• Speaking as a Parent

    Bruce Says:

    Their personalities are apparent.
    Their personalities are apparent.

    I don't want to sit still.
    They don’t want to sit still.

    Grandchildren ———————-

    Herding cats is much easier.
    Herding cats is much easier.

    They are so curious – the one year old walks around “What’s that?”

    The other young ones can not keep their hands from touching and exploring anything and everything.

    They are smart – they are much better at any computer or electronic device than I will every be.

    They are strong – try and wrestle with them for 10 minutes – and you will know what I am talking about.  You will be ready to quit and they will just be getting started.

    They are funny – “I can’t hear you” when their parents are calling them from another room to come and take their bath.

    They are so loving – hugs, kisses and sitting on your lap are moments to be treasured.

    I try and teach them what I know and at the same time I am constantly learning from them.

    Last, but not least – they are so “Energetic” – being around them I try and absorb all the excess energy that I can.  It keeps me young.

    Sorry Mr. Ponce de Leon, not you, but I have discovered “the Fountain of Youth”.

  • Baby Boomers

    No to Designing in Retro

    I am not interested in designing in retro.  I do not live for the memory of the 50s, I am not pining away for the music of the 80s.  I don’t want to imitate the baroque style of Europe in the 18th century.  These are all signs of dissatisfaction with what is available now.  It recalls to me being a child and listening to the old people telling stories of their youth, as if the world were a better place back then.

    I want my life, right now, to be the best style and the best place for me to live.  I don’t want to wish for something that is not here.  I want to enjoy and live with the fantastic artistry of the present.  The cocktail parties of the sixties were stylish and elegant, but having my friends over for drinks after work is more fun and loud laughter is very much appreciated.

    Our ability to create and see color is more advanced than it has ever been.  We are more capable of building the most interesting and fantastic objects that humans have ever manufactured.  For these things I am grateful.  I want my home to be a reflection of what is beautiful to me and to my family.  I do not want my home to reflect another time in history, or another moment in style.

    We are living in a wonderful time that is just as good and just as significant as any other time in history.  We move forward, we make progress, we gain knowledge, understanding and wisdom.  We cannot call our time a renaissance, but our time will yield results as beautiful, meaningful and important to us all.

    So, for afternoons full of wonder and excitement, I look to what is available to see and touch in this world right now…

  • Economy of Effort,  Personal Growth,  Speaking as a Parent,  Womens Issues

    My Dearest Daughter and All Daughters, Sisters, Mothers, Wives and Girl-Friends

    Please, stop and make yourself a lunch.  Do not scurry on to the next chore and skip attention to yourself.  Please be thoughtful; make yourself a tasty and nutritious lunch that will not make you feel guilty, nor leave you hungry.

    If you are drinking a diet soda for lunch, then you have missed caring for a very important person who matters.

    Please, daughter, stop and take a break.  Give yourself the gift of a deep breath.  Do what smokers do and stop everything for 10 whole minutes (just don’t have the cigarette).  The world will not suffer irretrievably if you are taking a break.  But, do know this, your body and your mind will suffer if you do not take breaks.

    If you are rushing between appointments, then you have missed taking care of you.

    Please, make your day, a day that ends reasonably.  Never, ever do laundry at midnight, or bake cookies at three a.m.  Find a way to make your life work within the confines of your life.  Healthy living can’t continue without rest.  Trust me on this; perfection is unattainable and store bought cookies really do taste good.

    If you are not resting, then you are not healing and healing is the way into tomorrow.  Please don’t risk your future on an overwhelming today.

    Please daughter, move your body.  Move around and feel all of the parts of your body.  Give your muscles and your bones and your mind, movement, it improves everything about your life, everything.

    Don’t squander a tasty meal, by not savoring it, don’t squander a deep breath by not taking it, don’t squander a moment of peace by not feeling it, don’t squander an opportunity for rest by ignoring it and don’t squander the chance to move.  Move to the music, move to the light, move and be moved, life is calling.

