• Personal Growth,  Philosophy,  Psychology of Life,  Womens Issues

    Being Ignored

    Being ignored is being dismissed and it’s meanness personified.

    Loneliness
    The expression of pain. Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash

    Have you been in situations where you are consistently ignored? You can be sure that those who are ignoring you have dismissed you. You have no importance to those who ignore you. They can’t be bothered with what you need. They actually cannot be bothered with you at all.

    Make no mistake, those who ignore, also dismiss. Dismissing makes you less than human in the eyes of those who ignore you. This also makes it easier to ignore you. If you have no value, you can be pushed aside.

    How is this interaction created? At what point do we allow ourselves to dismiss other humans?

    1. Many people actually do believe that they are superior to other humans and so we don’t have to explain for those. We know why the “superiors” ignore human beings. They are often people who don’t recognize their own bad behavior.
    2. For those who love and support others, why would they ignore other humans? Talking with others, I am told that often, people don’t have time for everything that they need to get done. Thus, they run through their days only focused on what they must. No one gets a pass for this busy person. They can only focus on the things on the list.
    3. Others; simply do not have the energy to give another. You will find them ignoring others as a matter of survival.
    How do I tell you?
    How do I explain my pain? Photo by Jose Pablo Garcia on Unsplash

    Responding is important.

    It’s the first group that deserve disdain. Ironically, this is exactly their treatment of others and should be our treatment of all those who believe they are “better” than others. “Superiors” only concern themselves with self. They could care less what feelings they are causing the ignored person. They usually have no reason to believe they are superior – and believe it anyway.

    Our minds love to be righteous, when we have a belief about superiority, we will find ways to confirm our belief. I’ve heard the arguments: “She’s ugly, he is clumsy, look how stupid they are!” On and on the arguments roll and they include no self reflection. They are simply expressions of the baser parts of the human brain.

    If you are being ignored and dismissed, you can make some choices. You may know the person who is ignoring you, if you do, you may know if 1, 2 or 3 is the source of the ignoring. It helps to know, and it does make a difference to how you respond.

    To respond to #1 which is the most insidious of moods of Americans, is to be aware that you are with an extremely rude person. Treat them so. You don’t have to do anything, in fact, perhaps you can ignore them back.

    To respond to #2, you can be respectful with your interruption. This person is struggling.

    To respond to #3, don’t.

    It really is awful to be ignored. Dismissing is a way of telling some one “you don’t matter to me”. Don’t be this person.

  • Love and Relationships,  Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life,  Wise Words

    Freedom for Life

    Valuing your life and what you do is the way to steer a course of success.

    All my life I’ve needed a rudder to go with my oars, and that rudder has always come in the form of words. Those words never had to be mine. I didn’t mind copying the great philosophers and writers. Each year I set words of commitment and direction to my life, these words helped me make all subsequent decisions so that I stayed on track.

    When 19 years old, I wrote this…

    A young woman dressed in a red suit looks towards the camera.
    JB Collection

    A LONG CONTRACT (for me)

    Hobbes maintains that survival is basic in nature and therefore ought to be paramount in man’s value system as well.

    To Patrick Henry’s question, is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Hobbes would have answered “absolutely!” How precious is life itself to you? Are there certain advantages and qualities of life without which it would not be worth living to you?

    How precious life and living is for me. In my absence what sweet revenge for then do people know my support. But what then of my support if all I want is appreciation? Love so paramount in my life support system. Love and all of its intricacies being the fine line of my sanity.

    And yet I know deep inside of my soul that happiness is synonymous with life and that it can be found anywhere. Comradery the loving and the living of friends. Enjoyment and freshness of one sweet hello, one new soul to learn about all the while knowing that the lessons are of myself. The reflections of my own tears, sadness, happiness and joy. And those who stay and stand by and for me through the years like the growing process of the redwood. The more and more I know the strong the broader, the taller I glow. Delving deep into my soul for new things to share with an old friend. The bond being cleaner and more beautiful.

