4 min read
My husband and I got into a roaring argument about Society’s dismissal of older women. Older women’s experience is of no consequence, and older women are barely tolerated in society.
Guess who the old lady is? It is I. He exhorts me not to respond to the bland dismissal that everyone has for old women. It is bizarre to me that such a valuable commodity (old women) would be dismissed so heartily. It is as if we have been relegated to the old clothes pile, never to be considered again.
Yesterday I was at the Emergency Room because of a UTI and intense pain in my back. I have an extensive medical history that I have kept track of assiduously. I have had back surgery and now have a spinal cord stimulator. It takes a bit of effort to keep my pain manageable. So here is quandary #2: disability. People really do not know what to do with disability and illness. (Beside the point for this paper, apologies.)
The P.A. assigned to me asked me about how I was feeling and made a comment that my back treatment history was extensive. I asked him how he knew that. He smiled coyly as if he was a magician revealing a trick, and even commented that he was magic. I was asking because I wanted to know which set of medical records he was viewing so that we could be on the same page. I asked him again, he smiled again, next to me I could feel my husband stiffening up. He could tell that I was losing my patience with Mr. Magician who knew nothing about medical records. The records he was viewing were over two years old — old information that was irrelevant to our life now. Most facilities have contracts for medical records, but they do not share with other facilities that are out of their own network. Because of this you may have several sets of medical records, interspersed with your providers. Medical Records are not integrated.
I did not want to confront the P.A. and with my husband stiffening up, I gave in. I let him be magical. (Whatever.)
At 12:30, I told him that we had to leave and asked if he would finish recordkeeping so that we could pick up prescriptions. Again, at 1:00 he is the coquette, look at all I have done for you, I faxed your prescriptions to…
I looked at my husband. I looked at the P.A., “can you change this for me please? We have moved and this information is ancient.” The P.A. replied, “but this is what you told me.” He realized his error and back tracked. I hadn’t told him anything, remember the magician, he knows it all? He made us wait another 15 minutes, which was completely unnecessary. He even walked into the waiting room with my paperwork and turned around to help someone else. He was obviously resentful about the correction. Why?
In the meantime, they sent my records to a primary care doctor that I no longer have. They had not updated anything, even though I asked.
On my end, getting the prescriptions straightened out was difficult. He had not cancelled the original prescription and so when the correct pharmacy went to fill the prescription there was a duplicate that had to be removed. — All of that because old ladies are to be dismissed, devalued and ignored.
Later that evening we were having a family gathering. I was having trouble with my words, most definitely. My granddaughter was describing how she met her boyfriend and she said “he DMed me”. To which I responded, “what software were you using when he did that?” My granddaughter said Instagram. Then my daughter-in-law laughed at me and said, “well she wasn’t using Quickbooks”. I’m guessing that the point was that an ap-plication is not software. Again, I am feeling like huh? Software includes applications. How do applications work? Well, they are software.
Why is it so important for us to one-up each other? It is a continual game that I see people playing constantly. When are we to the point of letting it go? I don’t think safety and security reduces it; indeed, I’ve seen safety and security increase the need for one-upmanship to the point of creating exclusive enclaves that no one is welcome to unless they meet this criterion.
Why is this old lady’s question ignored? Why is this old lady’s statement about software laughed at? What have I done to make these others treat me this way? I have grown old.
