We make up our mind about someone, let’s say that what we have decided is that the person is a “no good criminal”. Many facts may come into our processing system about that person, but the only facts that we will grasp are those facts which serve our mind and our construct. Only facts that confirm our conviction about the “no good criminal” will be saved, any other fact that suggests a redeeming quality will be discarded.
This is in direct opposition to “be here now”. If we be here now then we are capable of receiving all information that is available to us in the moment. If we do not respond to our belief system and instead be available to what is present, then we are capable of “be here now”. Responding to the belief system is agreeing with “construct”. Any belief is a decision that you have made in the past and pulls you out of this moment.
So here is the thing, when you make up a construct about me, good, bad or indifferent, it is not me, because who I am is right here, right now. I am often constructed, most often it is a good construct, and of course, I like that. Sometimes it is a not-so-good construct. When it is a not so good construct, I become hyper-vigilant and I watch the process. I am interested in how any new information comes in and gets processed. So in watching the process, if the new information does not fit the negative construct, you will dismiss the new information, it is not relevant because it does not fit the negative construct. This can occur, even when your construct about me is good. But again, whatever your construct, it is not me.
So when I change, you may not be available to feel or see the change because you are in your construct of me rather than with me. My change is present, but you will feel and see what you felt and saw yesterday and the day before. You will not feel and see me, who is now changed.
All dilemmas lead back to the same resolve, “Be here now”. Only by being here now are we capable of fully experiencing ourselves and each other. In any relationship it’s crucial stuff. My kids have done a good job of this. As I have fluttered through my soul searching life, they absolutely get that there is no social construct that I quite fit into. They don’t try to tie me down with “All mothers cook Sunday dinner.” They don’t try to make me be the “gramma from Betty Crocker”. I appreciate that and I appreciate them for who they really are now.