    My sons the reflection of years spent in service to my being. The vehicle for purity and time spent; love that went. And so now I see in my years the longing for the total acceptance that thus far only my sons have given, possibly all that I allow. Because I know that the real total acceptance is only within and is not coming from anyone else. So to life — the sweetest gift and all the beginnings are from there. All else that I create within my life, I must own. Even should it be chains and slavery.

    I changed no words; this is an accurate historical accounting of what was written. Circa 1976

  • Economic Equality (A Goal),  Management,  Politics,  Psychology of Life,  World Affairs

    The Congress CAN Help Americans; It Won’t

    The Republicans are once again crying “budget” as they are called upon to help the American people with Covid relief. They have blamed all of their inaction on the Democrats and Nancy Pelosi. Tax dollars and the budget are apparently meaningless words for this Congress.

    I have to say that I am actually livid – not mad – livid. The Republicans know that the Feds are dumping money into the stock market. They are fully aware that our military budget is beyond any military budget in the world. The congress is aware of where all of our tax dollars are going. The congress is simply not going to help the American people by allowing them to have their own money to get them through the tough times of this pandemic.

    Photo by Unseen Histories on Unsplash

    Did you know – and lots of people don’t know this: Jerome Powell, Federal Reserve chairman has been pumping money into the stock market in order to “stabilize” it? Take a guess at how much he has dumped into the stock market? Initially the budget was 1.5 trillion dollars. Reuters reported a 3 trillion dollar investment as of July 13, 2020. Lest you not see what trillions mean, it’s 1,000 billions.

    This is a direct transfer of taxpayer money to the wealthy owners of the stock market.

    This is not “fine and dandy” because the Feds borrowed the money to make these investments: According to Ben Winck quoting Carmen Reinhart writing for Markets Insider 10-16-20:

    • Major economies may be well on their way to recovery, but outsized government borrowing runs the risk of fueling a financial crisis, the World Bank’s chief economist, Carmen Reinhart, said Thursday on Bloomberg TV.
    • Ben Winck goes on to say:
    • The path of governments’ fundraising and bond-buying is not sustainable and could spark debt crises should they continue, the economist said.
    • “This did not start as a financial crisis, but it is morphing into a major economic crisis with very serious financial consequences,” she said.

    The results are staggering and Americans are suffering.

    While Wall Street bailouts are an endless expense, help for human beings is not available. Nowhere is the Republican-way more clear than here: According to the New York Times, 8 million more people have slipped into poverty since May. Add that to those already in poverty, add that to the number of unemployed and we are seeing a disaster of epic proportions. It’s an unseen and unknowable disaster. Those in poverty, rarely speak out and rarely protest. However, there are consequences for all of us.

    Is it really necessary to maintain a military budget that *by itself* is more than all other militarized countries combined?

    The military industrial complex continues to fuel its own life while dousing the light of others. Why can’t our budget include humanistic endeavors like eradicating poverty and homelessness? How about healthcare for all?

    JB Collection

    America, what is your future? Will America return to feudalism? Will America always be known as having the biggest and most guns? Is that the America you would choose?

  • Economic Equality (A Goal),  Politics,  World Affairs

    Donations Don’t Help Poverty in America; they just Assuage your Guilt: Stop it With Your Donations and Do the Right Thing!

    I’ve never been an advocate for charities, because I see so few of them doing the right thing. Add that to the fact that charities are nothing more than a third party between you and the person who needs your donation.

    That’s a fact, but beside the point. The point of this essay is that so many are coming forward with large and even mega donations for the Black Lives Matter movement. I think giving away money is just a way to assuage the guilt of not being a good human. Not being a good human, is this idea that “I have mine and you get yours, and if you don’t get yours, too bad”.

    We Americans have been living like rugged individuals for hundreds of years. As Americans, we have not done the hard work that is involved in gaining equality for all. We have fallen far short of our forefathers goal: equality.

    We have taken advantage of our myth of rugged individualism and have allowed all “others” to fall to the wayside. And let’s admit, we are at the wayside. The middle class is so small now as to be irrelevant.

    What is the hard work of gaining equity for everyone and not just some? Well, let’s begin with economics. How have the large corporations and the legislature of this country been able to keep the minimum wage so low? It’s clear to everyone that the minimum wage is not a living wage.

