• Personal Growth,  Philosophy,  Psychology of Life,  Spirituality

    A New Understanding or/

    March 7, 2020

    Your Soul is Not Physical

    Your soul is the collection of all of the things that make you, you. They are collected together to make you from the life force of DNA and all of your ancestors who walked before you. This collection is no accident and no mistake. The collective unconscious brings everything to life in this place called Earth.

    Unknown Source

    To make you, you, a collection of characteristics describes and define you. All characteristics occur on a scale. You have all, we all have all: love, hate, generosity, greed, good and evil. You may be like Mother Teresa, one who has 95% love and only 0.1% of hate. You may be like Jeffrey Dahmer, 95% hate and 0.1% love. All other characteristics squeezed into the middle.

    Your characteristics are a unique combination that is you. Your DNA helped to bring your combination to you. Our DNA is the way that our ancestors bring the characteristics to us. Even our intelligence and critical thinking skills come to us in this way.

    These characteristics can shrink, or increase based on our nurturing and yet these characteristics do not go away. Who can say why the child grows into a drug addict, a doctor, a cheater, or a lover? The DNA can bring the very strongest selfishness into being and the child, while capable of love, will always default to this selfishness. The parent will have difficulty with this child and even the most loving parent can falter in the face of such selfishness. The most loving of children can be brutalized and beaten beyond recognition and then become brutes themselves. Their loving nature can be buried under the pain and anguish that is their life.

    Those who are self-aware can use the knowledge to see through the perfect veil of people who live in society.

    Eclipse
    JB Collection

    There is every possibility of characteristic combination alive today. There is a schizophrenic man who is also hateful and mean. There is a Down’s syndrome woman who is loving and kind and yet also greedy and obese. Every combination of characteristics can exist and each characteristic lives on a scale. The scale can be overwhelming as in the case of a serial killer or negligible as in the case of selfishness that is negligible to nonexistent.

    So, how does this relate to our spiritual selves? This collection of energies that you are, this life force that defines you in your physical self, can dissipate once you pass away. Your energies do not keep the form that you had as a physical body. Your energies are free to form again, perhaps into something else, perhaps into another human with a different set of characteristics. Your physical self never exists again.

    The Soul Touches
    JB Collection

    Your soul is the combined life energies of your characteristics and your life experiences as a human. Your soul is an energy life force that is housed in your physical body. When your physical body leaves your soul life force, your life force can dissipate and become many energies. Your love does not die, the energy of your lovingness moves on.

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  • Hmmm...,  Psychology of Life

    My Writing Left Me

    March 6, 2020

    I don’t know what happened, my writing left me. My writing comes at me, sometimes forcefully. I must write and I must write often. Somehow, it was gone last month, only shortly, but there it was, not there.

    I didn’t want to write. Sometimes concepts would come, yet there they would go. In the background of my brain, I feel a coalescence of concepts growing. It goes forward on it’s own. It is as if I already know what I will write, yet it does not come to me.

    February has always been a powerful month for me. Life changing. Maybe those thoughts are what was crowding my brain. I don’t know. But…

    The writing is back.

    Golden March
    Golden March JB Collection
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  • Psychology of Life

    20 Ways to Change Your Life in 2020

    January 6, 2020

    It’s the New Year and we are all ready to change our lives! I’m making 2020 the easiest year to change your life by giving you 20 Ways to make it happen.

    To change your life, say yes to Love.

    Love centers every interaction with calmness. When you love everyone, it changes how you think of them. It changes how you think of yourself.

    To change your life, say yes to Abundance.

    The world is full of abundance and anything you can wish for is available. Believing in abundance gives you abundance. Commit to challenging and changing beliefs that limit you by being about scarcity.

    To change your life, say yes to Honesty.

    Lies are obvious, you must be in denial to believe them. It is hectic and stressful to sustain lies, even if you are the receiving party. Honesty is easier and healthier. I dive deeper into honesty in this article, or refer to this book on the justification of lies.

    To change your life, say yes to Responsibility.

    Responsibility will bring you security. When you decide on responsibility, you give yourself a home and something to build upon. Do your part for those you love. If that means doing dishes, or picking up your dirty socks, do it!

    Change your life with Nature in 2020
    Mermaid Walking

    To change your life, say yes to Action.

    Procrastination stops you from accomplishment, why indulge in procrastination? Step out of your own traps and complete your chores. Adopt the mantra “20 ways to change your life in 2020” to combat procrastination.

    To change your life, say yes to Boundaries.

