• Baby Boomers,  Economic Equality (A Goal),  Womens Issues,  World Affairs

    I’m Not Mad at Oprah… But

    February 22, 2015

    I’m looking at the latest Oprah mag and as usual I’m disgusted (why do I keep buying this mag!).  In my liberal arts classes in college, we often discussed how women undermined themselves by co-opting to the white man’s definition of the professional world.  It was a concept we were all too familiar with.  A woman would make it to the top of her organization and immediately begin criticizing her female peers.  As undergraduates we all promised each other to not be “like that”.

    This became part of a broader perspective which was to have women redefine the working world.  We wanted to show the dominant male, that humans needed flexibility and purpose in their work and that productivity could increase as a result of these values.  What is so right about working without personal interruption from 8 to 5?  It’s not only unrealistic, but harsh as well.

    Anyway, the key issue for women was co-opting, which meant to adopt the white man’s belief systems and begin judging others based on this belief structure.  This was always deletorious to women.  White men rarely saw the sensibility to being a sensitive and caring individual in the work place.

    Ack, and that’s why I am angry with Oprah.  The economic tyranny of her magazine is offensive.  I was born to a very poor and large southern family.  I grew up with a fervent desire to gain traction in the economic community of the United States.  I went to college and then to graduate school and then, when that was not enough I became certified in addictions therapy so that I could help others.

    At no time ever, have I had enough money to spend $268.00 on a skirt or a shirt or a pair of shoes.  It’s just not done.  Oh sure, you can say that since I had several children and certainly am in love with several grandchildren, that is the reason for not spending such obscene quantities of money on myself.

    For a dress that costs $500.00 there should be ‘2 men and a small boy’ sewing exactly to my specifications.  But there is not.  And in fact, I am finding that more and more money is worthless.  If I spend $80.00 on a dress my money is worthless…  it was a ‘cheap’ purchase.  The fact is that with a graduate degree $80.00 is still three hours of a working day and when you figure in taxes, etc., it is more like 5 hours of a working day.

    I also belong to a little known organization that concerns itself with how and what Americans are paid in wages.  For the last several years the battle has been on – to raise the minimum wage in America.  Do you know how many people make less than $10.00 an hour in America?  Just think of this: every fast food restaurant, all convenience stores and every single Walmart in the country.  $8.00 X 40 hours X 52 weeks = $16,640.00 per year.  You know that it is an impossible wage?  So if buying a $268.00 shirt won’t happen for me…then you know that fully half of the rest of the country cannot even imagine a $268.00 shirt.

    What I call this is Oprah using her influence to an unfair advantage with economically compromised women.  We love Oprah so much that we want to buy her “favorite things” yet when we do, we lower our credit score because we cannot possibly pay for Oprah’s favorite things with cash.  Who can?  Apparently enough women to keep the mega advertising machine of Oprah rolling along, but only for the very well off.

    I guess I wanted Oprah to care about the economically disadvantaged. She does not seem to care, she has her billions and just like every other white male with a billion dollars she uses her influence and name to make some more money for herself.  Of course.

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  • It is What it is...,  Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life

    This OR That

    February 15, 2015

    I was listening to my friend describe her new man friend and I began to get a bit uncomfortable.  According to my friend, her new boyfriend is a very generous man who gave his home and everything in it to his ex-wife.  He also told her about how generous he was to his ex-girlfriend showering gifts on her that she kept after they broke up.  As proof of his largesse he even showed my friend his ex-wife’s big beautiful house that he paid for.

    My friend then proceeded to tell me how her new man friend reported being angry that women “always take advantage” of him.  He said that he is such a great guy and so generous that he gave everything away.  This has made him angry and explains why he has had angry outbursts with my friend…

    No, I don’t think so – not any of it.  First of all, if you are generous, that is you giving to another.  Generous people do not get a return for their gift; that would belie the meaning of the word “gift”.  How is it possible to be taken advantage of, if you are giving?  The only explanation is that you expected something in return for your gift.  You expected a return on your investment – which again – is NOT a gift.

    That is why I say this OR that, because either you are a generous soul who has given to other human souls freely – or more likely – a person who wants something in return for your monetary gifts to others.

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  • Baby Boomers,  Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life

    Don’t Give Up Your Body

    January 30, 2015

    Your body is yours and nothing changes that.  You own it and you manage it, no matter what.  You cannot say “my job is so stressful that I have high blood pressure”.  You don’t own your job the way that you own your body.  Don’t invite an outside force inside that does damage!