    All of the large corporations take advantage of the minimum wage laws. They may not pay the minimum, minimum, but they are paying so little that those who do these jobs cannot subsist. Take a look at McDonald’s, look at Walmart and look at Amazon. These are among the biggest employers in the United States. Not only are they taking advantage of the small wages, but the employee benefits are minimal as well.

    The big employers play a game called “seasonal worker” or “temporary worker”. You can be a “seasonal worker” or a “temporary worker” for YEARS. Because you are a seasonal worker you can work forty hours and NOT be a full time employee. This allows the large employers to cheat you out of any benefits that you would be entitled to as a full time worker.

    Papa John’s Pizza (the owner is a renowned racist) owns and lives in a 40,000 square feet house. He pays his staff $8.00 an hour with no benefits. This is an awful statement about our country. We have designed a country wherein it is okay to live on the backs of others, without compensating them.

    Public Domain- John Schnatter’s Home

    Why haven’t we forced our legislature to increase the minimum wage to a livable wage? Why haven’t we done the work to make companies pay a living wage?

    Why are Managed Care CEOs making millions and millions in bonuses when 80 million people cannot get health care? Regular people are fighting to keep health insurance companies in the mix. Why? Insurance companies have no goal except passing profits to shareholders. It’s an incongruent goal and doesn’t match with healthcare.

    If eighty percent of the country is living paycheck to paycheck that is 264,000,000 people. How can this country be so ineffective? Where did we go wrong? We created a capitalist society whereby all the money goes to a very few, while millions suffer without support: no living wage, no health care and no access to education.

    How is it even possible to be in a democratic society, when so few are being represented by our legislature? Our legislature seems to represent those who have money to donate to campaigns and no one else. This is a limited group of people.

    This is what I mean by the work of this country. We live here, we owe it to ourselves and to our children to make this country a place of prosperity. We cannot afford to allow this country to be run by those few who have the money to pay for legislator’s campaigns. Because those with the money are not looking out for anyone else. That is why after three decades, the minimum wage has not changed very much.

    We want to go back to running the country for the people. We’ll need to overhaul everything because it’s been too long. Virtually anything that benefits human beings has been done away with: living wage, education, health care and even banking.

    America is not a country that has done well for its people. Charity and donations won’t help, we’ve gone too far in the wrong direction.

  • Love and Relationships,  Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life,  Womens Issues

    Friendship! A Scary Idea

    Hannah Wei at Unsplash

    I was walking through a grand reopening at Aldi’s. The store was completely packed, the grocery baskets were bumper to bumper. A couple of times, strangers reached out to talk with me about little things like the aisle width or the temperature of the store. Each time it happened, I panicked. I could feel my stomach dropping and my fear escalating to the top of my scalp. The panic was for no reason, no reason at all. Friendly people were just making comments in Aldi. Something that happens in grocery stores every day all across America.

    Ironically, back at home (before the Aldi trip) I had just joined a chat room to assuage my loneliness. It didn’t occur to me until later in the day how unreasonable my thinking is.

    I am completely reluctant, and even scared, to start a conversation with a stranger. Even if that stranger is a little old lady in a grocery store, asking for help. Online, I am fearless in my quest to find new friends. What gives? And why the difference, panic versus fearlessness?

    Part of what is at issue with really reaching out to humans instead of computer screens is that humans are messy. They need you at the most inconvenient of times. They always call when you are busy and sometimes humans disagree with you.

    You can work through issues, but still not be level in real life. And this is one of those instances.

    “Trauma compromises our ability to engage with others by replacing patterns of connection with patterns of protection” – Stephen Porges

    Why make the effort to have real human relationships when, in the past, you’ve been hurt so much? Real relationships require effort, compromise and even sacrifice. There is an investment and there are times when that investment is a mistake; or it sets you up for pain.

    With quasi-relationships that are only real on my computer screen, I don’t have to make those sacrifices. I pick up my computer – when I feel like it. I respond to emails – when I feel like it. I provide comfort and support with words when I have the energy to do so, not when someone needs me to provide that support. That’s because I can put my computer away.

