Archives for June 2013


I Just Want to Be Regular

Is there space in this universe for regular?  I know, that when I was younger, I decried mediocrity, I was disgusted with people who didn’t care about being better, being super, being cool…

Now, all I want is a nap.  I mean it.  Really, I can take normal, I don’t want to marry a woman, I’m not mad because I am trounced on by proud white men.  I just want to get by.  That may be a sad statement about reality, but really, I just want to get by.  I don’t want to change the world, I really just want to make sure that my kids get a real chance at a good life and I hope that I can live to be old with dignity.  I don’t want anything special, just to stay off of the alzheimer medications!

So really, let me be.  I was all fiery about having the perfect home and then the perfect kids and then the perfect foods and it all just fizzled out, yeah, like that.  What I really want now; is to know love, to know peace and to experience joy.  I cannot have any of those things if I am running around angry or frustrated or aggressive.  All of those things (love, peace and joy) are available to me through acceptance.  Acceptance is unconditional, I have to be alright right now with what is right now.  I am not working towards something, I am not trying to accomplish anything, I am, that is all.

For me, the middle child, who must accomplish and who must be productive, this is difficult.  I have been driven, all of my life.  I have n.e.v.e.r. known peace, ever.  I had this idea that I would rest when I accomplished whatever it was that needed to be done in order for me to feel successful.  It just wasn’t to be done.  Because when you have that feeling of ‘doing’ there is no ‘done’.

So now, I say, accept.  Have what you have.  It is what it is.  Be as you are.  Yeah.



Calorie Counts tbt* 6-24-13

In this morning’s edition of tbt*, there is an article “Don’t count on calorie counts.”  I was frankly very disappointed in the article.  The article cites several studies looking at receipts in restaurants that have recently published calorie counts.  The thesis is that people would consume more calories before they were posted because they consumed food in ignorance of the number of calories in the food.  The theory posits that once people know how many calories they are eating, they will purchase food with less calories.

According to the studies cited, in some cases people bought less calories and in some cases people bought more calories and in a lot of cases calorie buying behavior did not change, just because people were informed.  This is not surprising to me.  When did the fast food chains start posting calorie counts?  Recently, that’s when.

Here is the comment that especially disappointed me “We’re not as plump as we are because we’ve never had our eyes opened to the wages of a Whopper.  We’re this way because it’s all too easy, in a pang of hunger and collapse of resolve, to turn a blind eye to the toll.” 

To be in the overweight and obese situation that we are in is not a matter of an event.  Just like being an addict, you must re-choose your addiction over and over again, every single day.  You cannot be obese because on one day, in a pang of hunger you collapsed your resolve.  Every single day for months and months and then years and years, you must ignore calories and refuse exercise over and over again.  You cannot become obese without having a bit of resolve.  You must have resolved to ignore calories and you must insist on NOT exercising to excess.  You must have a commitment to ongoing over-eating.  This is not easy, your body will reject this; you will have to buy Alka Seltzer and Pepto Bismol and Tums.  You will have to ignore what your body is telling you about your stomach.  So please, do not suggest that a single event happened and we are now overweight.  It is an ongoing string of events.


My Muse

You know, it’s kind of embarrassing to be in love.  No – I mean it.  Who wants to acknowledge breathlessly waiting for someone?  In some families this ‘lame’ behavior is a desired trait.  For my family, true love with the opposite sex was a weakness (not that love with the same sex was any better).  So here I am ‘hopelessly in love’ with this guy and it is embarrassing.  Come on, tell me I am not alone in this experience?


Why can’t people always give the best to others? What gets in the way? Let your heart lead in the dance of life. Always do the right thing for the next human being.



In a sea of grey and white and black and grey, I see a pink ruffle and purple hem.  My granddaughters have both passed this way and they have claimed their hug and their one-on-one focus.

We are here to celebrate a life that is no more.  We are reminiscing about someone who is no more; we are here to speak of someone we love.  We are here to give respect and love to one who has touched us and given to us and then passed on.

Within the sea of grey, I see the pink and the purple and I know that life is with us.  I see that even though I know death intimately, I know life, yes I know life.


Sometimes I Mistake Politeness for Friendliness


“Change ‘Them’ or Change You”

This concept makes complete sense.  We know that other people will not change their behavior just because of our sense of what is right and what is wrong.  We try our level best, and even with our own children, they adopt some behaviors that we do not like.  It’s important that we do not stress ourselves over someone else’s behavior.  We cannot change them, as my friend says “It is what it is.”  I have to draw the line though, with this idea that because I cannot change them, I will then accommodate the bad behavior.  I will not do this.

I will not accommodate bad behavior, particularly when it has a deleterious effect on me or someone I know and / or love.  I do not believe that because I cannot change you, I should just keep my mouth shut and put up with your messiness!  I agree, from the bottom of my heart, that it is of no use for me to get excited and upset about someone else’s behavior, but it does not then follow that I must tolerate that behavior.

Often, all people need, is a little bit of feedback.  People do not always know that they are behaving badly, give them some feedback.  Maybe, if you do it without being angry and upset, maybe, if you realize that you cannot change them, it won’t be so upsetting and you can have the conversation without getting angry or arguing.

The other important point here is that people will sometimes do whatever they can get away with – when it benefits themselves to do so.  Like a husband who cheats on his wife, someone (usually) was allowing him to get away with that behavior.  Stepping in and telling someone to stop is difficult work, and at times, it can even put the relationship at risk.

There are also degrees of harm.  What I mean by ‘degrees of harm’ is that people will often begin their bad behavior in very subtle ways.  At first, the person may just dismiss your wishes, it may be subtle, but it starts out as just feeling uncomfortable.  It can then escalate into full-fledged disrespect with the last step being abuse.  It can go on for very long periods of time.  You may even explain to the person that you do not like the behavior and they might continue it anyway.  In the end, you might end up losing the person from your life.  It is up to you.  You have to decide, and it is not for another to judge or say that you are wrong.

There is something to be said about * not just seeing and perceiving what we want for our own ego sake * but also seeing and perceiving what others are experiencing as a result of our behavior.  It can be worthwhile to check it out.



Sometimes, I play out in another person’s life as if I was never even there.  They have been rejected so much in life, that no matter what I do, they will contrive a rejection from me, even though it never happened.



The wise person realizes that his own experience does not reflect the universe, but only a very small, small fraction of the universe and therefore a wise person is accepting of differences of experience.  It also follows that a wise person makes no assumptions and avoids the minds tendency to categorize everyone into belief structures.  The wise person wants to experience the now and so avoids pre-conceived notions and ideas.

You can only know or be aware of these things if you do not try to contain THE universe within YOUR universe.  The universe is diverse and has very few issues with right and wrong.  On the other hand, if you go through your experience unchallenged, you may begin to believe that you have an inside track with God and you may begin thinking that you can determine what is right and what is wrong.  You may begin to believe that your opinion in all matters must dictate how the universe works.  This will make you vulnerable to much frustration and even anger because, for the most part, the universe works as it wishes and is not dictated by a person’s opinion.

In some ways, this is the beginning of true personal growth – the acknowledgement of otherness in the universe, a willingness to experience the otherness, not as a threat, but as another part of an inclusive universe.


Abuse Always Starts that Way –

First approach of a ‘different’ idea, response is a thought: I don’t agree with you, so I will just dismiss you and what you say.  Verbal response is placating.  Second approach “I told you, I don’t like the way you think, so stop talking to me about that.”  Third approach “Are you stupid?”  Fourth approach, heatedly “You are stupid, I already told you, I don’t like what you have to say, do not say it anymore.”