Archives for February 2016


Hanging Onto the Past

Most people have a very difficult time staying in the moment. Scratch that, everyone I know, has a very difficult time staying in the moment and allowing the present to give information about what to do next.
What is the first thing we do when in a new situation? We attempt to anchor ourselves with past information about a similar situation. This is actually harmful to our current ability to manage the current situation appropriately. If our current situation is similar to a prior negative situation, our body will tense up and we can feel ourselves cringing, getting ourselves ready for the negativity to repeat itself. This tenseness and cringing does not serve us, because we become defensive, sometimes in perfectly benign and sometimes in perfectly positive situations. We may even close ourselves off to new incoming feedback that will give us clues to the positivity in this new situation.
What is the first thing we say in a new relationship? “You remind me of ____________” or “My last boyfriend was ___________” or “My last supervisor was _________”. I remember that at one point in my career, I became aware that I was afraid of large blonde haired men. It turned out that they intimidated me because my father is a large blonde haired man. I would snap to attention even though I was the identified supervisor.
No wonder the past plays itself out repeatedly, we are often in the past, in our own heads. From this perspective it is difficult to spring forward into the future. Indeed, historically, it was a survival mechanism to recognize the advance of someone / something harmful. I often think that this is why people take anger so seriously, in a primitive society it was important to run from angry, strong people.
So here we are today, living more precisely by our thinking and our emotion, with much less aggressively physical threats, with no way to re-adjust our brain. While it is important to reference the past when going into a new situation, it is just as important to stay anchored in the present. It is our tendency to hang onto the past that puts us in trouble in the present.

The practice of neutrality is an imperative tool for maturity and is most definitely an excellent tool for managing people.


Some Don’ts for Everyday Life.

Don’t expect bad people to do good stuff.

Don’t be disappointed when bad people are bad.

Don’t be fooled by appearances.  The most accomplished liar I know is a gorgeous blonde with an angelic face.



Ego Boosters in Place of Performance

New Concept; Quit Making Excuses and Hold People Accountable including Leadership

It really is that person’s fault, they are not being fooled, they are being foolish, which is a whole different thing.

Let me back up and elaborate. We have often said and thought that our executives are fooled by non-performing staff whom are fantastic at showing off and marketing themselves.  We can’t understand how such brilliant leaders are fooled by such blatant non-performers.  And further, when we talk performance, we are speaking to measurable items like sales and collections.  In other words, we look at what leadership tells us to do, measure it and realize that these chronic under-performers never measure up.

Leadership appears so sincere when discussing organizational goals that we fall for it every single time. I know I do.  Then, after a meeting, I am inevitably caught wondering what is this leadership thinking?  The answer is that, normally, people do not think beyond their own ego.  It is not that difficult for a non-performer to stay employed (even in a highly compensated job) if they are skilled at soothing and building the egos of leadership.  This skill is highly valuable to leadership.  The executive leadership will make excuses for poor performance, even when that poor performance is so widely known as to be impossible to overlook: if that poor performance is performed by a highly skilled ego-booster for their own selves.  Other executives will excuse leadership, because “the leaders just don’t see it, they don’t know what a poor performer s/he is”.

In fact, none of this is true. Overlooking and giving others excuses is just the one way trip to group delusions about the future.  Eventually, if you place enough non-performers together, no matter how big the cash cow is, it will stop producing.  The bad news is that the executives who created the negative situation will give themselves bonuses and raises and the front line staff who have suffered the low wages, will lose their jobs and their security.  Eventually, that kind of poor management comes to a very bad end.

Of course ego builders are not the only ones who get a free ride.  But, they sure are the most dangerous.


If You Are Going to Hate Me…

I wish you would get to know me first. You can’t imagine my dismay when I found out that I was an enemy to you.



I searched my memory, what did I do? Did I say something that would hurt your feelings?  Did I make the wrong remark at the wrong time?  I looked inside myself for resentment towards you, to see if something hurtful had slipped out.

I did not find any resentment; I’ll admit, I did not notice you very much. I was so busy with my own life; I had no idea about yours.  I was prepared to learn about you and to care about you.  Our lives had collided and I was looking forward to hearing your story.

You stayed quiet, reserved and away from me. Then I learned that you had done and said bad things about me and to me.  We never even talked.  What happened?  The worst part is, I don’t know what happened.  Because I live and breath responsibility, I tried to blame it on myself.  I questioned and blamed and worried.


You hating me and not knowing me, means that this is all about you and myself is not even in the mix. You hating me is all about you and your own anguish and pain.

So never mind, it is better that you do not know me and yet you hate me. I know that it is all about your own poisoned heart and really has nothing to do with me.