02Sep

How the Blog Started

The Push-Me Pull-You Llama is a character in a children’s book. The push-me pull-you is a 2 headed llama, who often fought against himself when trying to go in any direction, both heads tried to lead. I read this Doctor Dolittle book to my kids when they were young. Later as my kids grew older, I often felt like my kids and I were an expression of the two-headed llama. When my kids became teenagers they would try to pull away from me. I would try to hold onto them, as I was not ready to give them up. When my sons went into the service, I would write letters, sometimes daily, to keep them close. There were times, when I felt ‘complete’ as if I could be satisfied with my child-rearing and it appeared that life was moving on. Often, when I detached from an adult child – that is when the adult child would start expressing need for me. It was as if we were always in a mismatched dance of dependence and independence. We could never be in concert: I pulled away, they pushed, I pushed them close, they pulled away.

As the kids moved out, they often lived a few miles away and being separate from them was sometimes shocking and sometimes painful. I always wondered if I had taught them enough and explained enough to them. I wanted to be sure that each and every one of them had the right tools to be successful in life. Ultimately, life is a trickster and no matter what skills you have picked up along the way, life will throw you the curve ball. There is no way to prepare for all of life’s challenges.

That’s why I started the blog. I have always written and always loved writing. The bottom line was to stay in touch with many and far-flung kids no matter where they wandered in the world. This way, I could feel more complete about our conversations – I could feel as if I had given them everything they needed.

The blog became more, I started living my life myself and realizing how rich the world is. I began getting involved: http://blogactionday.org/register-to-take-part/ Writing has its own reward, I didn’t need to do it to ‘finish’ raising the kids; I needed to do it for me. This is where I am today. Yes, I dearly love to continue communicating with my kids. Now, the blog has taken a life of its own. It is an expression of us, my family, in this ever changing world.

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