    Obviously, you cannot put your friend away anymore than you can put yourself away. Humans don’t operate like that. We feel when we feel, we need when we need. Real friendship develops after you have waded through the anxiety and pain of the first few meetings. It is unwieldy and inconvenient.

    Humans are messy, demanding, blubbering and even bloody. When you love them, you might end up spending time in their world and that world may not be as pleasant as your own. *Gasp*, other humans can disagree with you and even disapprove of; or be disappointed by a decision that you have made. That, my friends, can be challenging.

    And again, there is that feeling of panic that accompanied the mild overture that the little old lady in Aldi made towards me. Will I be hurt again, will she try to put me down because she is unhappy, will she treat me like Betty, Sheila or Jack? Ultimately hurting my feelings and treating me badly?

    I have to weigh it all out, but in the end, I know that the only friendship worth having is a real friendship with a real human. One that can cause inconvenience, because she calls too late at night, one that can be annoying because she doesn’t approve of my OCD habits. I’ll choose a friend that can ask me for a favor at inconvenient times. The reason I do this is simple. My computer – no matter how much reading and chatting I do – doesn’t keep me company. The computer won’t hold my hand when I am sick, hug me when I am sad or sit with me when I need a companion. A computer can’t do those things for me. So, yes, I will. I will sacrifice the convenience of my life to have my companions. I will drive 100 miles, buy gifts when I have no money, listen when I have no time. For love. And I will keep on trying. Because, that hug is worth it.

    Listening to a Friend JB August 2019
  • Philosophy,  Psychology of Life,  Speaking as a Parent

    Writing is its Own Force

    Sometimes, when I am writing, I do not like the story that I have written. I try to ignore it. I want the story to go away. It is not part of me, and yet it is.

    I wrote this story out of my experience, both personally and with other parents.

    Because I did not want this story, I got stuck. I could not write and I did not write for a long time. So there is the proof: “what you resist, persists”. I think Carl Jung said that. Here is what I say. Addiction hurts, over and over and over again and always.

    from Casey Dooley

    And even through all of that, this is always Hope, Always & Always.

    by Kurt Meske
  • Love and Relationships,  Psychology of Life,  Speaking as a Parent

    Samantha, my Granddaughter’s Mother

    November 2014, on your way to Norfolk

    Samantha;

    You died in the middle of a conversation.  The conversation was on pause, but nonetheless, we were communicating and now we will never communicate with each other again.

    I thought we had time, we always had more time.  It’s so shocking and painful.  What happened?  Did you give up?  Were you upset with me?  You didn’t tell me that you had to go to Hospice.  I would have come.  I would have shown you my love.

    I know that, ultimately, grief will swarm me. 

    No matter who you talk to or how much you talk, you will end up having that moment alone.  That moment is you, alone with your grief.  You will remember, the moments, the emotions, the sights, the sounds and the taste of your relationship.  You will feel it while you stand alone, thinking about the meaning of death.  Sooner or later you must face your grief with only yourself.  Sooner or later you are alone with your grief.

    You may feel the meaningless or you may feel the meaning.  One thing is sure, you are the one who will decide the meaning of your relationship.   Now that your loved one is gone, you will feel the absence, you will feel the loneliness, you can know the truth of your loss. 

    I can’t believe you are gone.  You lost your way and you could not find your way back.  I am so sorry that you didn’t feel how loved you are.  I am so sorry that you did not feel the support of that love.  I am so sorry that we didn’t leave a light shining for your path back to us.  The darkness must have been crushing.  Maybe you thought you would be better soon.  Maybe you thought you could manage for awhile longer.  I don’t know, but I hope it wasn’t too dark for you. 1 August 2019

    Poppy’s lap is the best

    Dear Sophia, my beloved granddaughter;

    Nothing will replace your mother’s love.  Never doubt that she loved you.  She loved you fiercely and gently: both.  She kept you close for as long as she was able.  Your parents always kept your love close.  Everyone of your extended family, thought about you, loved you and worked for your benefit.  If anyone screwed up, it was out of ignorance, not from malice.  We all wanted you safe and loved.  We all wanted you to be happy.  And, your father wanted you most of all. 2 August 2019

    Christmas 2017
    January 2018
  • Economic Equality (A Goal)

