• Economic Equality (A Goal),  Personal Growth

    Judging Success

    April 18, 2015

    What is success, but that that we individually define as success?  At each point in life, we may measure this differently.

    And as life situations and events change, so too does our ability to define ourselves as successful.  There are times when we are loving & kind, and times when we are hateful and mean.  There are times when we are financially wealthy and times when we are bankrupt.  There are times when we are deeply upset by our child’s actions and other times when we are so proud of our child that we feel we can burst.  There are times when we are driven to violence and other times when we can imagine nothing but peacefulness and calm.

    There are times when we feel profoundly loved by another and times when we feel profoundly disconnected and alone.  There will be a time in life when no professional endeavor brings success and there will be a time when everything we do professionally is positive and right.

    For those folks who want to criticize others, for those folks who are judgmental and hateful, for those who would want to tout their success as a sign of superiority, they are quite mistaken in their thought process.  Success is how each of us measures it, not how each of us judges it in others.  Success is a function of time.  No one can always be successful.  We must all fail.  When we fail, are we a failure?  Of course we are not.  We are not who we are because of an event or because of a moment in time.  We are who we are because of what is pervasive in us.  What motivates us?  What actions do we take?  What have we created?  These are questions that define us.

    Wealth and success are not signs of superiority, though in America, we might think that they are.  Wealth and success are simply a sign of the time…

    Read More
  • Baby Boomers,  Speaking as a Parent

    The Doneness of Youth

    April 16, 2015

    I am having difficulty recognizing the “doneness” of my youth.  Fortunately, I am not resentful about it, yet there are some things that startle me from time to time.

    I am not going back to school to have a different profession “someday”.  I will never be the sole support of an infant’s nutrition again.  I will not sweat through my kids’ driving test ever again.  I will never be a stage performer or a singer.  Not because my life is over – not even close, but because I recognize my limitations and I am real about them.  I see that I will not start a business and become startling wealthy from my clever investments and management strategies.  I am not closing the door on becoming wealthy though, I also know I can’t hold my breath.

    There is no distant and rosy future.  The future is now.  I realize that nothing important can be put off until tomorrow because tomorrow is limited, it has constraints.

    My body does not wish to cooperate with me so much.  I am slow at healing and I have the thyroid disease.  The disease affects me in many, many ways.  I cannot shrug off the side effects of my medication because they will and they do affect me.  I took a very low dose sleeping pill until I realized that I could not remember anything, whoops… side effects do pertain to me!  Loss of memory is the side effect of taking this medication.  My body, as it is now, is not as resilient as it used to be.

    I’m not done learning, but I don’t need direction and correction.  It’s not that I am not open, in fact, I am very open.  I am also very weary of assumptions.  Often those who are sure, have never asked a question, nor done any worthy research.  So my experience sometimes leads me to impatience.  Don’t come at me if you don’t know what you are talking about…

    A good thing… I’ve lost the need to be unselfish or to martyr myself on behalf of others.  Realizing that I have no tomorrow helps me to understand that if I want diamond earrings, I need to buy them now.  If I want to indulge in flowers, I need to do it now, not later when my house is perfect, or later when I have “extra” cash.  If I want flowers, I need to buy them now.

    I always enjoyed being focused and building things.  I built a life with my kids, near them and dear to them.  I had to let them go, it is the destiny of all parents to relinquish children to their own futures.  All of my building *a family* has gone into the ether, no longer useful to today.  I am not regretful about losing my importance to my kids.  The less important I am, the better off they are.

    What I realize with my age is that, I had no other plan.  It is as if my entire life hinged on raising the kids and having a career.  Now that process is either complete or winding down – I had no other ideas about what to do next.  Now that I am no longer self-sacrificing I do not wish to spend the rest of my life blindly stepping forward to music that someone else is playing.  I want my own orchestra and symphony.

     

    Read More
  • Speaking as a Parent

    Has it Been Five Years Already?

    April 4, 2015

    I believed in happiness and it came true.  However, nothing stayed the same, the world changed so much, it’s been frightening.

    Nothing has changed my love for my dear ones.  At least that part remains the same.  It turns out that when you free yourself, you free others.  As I let go of my children, they became parents, and responsible and caring people who do right things.

