Just get over it.  I’ve been agonizing this issue for a decade…and it’s crazy how fast time flies.

I’m not even sure when it happened.  How did I go from being sexy to being matronly?  A body figure that is staying no matter what dieting and exercise I do.  My body shape just is.  I have a European body style inherited from my Irish/Italian mother: protruding stomach and no hips at all.

I fought the matronly type tooth and nail, but guess what?  It has nothing to do with dress, it’s all about the body shape.  The real problem is me: I just don’t want to accept that my body doesn’t fit the sexy script of popular America.

Why and when did this happen?  My metabolism slowed down to a zero.  Even though I have changed my entire diet dramatically and completely, I weigh the same as I did when I was eating cake.  It appears that my metabolism is evolutions way of telling me that I am no longer useful as a life producing and energy producing entity.  Dang.

It is my resistance that is the restriction on my happiness.  I spend hours shopping for the exact right garment and nothing fits.  It doesn’t fit because, in so many ways, I am still shopping for the old me.  No, I cannot wear spandex, no I cannot wear a pencil skirt, no I cannot wear short shirts or short shorts, not if I want to have self-respect.  I keep returning clothes, or even selling them on Thredup.  The older I get, the more of my old wardrobe is useless.

Now, I am struggling with the wardrobe of retirement.  All of those sharp and stylish career looks are useless now.  What just happened?  First my body goes south on me (literally), then my lifestyle is upended by a dramatic change: from the workforce to my home + the grocery store.

Aww, darn it, can I just add one more complaint?  It is hot here in Florida, and no winter for the past five years has required a coat – none.  We used to need coats, if only for a week, here and there, not anymore.  So, there goes another piece of my wardrobe mishaps and disasters.

What do I buy on my limited budget, without increasing the matronly perception?  I don’t want to be defined by my look.  However, in order to be real to myself, I have to attend to my look.  I am aware of perceptions about me, particularly perceptions that are based on my look.

I care about how I am perceived.  How I look feels important to me.  I have read lots of blogs about aging fashion.  I do not feel that they have assisted in any way.  One website suggested a uniform for my lifestyle.  Clothing manufacturers rarely assist older and larger women.  There are few style choices: look trashy in spandex or like a tent in polyester. Choices are limited and in order to create a great look, I had to go to different places, and break into new ways of thinking to come up with a plan.  Many style experts rely on scarves and sweaters to camouflage the older woman body type.  You just cannot do that in Florida, unless you really want to look like a fool.

My old stand-by is LLBean. I have purchased from them for decades.  They are definitely stepping up their game in blue jeans.  However, I have difficulty with getting a variety of tunic length shirts that fit just right.  As with any clothing manufacturer, sometimes a large fits and sometimes I need an extra large.

In part, I have had to change my beliefs around clothing.  I used to have a dress-up section in my closet, it was a section strictly for working at the office. Since I have long been concerned with comfort, much of what is there is appropriate for errands and social gatherings. But, I have to change my beliefs about that clothing; it used to be off limits for weekends, or anything casual.  I can dress this clothing down, just as I can dress it up. So now, the goal is to find more purpose and use out of clothing that previously had only one function. I also can redefine how I feel about clothing in general. I used to always be looking for sales on blouses and slacks and I always had a black skirt. Now, I don’t need that kind of pressure in my life, yet it’s hard to turn off after thirty years. Note to self: Don’t buy any more blouses, and, what do you need skirts for?

In the meantime, I can wear that pretty blouse to a friend’s house, and slacks are comfy when it’s chilly outside.

The biggest belief change comes around and with my body. I don’t want to look like a 16 year old model – I really don’t. I also willingly relinquish that sexy look, because it is so much pressure. If matronly is what it is, then I’m going to love what it is. The truth is that it is important to redefine beauty in this culture. Feminine beauty should not be a thing that magazines and men decide it to be. Female beauty must be a thing that women decide, based on reality and not another’s perception.

If you come across me and you make an attempt to dismiss me because I am matronly, don’t be surprised when I come back at you as valuable and attractive.