    “This is Us” and How Donald Trump Helped America

    Migrant Mother, photograph by Dorothea Lange

    We left them behind, the poor and disenfranchised.  They were angry and hurt.  Their lives included plenty of suffering.  They could not make ends meet.  If they could hang onto a job, either because they could handle the bad treatment or because the supervisor was decent, they couldn’t get a raise.  They are Americans, tens of thousands of them.  They work at Walmart, Amazon and Sears and every other department store.  They work for McDonald’s, Papa John’s Pizza and Kentucky Fried Chicken and all the other fast food places in America.  They work for $7.50 an hour and felt lucky when they launched up to $10.00 per hour.

    You don’t have to tell them not to buy a Star Bucks coffee daily, they wouldn’t dream of it.  They already know better.  They are responsible for the used ‘everything’ market.  They won’t buy a new washing machine or dryer, not when they can go to Fred’s repair shop and pick up a used one for a couple of hundred dollars.  You won’t find them at the Clinique counter at Macy’s or Dillard’s, they know better.

    They don’t go to the hair dresser or the barber, instead they cut each other’s hair.  They can’t afford the fanciness of the “stylist”.

    Because they are the poor, their children join the military.  It is the only way to get a life if you have no money for college.  Because they join the military, it is the poor who are maimed, dismembered or killed in combat.  They are the few that pay the price for rich men’s conflicts.

    Maybe you don’t see them, maybe you don’t know them.  They are the working poor and there are millions of them in America.

    Our society has never treated them right.  They have always struggled for health care and in fact are the ones who die from lack of health care.  America’s dirty little secret is that the most dangerous risk factor associated with death from breast cancer is poverty, not genetics, not DNA, poverty.  This fact has been true since the early nineties.  It doesn’t matter how healthy you are when you receive the diagnosis, without treatment, you die from this fatal disease.

    On top of the general hell that poverty is, add on that the poverty stricken are the whipping post for all of society’s problems.  The poor are treated badly by everyone.  Our culture has built a myth around the idea that if you work hard you will be rewarded and rewarded well.  Of course, this is a horrible American lie.  Working hard will get you hard work only.  You may or may not be rewarded.  The other side of this myth is that if you are not successful, there must be something wrong with you.  America is wonderful, so YOU are wrong if you are not successful.  Never mind the minimum wage, or even the fact that all around you are people who will take from you.  YOU are the problem because you are poor.

    Homeless in America

    We aren’t all rocket scientists.  We cannot all go to college.  Just because someone works at Papa John’s Pizza, must that person live a life of poverty?  Doesn’t the full time, hard work and contribution of their lives mean a decent life?  Why are those at the bottom of the economic ladder ridiculed, shamed and blamed because of their poverty?

    Why has this country decided to allow congress to artificially deflate the minimum wage?  Congressmen and Senators are paid by big businesses. Congress keeps their promises to big business and refuses to increase the minimum wage.  No one is more hurt by these actions than those millions of people who work for those same big businesses.  Congress should be working for Americans, but instead works for big business and the dollar bill.

    The poor have felt powerless for generations.  Donald Trump came along and pretended to give them power.  He gave them attention and told them that he would do for them.  He is a liar, but they don’t care, because finally, they have some perceived power.

    We can’t blame Donald Trump for his following.  We – the wealthy and middle class America – gave him his following.  We have ignored the poor and poverty stricken for decades.  Worse yet, as managers and supervisors, we are mean grandstanders who put people down.  We are not nice to servers and maids and bellmen.  We make sure they know they are a step down.

    We really needed attention on these central and critical issues.  America cannot continue to ignore poverty stricken Americans.  America should not be ignoring poverty stricken people who are dying from illnesses that can be cured with care.  We must begin taking accountability for what we have acculturated in America. 

    We cannot continue to work at having a class of people to step on and to be “better than”.  We must get real about our commitment to equality.  We must begin to give everyone a place at the table.  We must make sure that all have food and health care.

    Before Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders was a voice in the wilderness.  Now, he is the most coherent candidate of all.  Income inequality has increased unabated since the Reagan era.  It took Donald Trump to show us how nasty and divisive it is for the American people.

