For many, many years, I have had to do everything at once. Efficiency was the most important talent because I could not afford to make a second trip, or pay for something twice, everything had to go smoothly the first time. Inefficiency and waste have never been an option in my world.
And now, I cannot let go, like a fighter suffering from PTSD, I cannot give up the good fight. I don’t want to waste a trip to Publix, I don’t want to drive one centimeter further or longer than I need to. I yearn for, work for and dream of efficient perfection and it’s killing me…
Besides the fact that I am certain that efficiency is not as important as I once thought, there is horrible preoccupation. I am learning how to live right here right now. Preoccupation is not congruent with living right here right now. I cannot be preoccupied with perfection and efficiency when I am living in the moment, the moment won’t allow it.
I have to let go of my relentless taskmaster and it is me.