    There were some losses, as there always are.  Losing a child to drug addiction is like being in this nether world of unreality.  You know your child is alive, yet after all of the lying, cheating and stealing, you cannot participate. It leaves you wondering what the point of all the parental self sacrifice is.  You know your children will only remember what was wrong with their lives.  They will not remember the good the fun and the easy.

    Millenia and more ago we were hard- wired to remember the negative.  It was a matter of survival to know the bad things.  What is good does not threaten your survival – so why remember it?

    Ah, back to the point.  I love my dear ones, all of them, all of you.  Nothing changes that, not miles and not time.  So to each Easter, the same.  I love you.

    Read More
  • Management

    My Endless Fascination with Human Behavior

    March 17, 2015

    In my management experience, I have come across a few different personality types that are quite consistent.  I have developed ways and means of dealing with several types of subordinate staff members.

    The loudly defensive and hot potato throwing personality style is one such style that I have developed methods for effective management.  Arguing doesn’t seem to be the thing for gaining productivity from this behavior style.  Instead, it is important to stay factual and calm.  I must be very organized and completely capable of following up on the minutest of details.  This is the only way to deal with this person.  The “hot potato throwing” personality style is one who shirks responsibility by throwing it into someone else’s lap.   For this behavior I must be very focused and completely capable of resetting our conversations to meet my goals rather than the other person’s goals.  If I am the boss, it is up to me to keep the conversation where it needs to be.  For myself, I have to recall that the goal of work is to create a work product, whatever that may be.  My end point can never be to listen to complaining and shirking.

    In any case my loud and defensive hot potato thrower (I’ll just call them LAD) is normally someone who puts a lot of effort into defensiveness and no effort into the work product.  So, normally this behavior style is not difficult to fire because if you track their work (and not their mouthiness) you will see that they are not getting their work done.  In fact, I associate LAD with laziness and sloppiness, or at least nonperformance and ineffectiveness.  Because of this, when I come across this LAD style, I immediately begin tracking their work product.

    What is amazing to me is that on my new staff, I have a LAD who is NOT an ineffective non-performer.   She works hard and is very effective.  She is the researcher who can be relied upon to get to the bottom of the problem and really find out the issues.  She likes her work and likes to work hard.  But if you ask her a question about her work or her work product she is LOUD AND DEFENSIVE.  She tells long stories about how difficult the work is and how unfair a situation is.  You think she is misleading you away from the conversation and maybe she is.  But, it’s not because she didn’t get the work done.  She did.  She is just LAD.  Interesting, huh.

    Read More
  • Baby Boomers,  Economic Equality (A Goal),  Womens Issues

    Sigma Alpha Epsilon

    March 15, 2015

    The serious and immediate repercussions of the national chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon  on the racist chanters at University of Oklahoma are so rare that, they must be remarked upon.

    Since Gerald Ford pardoned President Nixon, we have been a nation of “excusers”.  We only excuse people who are famous and wealthy.  Excuses have not been used for everyone in this great nation.

    You can always tell when excuses will be required again.  After some great crime, or perhaps even a crime that is obscure; there will be platitudes and long speeches with pregnant pauses.  No one can believe that yet another criminal will be set free.  This has been the norm in America, for at least the last 40 years.  The speeches all begin in the same way: “We will complete a full investigation, we will punish those responsible…”  You know when you are listening that nothing will come to pass for those who break laws.

    That is why it is shocking to see wealthy young white men held responsible for their actions.  I think Americans of every color and size have been asking for this kind of justice for many years.  I think women on campuses speaking out about date rape, and protesters in Ferguson, Missouri are all asking that we hold people accountable for ALL of their actions.  It is almost unbelievable that justice would occur with such swift action after racial chanting was recorded and published.  The national chapter of Sigma Alpha Epsilon were purposeful in meting out repercussions for the bad behavior of chapter members.  In America we have seen too many speeches about excusing and ignoring bad behavior.

