustrated about how adults blame their parents for their life.  My sister gently reminded me that is the point of therapists and shouldn’t I know that?  I’ve been a therapist for longer than a decade…

I realized that by going beyond my own childhood demons, I had lost touch with being young, with being thirty, with the whole idea of evolving from child to adult to parenting and grandparenting and on, and on.  Often people learn to resolve their childhood when they are raising their own children.  At times, life can be so difficult that people have to stop and engage in therapy so that childhood issues can be put to rest and life can move forward.

However, this new fashion (and it may be old, just un-recognized) of blaming your parents for all of your adult life is just unrealistic.  Yes, I inherited outgoing behavior from my mother and yes I inherited a short frustration fuse from my father, I get all of that.  Isn’t it up to me to decide what I do with that?  If I get angry with every supervisor I have because s/he reminds me of my father and I end up chronically unemployed, is that my father’s fault?  If my mother spoiled me and I therefore expect my jobs to be easy and life to be without sacrifice, is that my mother’s fault?

We all experience great pain and great grief in our lives.  Some of us have great challenges, such as disabilities and handicaps.  Some of us have had great parents who taught us how to cope and how to be disciplined.  Some of us had great parents who TRIED to teach us how to cope and have discipline and we did not listen or integrate those values into our lives.  Our hair color is determined by DNA and possibly our attitude about life is determined by DNA.  Who we are is a complex connection between our DNA, how we feel about ourselves and our intense and intimate relationships with ourselves and with others. 

I believe to the bottom of my heart that we owe it to our best self to find out what we are capable of by applying our best effort and our best discipline to our own lives.  In order to do that, we must own our lives.  In order to own our own lives, sometimes, we must reclaim it from our parents.  We must unequivocally state, my life, my responsibility, my results.  This action requires bravery and ownership of some, perhaps, not so good decisions.  I do believe that this action is one great way to happiness.  If you are in another’s “clutches” you may never gain freedom for yourself and that is a sad way to live a life.