  • Economic Equality (A Goal)

    What You Choose in Life

    I’ve always been a bit baffled by the adoration of the Buddhist monk’s ability to meditate.  They are lauded as being people with a higher transcendental purpose with abilities mere humans do not have.

    Contrast this perceived adoration of Buddhist monks with an article I read recently about the stupidity of Americans who choose to work for the “man” in a corporate culture.  The author, who is a well known blogger, seemed to feel that it was very negative to work in corporate culture for a paycheck.  David writes “Every time I write a piece advocating escape from corporate servitude, I receive a few emails that contain a particular kind of scolding. They tell me that only an entitled brat could be unsatisfied with a stable job and a roof, in a world where so many pine for only these things.”

    David goes on to say “As if there were no better ideas out there, we take up this yoke by the thousand, slotting ourselves in grids of grey squares, stacked fifty to a hundred high, sealed with a shiny glass exterior.”

    I just don’t like David’s tone.  I don’t like the absolute admiration of the Buddhist monks either.

    So the issue seems to be:  How society and the people in society judge your life and how you choose to live it.

    I think, that in spite of what we believe, we are indeed vulnerable to fads, in fact, some of us go chasing fads.  In this sense, I think this fact calls a question to our ability to objectively judge.  Most people do not have the ability to judge objectively and fairly.  We have so much personal opinion and history that it becomes impossible to be objective.  We always bring our personal histories into the judgment.

    What purpose does judgment about others serve?  I think it goes back to the human need to be elite.  By being superior to others we can place our survival first above everyone else and therefore assure our own survival.  When property ownership first conceptualized for humans, wealth became a survival construct.  That construct has not changed in spite of the sophistication of our culture.  We still struggle to be elite and at the top of our social group, we still struggle for wealth and we do all of these things to assure our survival.

    In this struggle – sometimes – our best weapon is to show how smart we are and how much smarter we are than anyone else.  We express this by telling everyone how wrong they are and how much more enlightened we are.

    I grow weary of this primal twenty first century game.  Stop telling me how great you are.  Stop telling me what is wrong with how I live.  Stop comparing my life to yours.  Indeed, you have no more answers to life’s problems than the fabled sesame seed.

    We are all quite capable of determining what is good and right for ourselves and our families.  This is not to say that we do not need direction and moral reminders of what is good and right in the world.  What it means is that we must trust our own selves to gain answers and not put our survival in the hands of elitists, who will tell us their version of rightness, which is to say that elitists should survive first.

  • Baby Boomers,  Psychology of Life

    Christmas is Now

    I’m a bit worn out with what was.  Sentimentality about how it used to be is not where I want my mind to be.  It is only recently that I came to this conclusion.  I came by it quite accidentally, as we were decorating the Christmas tree.  As I looked at the tattered, discolored and frayed angel that goes on top of the tree, I realized that I was hanging onto something that was completely unusable.  That angel was the first Christmas decoration that I had purchased with my whole heart.  It has sat on top of my Christmas tree since then.

    I did not realize how misused and old that Angel looked, I kept putting it there as a symbol of tradition.  My mind was blindly holding onto something not real.  As for the tradition, for some reason, I am not seeing it that way now.  That tradition may have saved a few bucks, but I think with all of the old memories that the angel symbolizes, my brain has become crowded and rather than having new memories, I reminisce.  As my grandchildren started getting excited about decorating the tree I realized once again, that my time is limited to now. To spend my time thinking of yesterday, devalues this moment that I live in right now.   I don’t want to miss this moment because my mind is filled with thoughts of a yesterday.  This moment really is the best moment.  As much as I loved yesterday’s Christmas, it is this Christmas and I want to be happy right now.