    When you work, work.

    When you play, play.

    Circumscribe your activities with purpose.

    Consciously choose what you absorb.

    Focus on the moment, in the moment.

    To change your life, say yes to Relaxation with a purpose.

    Find your relaxation response, explore meditation, or yoga, or massage and acupuncture.  Whatever your relaxation response is, use it.

    To change your life, say yes to Yourself.

    If you need to rest and recuperate, “No” is a complete sentence, say it.

    Rest is one of 20 ways to change your life in 2020
    Darkness is for Resting

    Say yes to getting rid of your mad.

    One event deserves only one mad: spend it wisely. 

    Don’t regurgitate your mad over and over and over again. 

    Once you have completed your mad, move on and don’t dwell. What you pay attention to absorbs your energy. You don’t want anger to be your calling card.

    Where your attention goes, energy flows.

    To change your life, say yes to Forgiveness

    It has been said that unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Science tells us that unforgiveness leads to bitterness and that bitterness kills. Emmett Fox is the spiritual thought leader with extensive writing on forgiveness. If you want to explore the idea of forgiveness more, check out his book on Amazon.

    To change your life, say yes to Self Love.

    Be loving to yourself in thoughts, words and deeds.

    Do whatever it takes to remind yourself that you matter and deserve love just for being you.

    Don’t deny your true worth.

    Do what you know is best for you.

    To change your life, say yes to Self Care.

    Stay on top of your stress, be aware of consequences of stress and take measures to ameliorate your stress! The 20 ways to change your life in 2020 is all about self care, you can incorporate any one of the ways into your self care routing.

    Self Care is one of the 20 Ways to Change your life in 2020
    Self Care

    To change your life, say yes to Respect for yourself and others.

    All interactions become positive with the addition of respect.

    To change your life, say yes to Oneness.

    Allow yourself to see that your spirit is a part of the whole; when you see this, your place in the universe becomes infinite and purposeful.

    To change your life, say yes to Non-Violence.

    Violence can be verbal, physical, mental or emotional.  Leave violence behind to live longer and to keep your loved ones close.  Violence separates humans from each other.

    To change your life, say yes to Integrity.

    The definition of integrity is the state of being whole and undivided.  How wonderful it is to be clear and purposeful about your decisions in life?

    To change your life, say yes to Imperfection.

    Perfection will cost you your peace of mind.  Allowing yourself to embrace the ups and downs of life will give you freedom.

    Accept that you are perfectly imperfect.

    To change your life, say yes to Communication.

    Don’t leave relationship pain hanging. Pain leads to bitterness and we already know what bitterness does to us.

    Communication is one of 20 ways to change your life in 2020
    Unknown source

    To change your life, say yes to Present.

    Say good-by to the past. Science tells us that our memories are unreliable; it just doesn’t pay to look back and second-guess yesterday.

    To change your life, say yes to Sleep.

    Put your phone in the kitchen every night. The only exceptions are family member hospitalization, stock market in Japan or teenager out at a party. These exceptions are singular in nature, you can still place your phone in the kitchen at all other times.

    Calmness is one of 20 ways to change your life in 2020
    Waves and Sunset
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  • Economy of Effort,  Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life

    Top Five Tips to Create Goals and Accomplish Them Over the Next 365 Days

    December 17, 2019

    JB Collection

    Goal Setting for 2020

    For personal goal setting it pays to have a bit of practicality. For example, if you are not an athlete, you don’t want to try to run a marathon in 4 weeks or less, it just won’t work. Most athletes will plan for a marathon for 3 to 5 months.

    It should be a “stretch”. It should be something special, something you have wanted to do and have just not been able to do, for whatever reason.

    Because it is a special goal, something that you want, you should be able to apply AbC: All by Commitment, you really want it, so you make a promise to yourself to get it done (broken promises eat away at your self-worth). If you can’t bring yourself to commitment, then give it up. Your internal voice will let you know if your goal is viable or not. Caveat: don’t overthink this!

    The reason for commitment is simple; it’s to get you through the times when you “don’t want to”. You don’t need commitment when life is joyful and easy, you need commitment when you are tired, or lazy.

    One other thing you will need for effective goal setting is a feedback loop. You must have a way to measure your progress. That’s easy if what you want to do is lose weight, not so much if your goal is to “get in shape”. To be effective, you need goals, and objectives that you can measure.

    What’s the difference between a goal and an objective? A goal is your overall want and your objective is a piece of that want. Back to dieting: the goal is to lose 5 pounds; the objective might be to cut sugar out of your diet. Cutting sugar out of your diet is a step towards the goal of losing 5 pounds. See how that works?

