How?
Why?
I searched my memory, what did I do? Did I say something that would hurt your feelings? Did I make the wrong remark at the wrong time? I looked inside myself for resentment towards you, to see if something hurtful had slipped out.
I did not find any resentment; I’ll admit, I did not notice you very much. I was so busy with my own life; I had no idea about yours. I was prepared to learn about you and to care about you. Our lives had collided and I was looking forward to hearing your story.
You stayed quiet, reserved and away from me. Then I learned that you had done and said bad things about me and to me. We never even talked. What happened? The worst part is, I don’t know what happened. Because I live and breath responsibility, I tried to blame it on myself. I questioned and blamed and worried.
Wait,
You hating me and not knowing me, means that this is all about you and myself is not even in the mix. You hating me is all about you and your own anguish and pain.
So never mind, it is better that you do not know me and yet you hate me. I know that it is all about your own poisoned heart and really has nothing to do with me.
One Comment
Lynette
This is excellent, Johanna. It really reflects the introspection that comes with learning that you are disliked, through no fault of your own. First you blame yourself. Then you question your relationship with others, the rest of the world, then you come to acceptance that people carry their own baggage and that, though you may be able to help them with it, you can never rid them of it. Only they can do that. Beautiful!