I will not accommodate bad behavior, particularly when it has a deleterious effect on me or someone I know and / or love. I do not believe that because I cannot change you, I should just keep my mouth shut and put up with your messiness! I agree, from the bottom of my heart, that it is of no use for me to get excited and upset about someone else’s behavior, but it does not then follow that I must tolerate that behavior.
Often, all people need, is a little bit of feedback. People do not always know that they are behaving badly, give them some feedback. Maybe, if you do it without being angry and upset, maybe, if you realize that you cannot change them, it won’t be so upsetting and you can have the conversation without getting angry or arguing.
The other important point here is that people will sometimes do whatever they can get away with – when it benefits themselves to do so. Like a husband who cheats on his wife, someone (usually) was allowing him to get away with that behavior. Stepping in and telling someone to stop is difficult work, and at times, it can even put the relationship at risk.
There are also degrees of harm. What I mean by ‘degrees of harm’ is that people will often begin their bad behavior in very subtle ways. At first, the person may just dismiss your wishes, it may be subtle, but it starts out as just feeling uncomfortable. It can then escalate into full-fledged disrespect with the last step being abuse. It can go on for very long periods of time. You may even explain to the person that you do not like the behavior and they might continue it anyway. In the end, you might end up losing the person from your life. It is up to you. You have to decide, and it is not for another to judge or say that you are wrong.
There is something to be said about * not just seeing and perceiving what we want for our own ego sake * but also seeing and perceiving what others are experiencing as a result of our behavior. It can be worthwhile to check it out.