    Be aware of your challenges and make sure that you don’t “bite off more than you can chew”. Use the feedback loop to let you know if the goal is too difficult to accomplish. Don’t give up! Moderate your goal and don’t let it become too difficult to accomplish.

    Tips to Accomplish Your Goals in the Next 365 Days

    1. Make your goal workable and reachable.
    2. Make your goal special and make it a s-t-r-e-t-c-h, it should be a little difficult. Understand that goals should challenge you. Pushing through challenge is when growth happens.
    3. Make a clear commitment and listen to your inner guide.
    4. Make sure you can measure progress towards your goal i.e.:
      • Words written per day
      • Number of jobs applied for
      • Miles run
      • Classes attended
    5. Envision yourself attaining your goals. Feel the feeling of successful goal accomplishment. Get after it!
    Unknown Source
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  • Economic Equality (A Goal),  It is What it is...,  Love and Relationships,  Psychology of Life,  Wise Words

    Oprah, please stop saying Karma is real, it’s not, this is…

    November 8, 2019

    Scott Umstattd / Unsplash

    Please stop saying “karma is real”. It isn’t. When you say it, it implies that those people who have suffered terribly with pain and loss, somehow deserved it, by just not being good enough. If they had lived a good enough life, karma would not have zapped them and made them suffer.

    My mother worked all of her life. She worked from the time she was sixteen until she had a stroke (between shifts), as a bartender at age 67. She gave her love and her heart endlessly to everyone. The funeral director who oversaw her service, told me that he had never had anyone pass away, that brought so many visitors to his establishment. The funeral home was crowded for hours and hours, with people who wanted to see her one more time. She was so loved, and incredibly popular because of her loving nature.

    Make no mistake, my mother never caught a break. She worked and worked and then she worked some more. She was always tired and often discouraged. When her long time employer sold out; he broke every promise that he had ever made to her. It was easy for him to do, because as the owner, he had absolute right to disappoint her. Instead of a retirement fund, he gave her a small bonus and sold her to the next bar owner. Yes, much like slavery, my mother never had a say in her own life. Karma never kicked in for her. She never received economic gain from her solid and thoughtful hard.work.of.fifty.years.

    She raised seven kids in a harsh rural environment. And yet, she was the mother who took everyone trick-or-treating. She was the mother who welcomed all of the disenfranchised into her home. She was the mother who gave to all and anyone. She was lovely, she was joyful, and she was tired.

    Where was her karma? Why didn’t she ever receive the good that she gave? It wasn’t for lack of love; she gave that unconditionally and generously to anyone who crossed her path.

    I say that about the sick, the hurt and those who have suffered great injustices.

    Where is their karma, why haven’t they received good for their good? It is not the fault or even the karma — of anyone who gets sick. Sickness travels the bodies of anyone and everyone, without regard to human judgment or rules. Sickness is a physical phenomena that will attack: rich, poor, ugly, beautiful, good, bad, child or adult. Sickness does not care who it attacks. Sickness lays waste to good lives, particularly here in America, where illness is expensive, very, very expensive.

    Hear this: there is no tit-for-tat of the universe.

    Justice is a human construct.

    Karma is not a reality that westerners can adopt to make sense of their own world.

    Why do so many people believe in Karma? It’s our culture currently: the wealthy use it to justify their riches and the bad use it to justify their crimes. Everyone in between is just trying to get by.

    What is real and what works? Love works, plain and simple, love works. Loving and giving are always rewarded. Yet, it is a reward of not rewarding. The rewards are deep and profoundly felt by those who love and are loved.

    Love works, and is a gift unto itself, has no reason.

    You may want to receive because of your love, but that is not real love. Love gives, and yet is not a reward. Real love simply is. Full Stop.

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  • Psychology of Life

    My Body Turmoil or Fashion at Age 60

    October 23, 2019

    Youth & Beauty
    Magazines Define Beauty

    Just get over it.  I’ve been agonizing this issue for a decade…and it’s crazy how fast time flies.

    I’m not even sure when it happened.  How did I go from being sexy to being matronly?  A body figure that is staying no matter what dieting and exercise I do.  My body shape just is.  I have a European body style inherited from my Irish/Italian mother: protruding stomach and no hips at all.

    10 Years ago?

    I fought the matronly type tooth and nail, but guess what?  It has nothing to do with dress, it’s all about the body shape.  The real problem is me: I just don’t want to accept that my body doesn’t fit the sexy script of popular America.

