Archives for April 2013


Your History Does Not Prove You

Lots of people have gotten away with lots of things for lots of years.  I will not take a history lesson as proof that you are a good person.  You can only be a good person, if you are a good person.  You cannot be a good person because for the last 20 years you were not caught at your bad deeds.  You can only be a good person if you truly are a good person.

So please, do not pull out the past as proof of the present, it does not satisfy.


Whether a Person is Good or Bad; Everyone Knew that a Loving Presence had Walked This Way



Self-power was defined as coming from the level of the soul or core consciousness beyond the ego mask. It had the following characteristics:
  • Independence from the good and bad opinions of others but responsive to feedback (personally immune to flattery and criticism)
  • Fearlessness
  • Beneath no one (also superior to no one)
Deepak Chopra

Judgmentalness – Is That A Word?

What is the distance between derogatory comment and contempt?  What then, is the distance between contempt and separation?

I feel so strongly about this for a couple of reasons:  I have long been against triangulated communication and I have long been against judgmentalness, put-downs and other derogatory types of communication.  When you agree with someone who is being negative about another person, you are ‘signing off’ on the means in which they communicate.  You are agreeing that it is alright to NOT be direct in your communication and you are ‘signing off’ on this negative.

When negativity goes unchecked, un-remarked upon and unquestioned it blooms into an unearthly and overwhelming jungle that is dangerous to traverse.  It is a jungle that does harm and withholds nourishment from inhabitants.

Part of what is wrong with negative communication is the witnesses’ inability to call the person out on their negativity.  I think if the comment dies its own death, fine, but when the comment gets nourished by a listening and supportive ear, the negativity gains power and it is power that is destructive.

So when your sister says to you “our sister is so selfish, it is ridiculous” and what your sister really means is “I am becoming overwhelmed with our sister’s needs”, if we, the unwitting audience allows the first sentence to stand without gaining any real information about what is really going on – then we give power to dislike, argumentiveness and hurtfulness.

These situations can become durable and can even separate families.  Part of the issue, is – of course – the judgmental complainer – however!  The other part of the issue is the willing audience that signs off on judgmental and mean spirited complaining, someone who does not encourage open and honest two – way communication.  Triangulation is never healthy, unless and until it is followed up with honest and forthright two-way communication.  If it is not, and the disloyalty stands, then loyalty itself becomes suspect.

We end up creating unhealthy collusions that are destined for disaster.  Make no mistake about it; negativity running amuck is damaging and hurtful…


Did I Just Speak English? And Other Inconsistencies of Communication

I don’t know why, and I do not know if I am contributing to the cause, but it seems that an overwhelming number of people that I speak to repeat themselves over and over again, or say things that they know I know – over and over again.  I don’t understand this.  I will be in a meeting with someone and that someone can come out of the meeting and then stand there and try to tell me what was said in the meeting.  These are simple concepts and I do not understand why folks have a need to re-iterate them.  There is a smugness and self-important stance on the face of so many.  Why?  We haven’t done anything fabulous, or popular or even good.  We are just working, we are getting our jobs done and we are going about our business.  What is the need for continual re-emphasis on something that has happened in the past?  What is the importance of re-saying something and then pretending wisdom or knowledge?  Why is there a need to restate every issue that has ever occurred to you that was even remotely related to now?  Why?  I cannot stand redundancy and redundancy seems to chase me, everywhere and with everything.  Is it because I dislike it so much?

Sometimes, I think that people believe that the past is a guide to the future.  I do not think that this is true at all.  We live in a real world, that is, for the most part, mundane.  Telling me how you kept paper files and organized your life 20 years ago will not help me now.  This may give me some insight as to why the young do not listen to the old.  The young may be tired of hearing the same things over and over again and they may be tired of hearing about antiquated systems that are not relevant by today’s standards.

So, I would say this: in order to give away your wisdom, you must first rid yourself of your smug redundancies.  You have many things that are good and right to share, but you cannot define them, only your audience defines them.  To give your wisdom to others, assure yourself that you are not just complaining for complaints sake and that you honestly offer something to be in service to another.  We may be correct, we may be right – but if our words are ill received – they fall on deaf ears and therefore are not heard.


How You Are and other Observations

Imagine living a life, growing up in an environment where everything you say, must be wrong.  When you speak to your parents they listen intently waiting for the moment when they will find the error in your thinking or in your speaking.  On the outside, it looks as if your parents are very interested in what you are speaking about.  But it is not true, they are simply predators looking for a way to build their own egos substantively by making sure that you understand that YOU have made a mistake, or, are engaging in wrong thinking.

You might grow up to be very much like them.  You might begin to speak only as a matter of finding a way to repudiate the error in everyone’s thinking.  You are right; you know this, because you have thought about it.  You pounce on any opportunity to show someone the error of their ways.  Your ego is gigantic because your own thinking can reason out so many ways to show others’ mistakes.  You look around, you are alone…