In the world, when we are mindful, we cannot help but be aware of what is wrong and more important, what we have done wrong. It can be as simple as buying the wrong dish towels for the kitchen. It can also be as important as hiring the wrong assistant, one who hates you and spends all day, every day, trying to destroy your career.
We make mistakes, we are, as the poets put it, only human. If you are mindful, this information about being human, can also keep you humble. It is not as if you are less than any other, it is not as if you should bow down to any other. It is only that we are, as human beings, all of life’s possibilities. No one person gets to have all of what is good, or fun or bright. We all must carry our burden, we all must make mistakes and we all will make very wrong decisions.
If we are single, bereft of family, our faulty decisions are of little matter to anyone but our own self. However, if we are influential, then our own decision may be of some import to others. The more influential, the higher the import, the more who will be affected by our decisions. Again, sometimes, these decisions can be very wrong.
If you are egomaniacal, you will not believe any truth which disparages your perfection. You will deny all which denies your perfection, often fabricating lies to prop up their own point of view.
Take “Papa John”, he loves capitalism and won’t hear a word about interdependence. He believes that his ownership entitles him to using other human beings as indentured servants. He lives in a 40,00 square foot home and pays his staff 7.25 per hour. He thinks that he is entitled to every single profit that his company makes. He has threatened to pass the costs of “Obamacare” onto his franchisees. It does not occur to “Papa John” that his wealth is dependent upon the sweat and hard work of others. All wealth ‘belongs’ to him. It does not occur to him that his well-being is a reflection of interdependence with the rest of the world. He has adopted the rule of capitalism and will defend it to his dying breath. Why? Because it allows him to take all, without the guilt of greed on his conscience. He believes in capitalism and will fight for the right to pay his staff poverty wages and to ensure that his staff cannot access health care. He has made this reality his right as an American in a capitalist culture.
He will never admit that he creates poverty. He will never admit that the family members of his staff die because they do not have access to health care. He will never admit that he has created undeserved wealth for himself using unethical laws in a country that does not care for the weak and poverty stricken.
The egomaniac knows only his own truth. It does not matter to the egomaniac that his truth is singular, it is his truth.
I don’t want to hear about what you have done wrong. I don’t want to hear about the mistakes you have made. They are only ammunition to justify some behavior, somewhere. Or, perhaps you use those “admissions of truth” to demonstrate that you are, indeed, a good person. Whatever the reason that you unload your negative self statements on me, I don’t care, just stop it. It’s a downer to hear how little patience you have with yourself. It’s a downer to hear about your self loathing and your self doubt.
I hope you are beautiful for as long as you want to be. And I hope that when you lose your beauty that you love yourself enough that you don’t care what happened to your beauty.
I remember vividly the two most prominent cases of envy that I have felt for another. My envy always starts with me and what I feel I don’t have. As a young woman (in my early twenties), I wanted very badly to go to college. My family of origin didn’t have the funds (nor the inclination). By the time I met Brigitte, I had children and could not even consider a college education.