    Why and when did this happen?  My metabolism slowed down to a zero.  Even though I have changed my entire diet dramatically and completely, I weigh the same as I did when I was eating cake.  It appears that my metabolism is evolutions way of telling me that I am no longer useful as a life producing and energy producing entity.  Dang.

    It is my resistance that is the restriction on my happiness.  I spend hours shopping for the exact right garment and nothing fits.  It doesn’t fit because, in so many ways, I am still shopping for the old me.  No, I cannot wear spandex, no I cannot wear a pencil skirt, no I cannot wear short shirts or short shorts, not if I want to have self-respect.  I keep returning clothes, or even selling them on Thredup.  The older I get, the more of my old wardrobe is useless.

    Now, I am struggling with the wardrobe of retirement.  All of those sharp and stylish career looks are useless now.  What just happened?  First my body goes south on me (literally), then my lifestyle is upended by a dramatic change: from the workforce to my home + the grocery store.

    Aww, darn it, can I just add one more complaint?  It is hot here in Florida, and no winter for the past five years has required a coat – none.  We used to need coats, if only for a week, here and there, not anymore.  So, there goes another piece of my wardrobe mishaps and disasters.

    What do I buy on my limited budget, without increasing the matronly perception?  I don’t want to be defined by my look.  However, in order to be real to myself, I have to attend to my look.  I am aware of perceptions about me, particularly perceptions that are based on my look.

    I care about how I am perceived.  How I look feels important to me.  I have read lots of blogs about aging fashion.  I do not feel that they have assisted in any way.  One website suggested a uniform for my lifestyle.  Clothing manufacturers rarely assist older and larger women.  There are few style choices: look trashy in spandex or like a tent in polyester. Choices are limited and in order to create a great look, I had to go to different places, and break into new ways of thinking to come up with a plan.  Many style experts rely on scarves and sweaters to camouflage the older woman body type.  You just cannot do that in Florida, unless you really want to look like a fool.

    My old stand-by is LLBean. I have purchased from them for decades.  They are definitely stepping up their game in blue jeans.  However, I have difficulty with getting a variety of tunic length shirts that fit just right.  As with any clothing manufacturer, sometimes a large fits and sometimes I need an extra large.

    In part, I have had to change my beliefs around clothing.  I used to have a dress-up section in my closet, it was a section strictly for working at the office. Since I have long been concerned with comfort, much of what is there is appropriate for errands and social gatherings. But, I have to change my beliefs about that clothing; it used to be off limits for weekends, or anything casual.  I can dress this clothing down, just as I can dress it up. So now, the goal is to find more purpose and use out of clothing that previously had only one function. I also can redefine how I feel about clothing in general. I used to always be looking for sales on blouses and slacks and I always had a black skirt. Now, I don’t need that kind of pressure in my life, yet it’s hard to turn off after thirty years. Note to self: Don’t buy any more blouses, and, what do you need skirts for?

    In the meantime, I can wear that pretty blouse to a friend’s house, and slacks are comfy when it’s chilly outside.

    The biggest belief change comes around and with my body. I don’t want to look like a 16 year old model – I really don’t. I also willingly relinquish that sexy look, because it is so much pressure. If matronly is what it is, then I’m going to love what it is. The truth is that it is important to redefine beauty in this culture. Feminine beauty should not be a thing that magazines and men decide it to be. Female beauty must be a thing that women decide, based on reality and not another’s perception.

    If you come across me and you make an attempt to dismiss me because I am matronly, don’t be surprised when I come back at you as valuable and attractive.

    Being Beautiful

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  • Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life,  Wise Words

    What Do You Believe?

    October 12, 2019

    You live your life based on your beliefs and although you create your beliefs you may not know them.  It is for this reason that you end up making the same relationship mistakes over and over again.  It is for this reason that you must recognize your beliefs so that you can work with them, or get rid of them.

    • How do you recognize your beliefs? 
    • How do you know that you even have beliefs that you are not aware of? 
    • Do you keep on making the same old mistakes over and over again? 
    • Do you repeat relationship mistakes? 
    • Do you keep having the same relationship but with a different person?

    Beliefs are reflected in actions (failed relationships) and in thinking (“it’s hard to find love”).  It is in the thinking and in the actions that you can recognize your beliefs.  Another way to recognize your belief systems is to review your spending.  What are you spending money on?  If a good amount of money is being spent on your home, you have a belief that your home is a priority in your life.