    This is not to say that we do not remember our loved ones.  It is hard to part with the things that my beloved mother touched, yet I know I must.  My mother’s things are not my mother and thinking that those things bring me  closer to my mother is a misconception.  My mother is gone; touching her things will not bring her back.  I do not disparage the love of things to preserve memories – I do not.  I just know that things are not what we need.  Each other is what we need.  The present is what we need.  The yesterday exists only in our mind.

    Again, I am not against memories of the past, or tradition, or the love of mementos from those we have treasured.  I am saying that we must be careful that these things that we love from the past, do not crowd out and therefore do harm to the present.

  • Personal Growth

    I Just Don’t Get It

    What is with the unblemished need to make one’s self right, by making someone else wrong?  I have seen these phenomena, countless times.  No doubt, at some point in my life, I was guilty of it.  But like acne and baby fat, I always thought it was something that you grow out of.  Not so much.  It occurs daily in so many subtle and not so subtle ways.

    Why do people think that they will appear superior only if and when another is shown to be inferior?  Over and over again I see nice people attacking another, in meetings, in boardrooms, in family conversations and anywhere else that two or more are gathered.  The underlying conversation seems to be, “if I outwit you, I am then, indeed, superior.  From this feeling of greatness, I get a prize.”

    As I observe these conversations, I am always struck with the question “What is the prize?”  How does it help you to have put someone down?  How does it help you to have pointed out the flaw in the personhood of another?  How can you feel stronger by that?  What do you gain?

    These random moments of meanness, which are so often accompanied by a smile and a nod are quite disconcerting.  It is no wonder that people, in general, have difficulty trusting each other.  We attack each other for no apparent reason; we launch this attack in public and then herald our superiority over others.  I won’t forget standing in a busy airport rushing to a connecting flight and stopping for food, my long time business partner and friend, announced loudly that I was foolish not to carry cash and then angrily threw her cash on the table, as if my personal habit was a philosophical shortcoming that made her re-evaluate our friendship.  No such thing happened, what eventually happened is that I re-evaluated our long-time friendship and she is no longer my friend.  I did not rid myself of this friendship because of that incident.  What happened is that I gradually recognized that my friend often expressed her superiority by touting my perceived inferiority.  What a disappointment and a heartbreaker.

  • Baby Boomers,  Love and Relationships

    A Perspective That Bothered Me…

    I read an article the other day, in a magazine that I normally admire, titled “Love Lessons from Second  Wives”.  Yes, I’m a second wife and always have been.  Point one against the author of this story who was never a second wife and cheerfully admits “frankly have been too lazy to get beyond threats” when discussing the possibility of divorce…

    She writes that her remarried friends help her to remember that there is value in keeping a marriage fresh and keeping ourselves fresh by dressing to “look good.”  She states that “Venerable relationships often falter on the question of compromise.  Second marriages, not so much.”  She states this as a fact (and here is where I am disappointed) as if lack of compromise is the reason for divorces.  She even cites a friend who admits that her marriage “imploded over birdbrained tiffs.”

    I do not recognize any of this and I am one of those who survived a divorce.  I do not like the article, because fundamentally, one should not make claims (even if secondary) about such a world breaking experience like divorce, unless you have lived it.  It is like a man describing childbirth – it’s not done.  When this author takes the position that compromise is critical to successful marriage, I can’t argue, after all, she is still married, but when she makes the supposition that lack of compromise is a cause for divorce, she steps out of bounds.  Who can discuss the soul-shattering experience of a spouse who dismisses you?  Who can tell of the spirit-crushing experience of a spouse’s sexual betrayal?  Who can enumerate the daily pains of living with addiction and alcoholism?  Those who have climbed those mountains and crawled through those valleys of tears, they can speak of these things, no other.

    No one ever starts out a marriage wanting a divorce, no one.  And learning to compromise comes with age, which is why second marriages often successfully compromise – the couple has learned through experience that life is better with agreement.  Anyone over the age of 40 will tell you that compromise wins in the long run.  You don’t have to be divorced to understand this.

