An Easter Love Letter to my Family & Friends

We face change and evolution often and sometimes, like now, it feels like too often.  Structures come and go with time, but somehow it seems wrong to change a structure on purpose.  Which is exactly what I have done.  I did this because at this late date and late stage, I hold out for the torch of happiness.  I had to change the structure of my life completely to engender the kind of necessary change that must come to me.  I can hardly believe that I have not succumbed to the ugly kind of “acceptance” that I see all around me.  No, I really want some happiness.  My kids bring me joy, my work brings great satisfaction, yet I need Happiness.  Don’t know if what I have done will bring any happiness, but I do know that where I was – was unhappy.

This isn’t about me.  This is about telling you that I love you.  I cherish every memory, sometimes reminiscing until the wee hours of the morning.  I loved the good times and accepted the bad times.  I love my far-away children, I love my far-away grandchildren.  Most of all, today is quiet, astoundingly quiet.  I am wishing that the structure of my old life still surrounded me, at least for this day.  So that, Cadence could be begrudgingly dressed up and Lily could be chasing her and Shawn could be running to get all of the “dollar” Easter eggs and I could see Tommy later in the day…  All of the twenty-somethings would be wandering in and out of the house and the thirty-somethings would be on the couch talking about parenting.

I miss my old staff terribly, what a great team we made!  We worked and worked and we stayed and stayed. We built trust and hope and faith.  We loved people when they didn’t want it, and gave them a soft place to land when necessary.  We accepted human beings, but not their situation.  And lastly, we grieved together, life being what it is, when you spend that much time together there comes a time when you are forced to grieve.  We did that together unabashedly.

Lastly, I hope that once again, in another time and in another place, I can recreate the structure that I had with you.  Safe, loved and supported.   And in the meantime, I hope that I do not lose you.