• Psychology of Life

    Loving Nature…And How it Can Be Lost

    August 17, 2012

    Out of love comes kindness.  Love makes us interpret all things as good.  When we love someone we see their actions as noble, elegant, or even if clumsy “they are trying”.  Loving is a way of seeing people and optimism is a way of seeing life.  Some people have a loving nature.  Most mothers and fathers are instinctively loving towards their children.  It is a good thing too, because humans really do need an unconditionally loving set of eyes to help them through life.

    When people are hurt, they often believe that their pain entitles them to anger (and it does) and they often believe that they can use that anger to attack other people with.  This is not so, in the normal everyday-ness of life.  It is extremely inappropriate to attack other people with your anger, no matter how bad your hurt is. 

    There are a couple of reasons for this, the number one reason is that when we are the most angry is often immediately after the event that caused us pain, if we lash out at this point we are highly likely to include misunderstandings into the experience.  Often people get upset for no good reason except they did not hear something the way that it was meant. 

    The next reason why you should not lash out at someone else because of your pain, is because most often others are not the cause of your pain.  In the rarest of circumstances can you blame your pain specifically on the object of your anger.  Unless someone recklessly hit you with their fist or run over your friend with a car, very seldom does the anger truly match the situation. 

    And here is the other and final piece…like loving someone and being optimistic creates good behavior and blue skies, being angry creates a malicious criticism that may or may not be anchored in reality.  What can happen is that a truly loving person ends up being, acting and living in an angry and bitter way.

    How awful is that?

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  • World Affairs

    Viciousness

    August 17, 2012

    Some people are just vicious.  Visciousness is an over-riding behavior for them.  In any situation they will turn to viciousness.  If they are happy, they will viciously exclude everyone else.  If they are sad they will viciously lash out at those who made them sad.  No matter what, they have a default behavior of viciousness.  I do not think that is sad, however what is sad is that normal and happy human beings do not “get it”.  Normal human beings are cast into a state of disbelief of the viciousness and because of this, they fail to recognize it and they fail to make corrections.  That is why so many women are brutalized and killed by their boyfriends/male partners/husbands each year.  They fail to recognize, acknowledge and correct for viciousness.

    This viciousness is not to be confused with occasional viciousness, which is a whole different thing.  Very good people may sometimes fall prey to very intense feelings and then act viciously.  It is never excusable – by its nature viciousness is unforgivable.  Yet, good people have been known to engage in vicious behavior.  A vicious person is a whole different type of person – and that is where we get confused – we think that it is a mistake, a misinterpretation or an event that will not occur again.  I think that good people, “regular” people should get better at recognizing the former (vicious person) from the latter (good person engaging in a once vicious act).  We must get better at recognizing the difference and ALL of us must get better at this, otherwise, a whole lot of more harm is going to continue to happen to disbelieving and unsuspecting good people.

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  • World Affairs

    I AM NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND THIS!

    August 16, 2012

    Why would any woman vote for a presidential candidate who says, they do not support birth control and want to “do away with Planned Parenthood”?

    Why would any woman in America support that?  Forget about the fact that women are marginalized by paying them less and  by not giving them access to health care.  Forget about the fact that it is women and children who are the majority of those living in poverty.  If you do not belong to one of these groups, then why wouldn’t you support your sister, mother, friend or daughter by supporting presidential candidates who want to take care of women’s health?

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  • Psychology of Life

    Do Not Look to TV or Magazines to Learn About Life…

    August 12, 2012

    You will be very confused.  First of all, we are not all that pretty.  We are certainly not all of that pretty all of the time.  Happy endings are for sometimes, not ALL of the time!    There is so much about life that is mundane and you will certainly never understand that from a TV show.  It is OKAY to be mundane, however if you believe in TV you will think that it is not okay to be mundane.  You will also believe that you must be beautiful and perfectly toned.  You will punish yourself for never being able to accomplish this mythical beauty.  So you will have earned yourself a healthy dose of unhappiness if you believe in TV.

    Many movies are about justice and happiness.  The world is not a just place.  It takes humans to create justice.  If you watch movies you may think that justice will occur.  You will believe that if you go to court, some well meaning people will assure that no injustice will harm you.  Of course, this is not true.  In order to have justice, you must construct it.  Justice occurs only when we make it happen.

    We can, and often do, live in very small places that we call our world.  I think that this is okay.  I also think that it is important to understand that our world is small in comparison to “the” world.  I think that we should have this knowledge as a base for our endeavors.  By acknowledging our limited scope, we will be less judgmental about ourselves (it is okay if you are not pretty and in perfect physical health), and we will be less judgmental about others (yes Europeans are more likely to eat protein for breakfast).

    Being open, being flexible, these are choices that will serve us because we will be able to see beyond ourselves.  Intuitively, you would think that TV would help us with that…

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  • Love and Relationships

    Some People

    August 6, 2012

    Will treat other people like there is no line that they cannot cross.  I always want to tell people who do this that even if you cannot see the line, I promise you, the line is there!  You think it is okay to ignore your friend’s feelings, don’t do it!  You think it is okay to talk over people and ignore what they have to say, don’t do it!  Your person will catch on, or – even more likely, your person knows that you are insensitive and/or lying and is consciously “letting it slide”.  Eventually, you will be sorry that you are an insensitive clod.

