We are here to celebrate a life that is no more. We are reminiscing about someone who is no more; we are here to speak of someone we love. We are here to give respect and love to one who has touched us and given to us and then passed on.
Within the sea of grey, I see the pink and the purple and I know that life is with us. I see that even though I know death intimately, I know life, yes I know life.
I will not accommodate bad behavior, particularly when it has a deleterious effect on me or someone I know and / or love. I do not believe that because I cannot change you, I should just keep my mouth shut and put up with your messiness! I agree, from the bottom of my heart, that it is of no use for me to get excited and upset about someone else’s behavior, but it does not then follow that I must tolerate that behavior.
Often, all people need, is a little bit of feedback. People do not always know that they are behaving badly, give them some feedback. Maybe, if you do it without being angry and upset, maybe, if you realize that you cannot change them, it won’t be so upsetting and you can have the conversation without getting angry or arguing.
The other important point here is that people will sometimes do whatever they can get away with – when it benefits themselves to do so. Like a husband who cheats on his wife, someone (usually) was allowing him to get away with that behavior. Stepping in and telling someone to stop is difficult work, and at times, it can even put the relationship at risk.
There are also degrees of harm. What I mean by ‘degrees of harm’ is that people will often begin their bad behavior in very subtle ways. At first, the person may just dismiss your wishes, it may be subtle, but it starts out as just feeling uncomfortable. It can then escalate into full-fledged disrespect with the last step being abuse. It can go on for very long periods of time. You may even explain to the person that you do not like the behavior and they might continue it anyway. In the end, you might end up losing the person from your life. It is up to you. You have to decide, and it is not for another to judge or say that you are wrong.
There is something to be said about * not just seeing and perceiving what we want for our own ego sake * but also seeing and perceiving what others are experiencing as a result of our behavior. It can be worthwhile to check it out.
You can only know or be aware of these things if you do not try to contain THE universe within YOUR universe. The universe is diverse and has very few issues with right and wrong. On the other hand, if you go through your experience unchallenged, you may begin to believe that you have an inside track with God and you may begin thinking that you can determine what is right and what is wrong. You may begin to believe that your opinion in all matters must dictate how the universe works. This will make you vulnerable to much frustration and even anger because, for the most part, the universe works as it wishes and is not dictated by a person’s opinion.
In some ways, this is the beginning of true personal growth – the acknowledgement of otherness in the universe, a willingness to experience the otherness, not as a threat, but as another part of an inclusive universe.
I think that even Oprah is crazy because she believes in karma. If your life is good, I think it is easy to believe in karma. It is certainly an American way of believing, because it allows us to hang onto our materialistic belief systems. It is ironic that Hinduism, the source of the philosophy of karma as a belief system, fits into the American way of life so well. Because we all want to believe that there is some kind of justice, somewhere, somehow and in some way. We want to know that people that are mean, hateful, violent or aggressive will receive vengeance for their hurtful actions towards others. We want people to suffer, when they have brought suffering to us. That is why karma is such a powerful American way of life. It gives us the comfort of knowing that if we can’t get the ‘rat bastard’ in this life, then he may literally be a ‘rat bastard’ in the next life. There is comfort in knowing that hurt will get hurt.
To say that I have done something stupid and therefore must pay the price for my actions, is once again, a human construct. It is no more than opinion and is certainly not fact. If you speed in your car, one consequence is a monetary fine, another consequence is an expensive car crash, another consequence is death and another consequence is nothing. It is possible, even probable that if you drive your car fast, nothing at all will happen to you and you may end up at your destination more quickly than if you did not go over the speed limit.
Are there natural cause and effect relationships? Of course there are. I do not mean to say that there are no causal relationships. What I mean to say is that, we can identify some of these relationships in the physical universe, but I do not believe that anyone can predict these relationships in the psychic, spiritual or psychological worlds. Yes, there are probabilities of behavior, for example, if you treat someone badly for a very long time, eventually they will find a way to leave you. For example, if you exceed the speed limit every time you drive, there is a very high probability that you will receive a speeding ticket and eventually may cause a traffic accident as well.
The reverse is not always true, what I mean by this is that if you never exceed the speed limit, there is no guarantee that you will not be in a traffic accident. You may still end up in an accident even though you follow the law to the letter. This is also why I cannot believe in karma. I have seen very good and very loving people die in very sad and dreadful ways that had nothing to do with who they are or their life. If you are a good person, you have that knowledge as part of your soul, yet you do not have a right to anything else, just because you are a good person.
Please stop telling everyone in the universe that people get what they deserve, they do not get what they deserve. There is no way you can justify giving fatal cancer to a six year old boy. There is no separate set of laws for the young or for the innocent, so you cannot justify a statement that “people get what they deserve.”
For your environment, consider the following:
At the end of the day, your stress is your responsibility. It is your body that will suffer from the effects of high stress. You cannot hope that life will be perfect and then you can get skinny or lower your blood pressure. You must take responsibility for managing your own stress. In the end, you may have to consider a job change or even a vocation change and it’s not the end of the world. Stay centered with yourself and stay focused, you will figure it out.