    Please don’t say “this job is making my blood pressure go higher.”  Or, “this job is giving me an ulcer.” Or, “Mexican food gives me heartburn.”  The only accurate way to express what is happening to your body is to say “I haven’t made the correct decisions to keep my blood pressure down.”  Or, “I don’t know how to reduce my ulcer pain.” Or, “the way to stop heartburn is to stop eating the food that causes it.”

    It is difficult and perhaps very difficult to make our body happy, but it is well worth the effort.  It takes accountability to have a healthy body.  Note that I did not say beautiful or well formed, I said a healthy body.

    Part of the challenge of maintaining health is that in our culture we equate youth and beauty with health, but in keeping with the old adage, “don’t judge a book by its cover” looks can be very deceiving.  I know young people who have never eaten anything but MacDonald’s and have very well formed bodies.  The well-formed body belies the fact that the body is unhealthy.

    Most importantly, don’t surrender your body to any other force.  When you say that something outside of you is forcing your body into an unhealthy condition, you are, in effect, allowing that force to control you.

    This is not to say that if you choose, you will be completely healthy forever.  It means that in so far as you are able, it is up to you to maintain and improve your health.  I recently watched a YouTube video with a young man who has Cystic Fibrosis.  He understood his disease and he understood that his role included taking responsibility for completing treatments every single day of his life.  No one can say that he could have done anything to avoid Cystic Fibrosis, yet he takes a very responsible role with his body and his disease.

    It is not even possible anymore to blame your weight on the food manufacturing or restaurant industries.  You have to be illiterate and possibly even blind and deaf to not understand the connection between sugar, alcohol, animal fats, chemicals and a loss of health.

    I believe that this is why so many people speak a language of irresponsibility – folks do not want to say, oh yes, it is I who have eaten and drunk to the point of disease and death.  Folks want to say, that it is someone else who did it to them.

    Don’t be that person.  Be the person who stands up and says, my body belongs to me.  I am in charge of what goes into my body.  I am in charge of how active I am.  I am in charge of the chemicals that I ingest.  You can do everything in YOUR power to make your body healthy and live long enough to enjoy retirement and grandchildren.  Or if not that, then perhaps travel and friendship, it is up to you…All of it.

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  • Philosophy,  Psychology of Life

    No Rhyme, Nor Reason…

    January 19, 2015

    No Rhyme, Nor Reason…

    I spoke with an anguished mother this morning, who told me “this isn’t fair, we are good people.”  She was recounting a story about how her landlord had collected rent from her family illegally, as the house she is living in was foreclosed on.  She has to move from her home today, with her disabled son and husband.  She has never missed a single rent payment.

    I thought about all of the conversations I have with people about positivity.  Being personally positive sets up an expectation for positive results.  Sometimes, things just don’t work out that way.  It brings to mind a book that came out in the eighties titled “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”.  At the time, I thought the author did a good job of explaining some of the vagaries in life.  As with anything difficult, the point was to cope for the moment, to get through the moment so that one could go on.

    I am an analyzer and I want a formula.  To get back to positive thinking, I want positive thinking to be meaningful and to control what happens in my life.  It does not.  Positive thinking won’t stop a hurricane, it won’t keep me healthy and it won’t guarantee that I get to keep and use all of the money that I have worked hard for, for all of my life.

    I attach meaning to the work I have done in my life.  I want my past work to pay my way through my future.  I think this is a reasonable social contract and I have done all of the things that the prescribed formula advised me to do: I got an education, I got a steady job, and I worked and worked and worked.  I put money in the bank; I put money in the 401K.

    All of our “choose-in” choices, by life design, are also “choose-out” choices.  Money in the bank can’t be spent on a child’s new braces (until you take it out of the bank) and time spent at work, cannot be spent at leisure.  I understand this concept completely.  I have had to choose between emergent needs on many occasions in my life.

    What I missed, what I did not comprehend, is that at some point, all of those choices do work out to something in your life.  What I mean by this is that, if you are a person who has no competing interests in your life and that makes you able to put your money in the bank, then at some point you will probably have money in the bank.  The price you pay is “no competing interests”.  In other words, you have nothing to spend money on, no family, no partner and no children.

    The reality of our material construct called life: is that, we have what we most focus on.  If we focus on our children, it is likely that our children will be around for our entire life.  As we have taught them to be concerned and to have compassion by giving those gifts to them, so they will also demonstrate those same gifts to us as we grow older.

    Again, every “choose-in” has a corresponding “choose-out”.  In other words, we pay a price for all that we decide is important to us, because we are also relegating other things to unimportance.  When we choose to have children, we are also choosing a very large financial investment.