    It is in the thinking that you can make real changes.  It is in the action that you can make things different.

    Do you feel that you are worthy?  Does your life reflect your worthiness?  Look around you, are you feeling valued and validated?  If you are not, it could be your thinking, or it could be your actions, but for sure it is your own beliefs.  You may have a job that pays well, yet you don’t feel valued there.

    You may not believe that you are valuable.  That belief has led you to thinking in a way that invalidates you.  When you receive a compliment you say “that was luck” or perhaps you say to yourself “that Bill is always trying to butter me up”.  So, you take a simple compliment that can validate you and you turn it into something negative so that you can prove your belief that you are not valuable.  Just like that, you have kept yourself down with your thoughts.

    Truly, if you do not want to hear something, you will not hear it.  It is as if you are deaf.  This is your subconscious refusing to change.  Words that you cannot “believe” will not be heard.  Again, this is you desperately hanging onto a belief that is no longer real, no longer true.  You may not even be aware that you are doing this.

    As a young person, did you suffer betrayal?  Did others abuse your trust?  Perhaps you formulated a belief that people cannot be trusted.  You will always seek ways to reinforce this belief until you recognize your belief and commit to experiencing your life in the new instead of in the past.  All beliefs are made of the past.  This does not mean that beliefs are bad, it simply means that your life is better if you recognize them and make peace with them. 

    Beliefs and thinking …. (I am worthless) Neutral event occurs(neighbor gets a promotion)….emotions occur (discouragement)….thinking that reinforces beliefs (I am worthless) and thinking closes the loop.

    JB Drawing

    New events get routed through the same old belief systems that were in place before the new event occurred.

    An example of this might be a young person who loses some money.  Because of their own beliefs about their own self worth, the internal dialogue might be “I’m worthless, I can’t hang onto anything, I’ll never have spending money.”  Instead, as a neutral event, the response might be “I’ll have to retrace my steps and find that money, I think I’ll call the restaurant where I ate.” 

    The first person started out with a negative belief about self and used the neutral event of losing money as a means of reinforcing the negative beliefs the person already had about him/herself.  The second person took a neutral event and went straight to taking action about it.

    JB Drawing

    In order to stay out of the same old treadmill, being open to what is actually occurring in the present moment is a must.  This requires a neutral position rather than a judgmental position.  This is a difficult task.  Putting the past in the past is a major accomplishment.

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  • Baby Boomers,  Economic Equality (A Goal),  Speaking as a Parent

    “Friends” and the Millennial

    September 27, 2019

    I’ve heard it and read it a million times.  This generation of kids doesn’t want to or isn’t growing up.  Millennials are hanging out and living in their parents basements way past the time of the previous generation.  Of course, there are economic reasons for this, yet there is also a hesitation by this generation, to get out there and do life.

    It crossed my mind, based on reruns, and particularly “Friends” reruns that maybe Millennials received a very strange message about growing up from TV.  These six gorgeous people grew up, got apartments close to each other, limited incomes made them roommates – and they proceeded to have a wonderful life.

    Friends kept this charade going for ten years.  They led millions of young people to believe that life was about having fun.  There was very little emphasis on the real world or any real problems.  This isn’t an indictment of the show, it simply is a comment on what we were all viewing for all of those years: white people, always happy, never used drugs, no children, job free, but wealthy, in fashion and always, always perfect friends.  In other words, no reality.  These six people never really got married, they barely had children, never did laundry, cleaned toilets, or had harsh illnesses.  Their lives were a dream of perfection where insurance was completely unnecessary.

    Public Domain

    So, if millennials have wrong ideas about life, who can blame them?  We parents perpetrated those beliefs by participating in the popularity of our televised culture.

    This is the point of view of those who would want to maintain life as it always has been.  Another point of view is that millennials are here to teach us something.  We (parents) moved forward lockstep the same as our parents did.  Perhaps our millennials are telling us that our culture should change.  Baby Boomers followed instructions too much.  We moved forward as expected instead of forward to our dreams and potentials.

    Millennials are also making a very important point.  We Baby Boomers languished in our capitalism for a little too long.  We have been passive believers in a culture that has gone way wrong.  We allowed our children to become victims of predatory capitalism and now they struggle just to get by.  They aren’t in a hurry to live their parents life.

    “Friends” really was nothing but a white culture’s entertainment.  It should not be any indication for reality and in no way should we allow our young people to believe it is anything other than a fun non-reality show. Life does not mirror the show in any way.

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