    I’m not sure why I was annoyed with this author’s treatment of divorce and second marriages.  I just know that life is a lesson that cannot be explained by an onlooker.  You have to experience the depth to understand the breadth.

  • Baby Boomers

    AARP

    It occurs to me that today’s grandparents are nothing like they were 50 years ago.  I realized this when I was looking at an email my 60+ staff member was sending to the Director of our bureau.  She was chewing him out, letting him know that the action taken by the department was annoying to her and other staff members.  It did not cross her mind that she should offer silence about the inconvenience.  She simply believed that she should tell all and that she should tell all to the person who could do something about it.

    I’ve also noticed that quite a few of my men 60+ friends are riding Harley Davidson motorcycles with the full leather regalia.  They don’t want to wear helmets, they are rebellious in their hearts and they have a need to communicate that rebelliousness to the world.

    These grandparents are very happy to be.  They love their children and their grandchildren.  They are irreverent.  They flirt with their physicians, they talk with anyone.  There is very little that is intimidating to them.  I think that this is a good thing.  I think the world needs those who would question authority, status quo and all things institutional.  They are, as was the promise of the sixties, the new definition of our culture, lasting into the future…

  • Baby Boomers,  Economic Equality (A Goal),  World Affairs

    Elitism: the Antithesis of Egalitarianism

    If, indeed, our purpose is to find ways to live together productively and peacefully then I am sure that my job is to write.  I am positive that I have the right way to attain a productive and peaceful coexistence with anyone and everyone.  I am also sure that I can articulate it.

    We must realize that hierarchical social systems are the antithesis of egalitarian living.  Some argue that hierarchical social systems are necessary because of the number of humans on the planet.  I do not agree with this argument.  I also do not believe that leaders should be static.  Situational leadership demands that either the leader changes to fit the situation or the leadership must change to fit the situation.

    Our various hierarchical societies are a punishing way to construct humanity’s social system.  The current construct demands that those on the top of hierarchies be greedy, anti-social or both.  This is not to say that each and all wealthy and/or powerful humans are greedy, it is to say that the structure of hierarchy breeds greed.  Often, in order to get to the top of the hierarchy, one must engage in behavior that is antithetical to humanity.  Pushing to the “top” is sometimes a terrible game of cruelty that leaves many victimized and demoralized.

    The American culture which began so full of hope for equality for all humans, came to idolize wealth instead of humanitarian ideals and thus lost the initial impetus for effective social change for equality and an egalitarian way of life for humans of the Earth.

    This is unfortunate, as it is a delay that has cost us many years and many lives.  The American culture encourages elitism and champions those who fight to the “top” of our various social systems and cultures.  We have therefore bred a group of leaders who proudly look only to their own good, who overtly attempt control of different social systems and who hoard money in any way possible in order to further their own ends.  This group of leaders feels that it is their right, by virtue of the fact that they sit on top of the elite social structure, to have more and better just for them and no one else.  As the governor’s campaign says “Power for the few, but not for you.”

    How do we change this?  How do we make it better, different, important, once again, as a human ideal?  First we must acknowledge that equality is a value that we wish to place above other qualities.  We must also acknowledge that on the slippery slope of making money, we forgot that human beings and their lives are more important than any amount of money.  As others have said “You cannot have a war, if no one comes.”  If we want our sons and daughters to live into old age, we will not send them into battlefields where American millionaires find more and more ways to keep money that they have not earned.  If we were sincere about this, we would reverse the legislation of the Reagans and Bushes and make it illegal (immoral, of course) to make money from a war – no matter the cause of the war.

    To restate:

    1.  Our purpose with each other is to find ways to peacefully and productively coexist.

    2.  Our culture does not encourage coexistence.

    3.  Hierarchical cultures encourage elitism and discourage egalitarianism.

    4.  Our hierarchical cultures are punishing for humans.

    5.  Leadership in America idolizes wealth over all things, including human beings.

    6.  America must come back to valuing human life above all things.

    7. If it was illegal to profit from war, there would be no war.