    The unpredictability of life circumstance is that, no matter what choices we make, good, bad or indifferent, life can and does, intermittently, destroy it all.  That’s the problem.  That is the issue which terrorizes my analytical brain.  It is as if life mockingly laughs at my need to draw lines and to keep accurate spreadsheets.  Yes, yes, Mrs. Smith, we see that you are organized, but now you have been fired from your job and all of last week’s planning is for naught.  Or yes, Mr. Smith, we see that you have saved money and paid for your house, but now your daughter is sick and you must take out mortgages to pay for medical care to keep her alive.

    We know that justice is a social construct.  We work hard to make justice real in our society.  We work very hard to mitigate the whim of life by purchasing insurance and being safe.  It matters that we take these precautions, yet it does not guarantee that life won’t happen.  Bad things do happen to good people.

    As to choosing in and choosing out; I always did the best that I possibly could in every moment.  There are lots of things that I did not choose, good and bad.  As to positivity, it is what brings me through the changes and unpredictability of life, and then forces me to take the next step.

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  • Speaking as a Parent

    Bruce Says:

    January 9, 2015

    Their personalities are apparent.
    Their personalities are apparent.

    I don't want to sit still.
    They don’t want to sit still.

    Grandchildren ———————-

    Herding cats is much easier.
    Herding cats is much easier.

    They are so curious – the one year old walks around “What’s that?”

    The other young ones can not keep their hands from touching and exploring anything and everything.

    They are smart – they are much better at any computer or electronic device than I will every be.

    They are strong – try and wrestle with them for 10 minutes – and you will know what I am talking about.  You will be ready to quit and they will just be getting started.

    They are funny – “I can’t hear you” when their parents are calling them from another room to come and take their bath.

    They are so loving – hugs, kisses and sitting on your lap are moments to be treasured.

    I try and teach them what I know and at the same time I am constantly learning from them.

    Last, but not least – they are so “Energetic” – being around them I try and absorb all the excess energy that I can.  It keeps me young.

    Sorry Mr. Ponce de Leon, not you, but I have discovered “the Fountain of Youth”.

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  • Baby Boomers

    No to Designing in Retro

    December 26, 2014

    I am not interested in designing in retro.  I do not live for the memory of the 50s, I am not pining away for the music of the 80s.  I don’t want to imitate the baroque style of Europe in the 18th century.  These are all signs of dissatisfaction with what is available now.  It recalls to me being a child and listening to the old people telling stories of their youth, as if the world were a better place back then.

    I want my life, right now, to be the best style and the best place for me to live.  I don’t want to wish for something that is not here.  I want to enjoy and live with the fantastic artistry of the present.  The cocktail parties of the sixties were stylish and elegant, but having my friends over for drinks after work is more fun and loud laughter is very much appreciated.

    Our ability to create and see color is more advanced than it has ever been.  We are more capable of building the most interesting and fantastic objects that humans have ever manufactured.  For these things I am grateful.  I want my home to be a reflection of what is beautiful to me and to my family.  I do not want my home to reflect another time in history, or another moment in style.

    We are living in a wonderful time that is just as good and just as significant as any other time in history.  We move forward, we make progress, we gain knowledge, understanding and wisdom.  We cannot call our time a renaissance, but our time will yield results as beautiful, meaningful and important to us all.

    So, for afternoons full of wonder and excitement, I look to what is available to see and touch in this world right now…

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  • Economy of Effort,  Personal Growth,  Speaking as a Parent,  Womens Issues

    My Dearest Daughter and All Daughters, Sisters, Mothers, Wives and Girl-Friends

    December 22, 2014

    Please, stop and make yourself a lunch.  Do not scurry on to the next chore and skip attention to yourself.  Please be thoughtful; make yourself a tasty and nutritious lunch that will not make you feel guilty, nor leave you hungry.

    If you are drinking a diet soda for lunch, then you have missed caring for a very important person who matters.

    Please, daughter, stop and take a break.  Give yourself the gift of a deep breath.  Do what smokers do and stop everything for 10 whole minutes (just don’t have the cigarette).  The world will not suffer irretrievably if you are taking a break.  But, do know this, your body and your mind will suffer if you do not take breaks.

    If you are rushing between appointments, then you have missed taking care of you.

    Please, make your day, a day that ends reasonably.  Never, ever do laundry at midnight, or bake cookies at three a.m.  Find a way to make your life work within the confines of your life.  Healthy living can’t continue without rest.  Trust me on this; perfection is unattainable and store bought cookies really do taste good.

    If you are not resting, then you are not healing and healing is the way into tomorrow.  Please don’t risk your future on an overwhelming today.

    Please daughter, move your body.  Move around and feel all of the parts of your body.  Give your muscles and your bones and your mind, movement, it improves everything about your life, everything.

