When I agree to be the partner of someone who is passive, there are hidden agreements that tag along with passive. Those hidden agreements include: You make the decision so I (the passive one) am not responsible for any of the decisions, nor am I responsible for the outcome of those decisions. There is nothing inherently wrong with passivity. There are just a lot of responsibilities for the partner of passivity.
When I agree to be the partner of someone who is dominant, then I must also agree to trust the decision making process of the partner. One of the features of a dominant personality is that the majority of decisions WILL be made by the dominant one. Does the dominant one get all of the responsibility and ultimately the BLAME?
Does dominant / passive have to match up? Do situations alter our willingness to be dominant or passive? Did my decision screw things up unalterably? Did your decision screw things up unalterably?
How do you balance all of that with partnership and negotiation? Or rather how do you HAVE partnership and negotiation and your need for passivity / dominance?
And finally, the big question: what pushes us over the edge into sickness? Sickness defined as interacting in a way that when observed objectively will bring a groan even to the hardiest souls. That kind of sickness…what takes us over the edge into it?
All that I am able to conclude is that we must watch every single little decision that we make in a relationship. That if indeed I am the dominant one, that I do not accept all of the responsibility and blame for everything and that if I am the passive one, that I do not pass all of my willingness over to another. Each activity and each decision deserves it’s own process and is not to be relegated to “okay you decide”, or “no I am the boss”.
The other thing, and the concept I have believed for decades: is that relationships are this complicated spiderweb of possibilities for travel and yet are spun from the same old pattern.