    I don’t think all bad behavior nor do I believe that all crimes are equal in severity.  I do think that the reaction to all bad behavior and criminal behavior should be the same.  Swift, immediate and harsh repercussions to demonstrate to the innocent and good people of America, that it matters to be good.  We should all be reassured that our own personal contribution to what is good and right is worthwhile, that if not rewarded, is at least recognized.

    Read More
  • Economic Equality (A Goal),  World Affairs

    Equality the Impossible Equation

    March 7, 2015

    I don’t think much about offering everyone dignity and respect and here is why: we don’t do anything in this country to maintain basic human life at a living standard.  What good does it do to give dignity and respect when so many people are starving?

    If we are to believe in equality and to tout the benefits of equality, we must agree to basic minimum living standards that – just by virtue of being human – everyone is entitled to.  What I mean by this is – should every human expect shelter from the elements?  Should every human expect to avoid malnourishment by eating healthy food?  Should every human expect healthcare?  To all of these questions, we must say yes if we are to create true equality.  We must come to an agreement about what is the minimum standard for equality and thus human dignity.  I can guarantee that a few kind words for a homeless and hungry woman does not translate to equality.

    In America, we don’t agree that every human is entitled to a basic living.  We use our biases and judgmentalness to justify our lack of sensitivity to the plight of those in poverty.  Judging others for their conditions, saves us from evaluating our own selfishness.  We can evaluate others negatively and justify our own actions and thoughts.  “Those people don’t work hard, that’s why they are hungry!”  “If he had gone to school, he wouldn’t be making minimum wage.”

    That’s part of the difficulty inherent in equality, because we all have to agree to minimum living standards for everyone.  Those standards have to apply to everyone, no matter what we think of how people live their life, each person has a right to shelter, food and healthcare.  In the system we have now, talented, beautiful and the rich are the only ones entitled.  If we admit that all humans are entitled to a living, we might have to do something about it.  That would require a contribution from everyone.

    In America, we are so taken in by mass marketing, that we have actually believed that giving “dignity and respect” means that we have created equality here.  We have not.

    Read More
  • Baby Boomers,  Hmmm...,  It is What it is...

    My Diet and the Entitlement Equation

    February 28, 2015

    That’s the problem with entitlement, it’s drawing an equation where no equation exists.  I thought resisting chocolate cake and bakery products entitled me to a slender body.  I eat healthy, I follow all of the dietician’s “suggestions” and still I cannot claim a slender body.  I do these:  I plan my meals and I limit the calories of all the meals I plan.  All of the snacks that I have access to are healthy: walnuts, cashews, dark chocolate, Greek yogurt and honey.  I eat according to the schedule, I do not graze.  I don’t ever put crackers or chips at my desk or next to me while watching television.  I don’t even eat crackers because white flour is not recommended for post menopausal women.  I use the book Calorie King so that I know what to avoid: I never eat at fast food restaurants, ever.  I also have a Calorie King ap for my iPad so that I can get information on the go.  We don’t eat cakes, donuts, pastries, white bread or any other white flour.  Our pasta is organic whole grain and our rice is brown.   I switched to almond milk to reduce the dairy and beverage calories.  We eat a lot of salads.

    I walk across the parking lot and I take the stairs four times per day, every weekday.  I also walk a 15 minute mile at least 3 times per week at lunch time.  I jump up when I can sit down and I carry my own groceries so that I can have the experience of lifting.  If that weren’t enough I also have a set of stretches that I do every week day morning to keep my back and knee from getting stiff and sore.

    The expectation that I have is that all of this effort will give me a slender body.  It does not.  Eating right does not equal a slender body.  Living healthy and actively does not equal a slender body.  I have a couple of things working against me: I have bradycardia = slow heartbeat = slow metabolism.  My heart does not need treatment; it is at least partially a side effect of my hypothyroidism, but there it is, the kiss of death to an “easy” diet.

    Back to entitlement, healthy eating does not equal slender body, actively living does not equal slender body.  Slender body is eating less than actively using, that is the only equation that exists.  I can feel sorry for myself because my metabolism makes me work harder than other people, I can believe that the physical universe is unjust to me and none of that matters to this reality.

    Slender body = eating less than my body uses.  Now that’s an equation.

     

     

    Read More