    Don’t squander a tasty meal, by not savoring it, don’t squander a deep breath by not taking it, don’t squander a moment of peace by not feeling it, don’t squander an opportunity for rest by ignoring it and don’t squander the chance to move.  Move to the music, move to the light, move and be moved, life is calling.

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  • Economic Equality (A Goal)

    What You Choose in Life

    December 11, 2014

    I’ve always been a bit baffled by the adoration of the Buddhist monk’s ability to meditate.  They are lauded as being people with a higher transcendental purpose with abilities mere humans do not have.

    Contrast this perceived adoration of Buddhist monks with an article I read recently about the stupidity of Americans who choose to work for the “man” in a corporate culture.  The author, who is a well known blogger, seemed to feel that it was very negative to work in corporate culture for a paycheck.  David writes “Every time I write a piece advocating escape from corporate servitude, I receive a few emails that contain a particular kind of scolding. They tell me that only an entitled brat could be unsatisfied with a stable job and a roof, in a world where so many pine for only these things.”

    David goes on to say “As if there were no better ideas out there, we take up this yoke by the thousand, slotting ourselves in grids of grey squares, stacked fifty to a hundred high, sealed with a shiny glass exterior.”

    I just don’t like David’s tone.  I don’t like the absolute admiration of the Buddhist monks either.

    So the issue seems to be:  How society and the people in society judge your life and how you choose to live it.

    I think, that in spite of what we believe, we are indeed vulnerable to fads, in fact, some of us go chasing fads.  In this sense, I think this fact calls a question to our ability to objectively judge.  Most people do not have the ability to judge objectively and fairly.  We have so much personal opinion and history that it becomes impossible to be objective.  We always bring our personal histories into the judgment.

    What purpose does judgment about others serve?  I think it goes back to the human need to be elite.  By being superior to others we can place our survival first above everyone else and therefore assure our own survival.  When property ownership first conceptualized for humans, wealth became a survival construct.  That construct has not changed in spite of the sophistication of our culture.  We still struggle to be elite and at the top of our social group, we still struggle for wealth and we do all of these things to assure our survival.

    In this struggle – sometimes – our best weapon is to show how smart we are and how much smarter we are than anyone else.  We express this by telling everyone how wrong they are and how much more enlightened we are.

    I grow weary of this primal twenty first century game.  Stop telling me how great you are.  Stop telling me what is wrong with how I live.  Stop comparing my life to yours.  Indeed, you have no more answers to life’s problems than the fabled sesame seed.

    We are all quite capable of determining what is good and right for ourselves and our families.  This is not to say that we do not need direction and moral reminders of what is good and right in the world.  What it means is that we must trust our own selves to gain answers and not put our survival in the hands of elitists, who will tell us their version of rightness, which is to say that elitists should survive first.

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  • Baby Boomers,  Psychology of Life

    Christmas is Now

    December 1, 2014

    I’m a bit worn out with what was.  Sentimentality about how it used to be is not where I want my mind to be.  It is only recently that I came to this conclusion.  I came by it quite accidentally, as we were decorating the Christmas tree.  As I looked at the tattered, discolored and frayed angel that goes on top of the tree, I realized that I was hanging onto something that was completely unusable.  That angel was the first Christmas decoration that I had purchased with my whole heart.  It has sat on top of my Christmas tree since then.

    I did not realize how misused and old that Angel looked, I kept putting it there as a symbol of tradition.  My mind was blindly holding onto something not real.  As for the tradition, for some reason, I am not seeing it that way now.  That tradition may have saved a few bucks, but I think with all of the old memories that the angel symbolizes, my brain has become crowded and rather than having new memories, I reminisce.  As my grandchildren started getting excited about decorating the tree I realized once again, that my time is limited to now. To spend my time thinking of yesterday, devalues this moment that I live in right now.   I don’t want to miss this moment because my mind is filled with thoughts of a yesterday.  This moment really is the best moment.  As much as I loved yesterday’s Christmas, it is this Christmas and I want to be happy right now.

    This is not to say that we do not remember our loved ones.  It is hard to part with the things that my beloved mother touched, yet I know I must.  My mother’s things are not my mother and thinking that those things bring me  closer to my mother is a misconception.  My mother is gone; touching her things will not bring her back.  I do not disparage the love of things to preserve memories – I do not.  I just know that things are not what we need.  Each other is what we need.  The present is what we need.  The yesterday exists only in our mind.

    Again, I am not against memories of the past, or tradition, or the love of mementos from those we have treasured.  I am saying that we must be careful that these things that we love from the past, do not crowd out and therefore do harm to the present.

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