They wanted you to have chemo when you were pregnant with Dom.  You refused, you thought they exaggerated the need for chemo.  You also decided that it was too much of a risk for Dom.

You thought you got away with it.  And now you are dead and gone, cancer got you and that’s the end of it.

Dom is beautiful (as is Vienne) and vibrantly alive.  How will they ever know you?  Will their father tell them what you did to keep them healthy and chemo free?

You spent your life getting to this place called motherhood and enjoyed it for so little time.

All of those conversations, all of those years ago, I always knew you were headed there.  Motherhood just seemed to fit you.  Now that I think about it, we did so much together, so many conversations and so much understanding passed between us.  You saw plenty of the bad in me and you hung in there for the good.  It really was a pleasure to be us, our friendship, our understanding, ourselves.

Thank you for not letting me smoke, that day I was craving a cigarette in front of the TC.  I’ve never smoked since.  Thank you for hanging out with Eileen and I and making us feel like we weren’t over the hill, still young enough to be interesting to a woman younger than us.  Thank you for letting us do for you, Eileen and I both felt maternal towards you, always.  It was a reward for Eileen and I to be able to give to you.  Remember that day at the mall?  The three of us trying everything on and trying to figure out what worked? 

Remember when I was at your clinic in Miami and Kleinman’s nephew called me a MILF, you just about jumped down his throat?  He never called me anything like that again.  You were seriously a damn good clinician.  The staff was our very first project, but boy, oh boy, the patients benefited greatly from your work.

You knew things from people that I couldn’t figure out and I was grateful when you shared them.  Sometimes it was painful, “did so-and-so really do that?”  So honesty was important, but it was a GIVEN.  I always believed you, never needed to question anything you said.  I know you didn’t tell me all of it.  I know you didn’t, but I didn’t expect you to.  You knew I couldn’t take all of it.

Amazing woman, I will miss you.  I already miss you, I’ve been missing you.  Goodbye Stephanie, the universe is so much better for having you.  Au revoir



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