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“Good Stuff” and Feeling “Special”
I did something this morning that I have not often done in my life. I wore all of the “good stuff” to work, right away, without hesitation.My daughter sent earrings and a bracelet on Saturday. Normally I would put them away and wait for a special occasion. No way! My husband doesn’t like it, but I am admitting that I am aging. Because of that, I don’t want to wait to do anything anymore. I want to wear all of my pretty clothes and jewelry right here and right now. It may be aging, it may not be.
I heard a story about a man sadly talking about his wife. After her funeral he was going through her dresser drawers and he found a beautiful new night gown delicately laced and obviously expensive. It made him cry because he knew that she had been saving the night gown for a special occasion. I totally understand her. I grew up in a house with six other kids. If you wanted to eat, you came to dinner early, if you wanted a new dress for school, you saved your money from scavenging for pop bottles and redeeming them at .03 cents a piece. If you got something nice, it was to be savored and adored, not to be touched and roughed up. Anything nice had to be hidden and watched over. Because luxuries were hard earned, they were saved…
The habit is hard to break. You can gain financial superiority and you will still be holding that lace nightgown in the original box and you do not want to use it. Once you use it, it is no longer special. Yes, yes, that feeling of specialness that comes with the gift or the new item. Feeling special can come in a box with tissue and ribbon. That is the other reason for hanging on to these things: if you have never had much attention, a little bit of attention must be savored and again, adored. As happens so often with these beliefs that are leftover from childhood, you may not even be aware that they are there until someone tells you a story, as did happen with me.
It’s been happening with everything. The china and the crystal were never to be touched unless there was company – but when company came over they wanted to run around and have fun; we always used paper plates. So now I want to serve dinner on china, just for us – for no other reason – just for us. Then I think about being special and now I see, if I am to be special, I must make it happen. I must be a special me, I must use my nice things, I must appreciate the jewelry my daughter sent to me on Saturday. It is me who must make these things happen. Then I must trust that they can and they will happen again. I must realize that I cannot cling to the specialness of that jewelry delivery on Saturday. It is over, that special moment came and then it went. I will get another moment like that – and in the meantime, I have learned that I must appreciate such moments while they are happening.
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I Just Want to Be Regular
Is there space in this universe for regular? I know, that when I was younger, I decried mediocrity, I was disgusted with people who didn’t care about being better, being super, being cool…Now, all I want is a nap. I mean it. Really, I can take normal, I don’t want to marry a woman, I’m not mad because I am trounced on by proud white men. I just want to get by. That may be a sad statement about reality, but really, I just want to get by. I don’t want to change the world, I really just want to make sure that my kids get a real chance at a good life and I hope that I can live to be old with dignity. I don’t want anything special, just to stay off of the alzheimer medications!
So really, let me be. I was all fiery about having the perfect home and then the perfect kids and then the perfect foods and it all just fizzled out, yeah, like that. What I really want now; is to know love, to know peace and to experience joy. I cannot have any of those things if I am running around angry or frustrated or aggressive. All of those things (love, peace and joy) are available to me through acceptance. Acceptance is unconditional, I have to be alright right now with what is right now. I am not working towards something, I am not trying to accomplish anything, I am, that is all.
For me, the middle child, who must accomplish and who must be productive, this is difficult. I have been driven, all of my life. I have n.e.v.e.r. known peace, ever. I had this idea that I would rest when I accomplished whatever it was that needed to be done in order for me to feel successful. It just wasn’t to be done. Because when you have that feeling of ‘doing’ there is no ‘done’.
So now, I say, accept. Have what you have. It is what it is. Be as you are. Yeah.
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Calorie Counts tbt* 6-24-13
In this morning’s edition of tbt*, there is an article “Don’t count on calorie counts.” I was frankly very disappointed in the article. The article cites several studies looking at receipts in restaurants that have recently published calorie counts. The thesis is that people would consume more calories before they were posted because they consumed food in ignorance of the number of calories in the food. The theory posits that once people know how many calories they are eating, they will purchase food with less calories.According to the studies cited, in some cases people bought less calories and in some cases people bought more calories and in a lot of cases calorie buying behavior did not change, just because people were informed. This is not surprising to me. When did the fast food chains start posting calorie counts? Recently, that’s when.