  • Love and Relationships,  Philosophy,  Speaking as a Parent

    Child of Mine, I Have Words for You

    Words, words, words.

    I have so many words for you, child of mine

    I have words for your child too

    I want to let you know what I know of the world

    I want to give you comfort when you are reaching for the cure

    I want you to know what my version of the truth is

    I have words for you and I yearn to speak with you

    ______________________________________________________________________________

    You murder me with your disinterest

    You stab my heart with the shuttering of your eyes

    There was a time when you vehemently wished for the sound of my voice

    That time has passed and where did you go?

    You are present, but judgmental, you have no use for history

    Even when it is your own

    ______________________________________________________________________________

    I’ve learned so much \ and wish to give it on

    Wisdom hard won, needs no more from me

    Can you use the wisdom, the knowledge, the experience

    Have you dismissed the use of any that came before you?

    I care nothing for information that any schoolchild can gain

    I want to tell you life’s great mysteries and the price of love

    ______________________________________________________________________________

    You murder me with your disinterest

    You stab my heart with the shuttering of your eyes

    You have traveled close by for the entirety of your life

    Your body stays, your mind doesn’t engage

               At least not with me

    Child of mine, I have words for you

    Pillars of Creation
  • Economic Equality (A Goal),  Love and Relationships,  Management,  Psychology of Life

    How to be Useful to the Revolution

    We already know that it is propaganda that has convinced the American public that those who work in fast food and in grocery stores deserve poverty.  We know that the ultra rich have worked very hard to protect property. They do this by ensuring that the vast majority of Americans believe that people deserve minimum wage, because they don’t work hard enough, or haven’t gone to school or aren’t good enough to make enough money for a life.  These are false beliefs. People deserve to have a life. Working people deserve a living wage. We know this.

    We also realize that we Americans are all products of an effective and expensive marketing system that works hard to convince us to attend to our own needs and not bother with the needs of others.  Other countries are poor because they are dumb, or animalistic or ignorant and undeserving.  We have been sold a humongous pack of lies about how to live successfully.  We are the most selfish country on planet Earth.  We use the most resources and do the most damage world wide.

    Please don’t stop reading and don’t start wallowing in guilty.  Let’s take action, real action, effective action.

    How do we help our revolution?  How do we change America?  How do we give truth to power?

    In every work position that we hold, think of people first.  If you are a supervisor, hire at the maximum starting pay.  Give raises, give them lavishly.  $15.00 an hour is but $31,200.00 a year.  Make sure that every human being that works for you earns at least $15.00 an hour.  If someone makes $18.00 an hour, give them 20.00 an hour to increase their abilities in life.

    If you work for a government entity and you can help people by approving applications for food stamps, for college financial aid or any other such agency functions, do it.  Over-approve your budget and then demand more!  Many government positions I have held, I worked with people who were parsimonious, and who treated government funding as if it was their own bank account.  No, this is tax money, taken from the people to be used for the people.  Give it away!  All of it.  Each and every time, you get a chance to approve an application, think of this baby, who will be hungry if you say no.

    This baby deserves your positive vote.

    If you are woke, help others to be woke.  If you don’t have a job that can help others, surely you can speak truth to power.  Demand answers that take into consideration the human factor.  Ask Victoria’s Secret why they use child labor in their cotton fields.  If you don’t receive an answer, then stop buying Victoria’s Secret.  Then spread the word, always, spread the word.  Let us let everyone know who and which companies are taking advantage of human beings.

    The wealthy can only take advantage of us with our permission.  Stop giving legislators and capitalist permission to rape your bank account.  Speak the truth.   We know that the only tax breaks promulgated this year (2019) were for large corporations and wealthy families.  Do everything in your power to vote against those people who made these unfair taxes a reality of our American life.  Do everything in your power to let people know who robbed us of a fair tax economy.  Tell everyone!  You can change this awful reality, just by speaking, talking and helping others.

    Lastly, spread kindness.  Every single time that you want to be angry and punch someone, STOP, reach deep inside of your heart and pull out kindness.  You are in traffic because you have somewhere to go.  Leave others to their ugly behavior.  Be the one, who gives care and thoughtfulness into the universe.