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  • World Affairs

    More Dangerous than Evil

    July 24, 2012

    More Dangerous than Evil is for the rest of us to be passive and go along with evil in order to preserve our own personal survival.  This is the lesson of World War II and all of the practiced genocides which have occurred since then.

    Please don’t get me wrong, I do not dismiss the heroes.  There are countless heroes.  However, the current mortgage crisis shows us that there are many more people who are willing and able to be passive and even active for their own selfish gains or because they perceive an inability to survive excepting their current situation.  Many people believe that if they do not stay quiet about their boss’s cheating – not only will they lose their current job, but they risk a life time of work as they become labeled a whistle blower.  Let’s face it, people with integrity and willingness to speak out are in the very minor minority.

    I know and understand the complete and abject panic one can feel when employed by a very bad person, there is a strong possibility that you will end up on the streets within a very small amount of time.  More and more, people are forced to swallow their integrity so that they can feed their family.

    How do you know when this passivity is ridiculously over the line?  Well in the case of head Coach Joe Paterno and his friend Jerry Sandusky, how could you NOT know that the line was crossed?  How can Joe Paterno have believed that his wealth and the institution of Pennsylvania State was more important than the health and welfare of human beings.  Can we say Nazi?

    Millions of people around the world sat idly by while the Nazis committed awful atrocities on human bodies and then committed millions of murders.  As humans, didn’t we learn anything?  What stories were people telling themselves to ignore the truth?

    What stories did the staff at Penn State tell themselves?  Courtesy of the internet and emails, we understand that Joe Paterno and his board cronies had decided that Penn State as a football icon was much more important than the children that Sandusky was raping.  So why didn’t they fire him and get rid of him, why not?  Why instead was he able to use the university as his cover to continue committing crimes?   Why?

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  • Philosophy,  Psychology of Life

    Get A Clue…

    July 10, 2012

    I was reading a blog the other day and apparently it is written by a young fashionista.  Well, anyone can blog and I certainly have nothing negative to say about that.  Free speaking is awesome.

    I don’t even want to say “walk a mile in my shoes” or “think before you speak”.  These are all examples of good and nice advice.  Yet, what I really want to say instead is “get a clue”.  Here is what prompted that: this young lady, who has never faced a challenge in her life, took it upon herself to criticize women for wearing comfortable clothing to work instead of opting for high fashion.  This young lady made a comment to the effect that having a bureaucratic job is no reason to be un-fashionable.  Her statements were derogatory, but I won’t quote.

    Here is my issue with her: It is quite alright to me that silly young women spend every spare dime on the latest frippery from the fashion houses that manufacture everything in China for 25 cents – that is absolutely fine.  What is NOT alright with me is for people to extend that silliness to criticizing others.  How egocentric is it to say, my style of living is “the only” style that is correct.  “Other people do not know how to live correctly, only I know what is correct.”  That is the message given when I speak negatively to you about how you are doing something as important as how you dress.

    Here is what this young lady needs to know: we face challenges in life and we cannot always look and act as if our life is one big fashion show, it is not.  Very few human beings get to live by conducting fashion shows.  We just don’t get that luxury.  I have no problem with this young lady pretending like she and her friends can live that life.   Just leave other women out of it. Some women are entitled to comfort with a blessing from others, they may have just given birth, or be dealing with a sick child or recently lost a loved one.  Trust me, the reasons for taking a time-out from fashion are as numerous as the stars.  Don’t criticize, don’t be derogatory.  It is okay for people to be different than you.  And especially this: young people, wait!  All will be revealed to you in time, including why women will sometimes opt for comfort rather than fashion.

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  • Personal Growth

    Who is Responsible for your Mood and Attitude?

    July 5, 2012

    I have been lucky in my life.  At very important times in my life, the right book, the right preacher, the right inspiration somehow found its way into my life.  A couple of years ago when I was cleaning up I had to give away a dozen inspirational books because I felt guilty about holding them, they had served me so well that I had to pass them on to others.

    What I see is that people kind of go along like I have, but are mostly not as lucky as I have been.  They get down and then they stay that way.  So the bad feeling that started in an evening on a Thursday in July turns into a lifelong sadness, regret or grief.  Not to say that people should not ever feel bad.  Just that feelings, particularly bad ones, can get completely out of control and drag on and on.

    As my sister says, we must be proactive with our mood and that comes from our attitude.  Instead of waiting for the right book to fall into your lap or the right person to cross your path, you must go looking.  You must go to the book store and particularly look for inspirational works.  Anything that makes you feel good when you are reading it is an inspirational work.  Anything that speaks to your better self is inspirational.  You must actively seek it.  When looking for inspiration at church, I once went to 12 different churches to find the right fit.  I felt very strongly that after the church service was over, I should feel better, not worse.  It took a long time for me to find the right church to make that happen.

    If you are feeling down, depressed, angry, sad, resentful, there are 1,382 ways for you to change that.  Go find one.

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  • Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life

    Gratitude

    July 2, 2012

    I can’t stress the importance of gratitude enough.  I have just spent lunch with one more person who tells me that gratitude is what pulls her through.

    When I am really down, I will write my gratitude list every single day.  Sometimes, I don’t need to write it, I can just think it.  Overall, it is SO important to remember gratitude.  For today, I am grateful for my health.  What are you grateful for?

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