Here is the comment that especially disappointed me “We’re not as plump as we are because we’ve never had our eyes opened to the wages of a Whopper. We’re this way because it’s all too easy, in a pang of hunger and collapse of resolve, to turn a blind eye to the toll.”
To be in the overweight and obese situation that we are in is not a matter of an event. Just like being an addict, you must re-choose your addiction over and over again, every single day. You cannot be obese because on one day, in a pang of hunger you collapsed your resolve. Every single day for months and months and then years and years, you must ignore calories and refuse exercise over and over again. You cannot become obese without having a bit of resolve. You must have resolved to ignore calories and you must insist on NOT exercising to excess. You must have a commitment to ongoing over-eating. This is not easy, your body will reject this; you will have to buy Alka Seltzer and Pepto Bismol and Tums. You will have to ignore what your body is telling you about your stomach. So please, do not suggest that a single event happened and we are now overweight. It is an ongoing string of events.
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My Muse
You know, it’s kind of embarrassing to be in love. No – I mean it. Who wants to acknowledge breathlessly waiting for someone? In some families this ‘lame’ behavior is a desired trait. For my family, true love with the opposite sex was a weakness (not that love with the same sex was any better). So here I am ‘hopelessly in love’ with this guy and it is embarrassing. Come on, tell me I am not alone in this experience? -
Why can’t people always give the best to others? What gets in the way? Let your heart lead in the dance of life. Always do the right thing for the next human being.
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Charlie…
In a sea of grey and white and black and grey, I see a pink ruffle and purple hem. My granddaughters have both passed this way and they have claimed their hug and their one-on-one focus.We are here to celebrate a life that is no more. We are reminiscing about someone who is no more; we are here to speak of someone we love. We are here to give respect and love to one who has touched us and given to us and then passed on.
Within the sea of grey, I see the pink and the purple and I know that life is with us. I see that even though I know death intimately, I know life, yes I know life.
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Sometimes I Mistake Politeness for Friendliness
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“Change ‘Them’ or Change You”
This concept makes complete sense. We know that other people will not change their behavior just because of our sense of what is right and what is wrong. We try our level best, and even with our own children, they adopt some behaviors that we do not like. It’s important that we do not stress ourselves over someone else’s behavior. We cannot change them, as my friend says “It is what it is.” I have to draw the line though, with this idea that because I cannot change them, I will then accommodate the bad behavior. I will not do this.I will not accommodate bad behavior, particularly when it has a deleterious effect on me or someone I know and / or love. I do not believe that because I cannot change you, I should just keep my mouth shut and put up with your messiness! I agree, from the bottom of my heart, that it is of no use for me to get excited and upset about someone else’s behavior, but it does not then follow that I must tolerate that behavior.
Often, all people need, is a little bit of feedback. People do not always know that they are behaving badly, give them some feedback. Maybe, if you do it without being angry and upset, maybe, if you realize that you cannot change them, it won’t be so upsetting and you can have the conversation without getting angry or arguing.
The other important point here is that people will sometimes do whatever they can get away with – when it benefits themselves to do so. Like a husband who cheats on his wife, someone (usually) was allowing him to get away with that behavior. Stepping in and telling someone to stop is difficult work, and at times, it can even put the relationship at risk.
There are also degrees of harm. What I mean by ‘degrees of harm’ is that people will often begin their bad behavior in very subtle ways. At first, the person may just dismiss your wishes, it may be subtle, but it starts out as just feeling uncomfortable. It can then escalate into full-fledged disrespect with the last step being abuse. It can go on for very long periods of time. You may even explain to the person that you do not like the behavior and they might continue it anyway. In the end, you might end up losing the person from your life. It is up to you. You have to decide, and it is not for another to judge or say that you are wrong.
There is something to be said about * not just seeing and perceiving what we want for our own ego sake * but also seeing and perceiving what others are experiencing as a result of our behavior. It can be worthwhile to check it out.
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Sometimes
Sometimes, I play out in another person’s life as if I was never even there. They have been rejected so much in life, that no matter what I do, they will contrive a rejection from me, even though it never happened.