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Get A Clue…
I was reading a blog the other day and apparently it is written by a young fashionista. Well, anyone can blog and I certainly have nothing negative to say about that. Free speaking is awesome.I don’t even want to say “walk a mile in my shoes” or “think before you speak”. These are all examples of good and nice advice. Yet, what I really want to say instead is “get a clue”. Here is what prompted that: this young lady, who has never faced a challenge in her life, took it upon herself to criticize women for wearing comfortable clothing to work instead of opting for high fashion. This young lady made a comment to the effect that having a bureaucratic job is no reason to be un-fashionable. Her statements were derogatory, but I won’t quote.
Here is my issue with her: It is quite alright to me that silly young women spend every spare dime on the latest frippery from the fashion houses that manufacture everything in China for 25 cents – that is absolutely fine. What is NOT alright with me is for people to extend that silliness to criticizing others. How egocentric is it to say, my style of living is “the only” style that is correct. “Other people do not know how to live correctly, only I know what is correct.” That is the message given when I speak negatively to you about how you are doing something as important as how you dress.
Here is what this young lady needs to know: we face challenges in life and we cannot always look and act as if our life is one big fashion show, it is not. Very few human beings get to live by conducting fashion shows. We just don’t get that luxury. I have no problem with this young lady pretending like she and her friends can live that life. Just leave other women out of it. Some women are entitled to comfort with a blessing from others, they may have just given birth, or be dealing with a sick child or recently lost a loved one. Trust me, the reasons for taking a time-out from fashion are as numerous as the stars. Don’t criticize, don’t be derogatory. It is okay for people to be different than you. And especially this: young people, wait! All will be revealed to you in time, including why women will sometimes opt for comfort rather than fashion.
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Who is Responsible for your Mood and Attitude?
I have been lucky in my life. At very important times in my life, the right book, the right preacher, the right inspiration somehow found its way into my life. A couple of years ago when I was cleaning up I had to give away a dozen inspirational books because I felt guilty about holding them, they had served me so well that I had to pass them on to others.What I see is that people kind of go along like I have, but are mostly not as lucky as I have been. They get down and then they stay that way. So the bad feeling that started in an evening on a Thursday in July turns into a lifelong sadness, regret or grief. Not to say that people should not ever feel bad. Just that feelings, particularly bad ones, can get completely out of control and drag on and on.
As my sister says, we must be proactive with our mood and that comes from our attitude. Instead of waiting for the right book to fall into your lap or the right person to cross your path, you must go looking. You must go to the book store and particularly look for inspirational works. Anything that makes you feel good when you are reading it is an inspirational work. Anything that speaks to your better self is inspirational. You must actively seek it. When looking for inspiration at church, I once went to 12 different churches to find the right fit. I felt very strongly that after the church service was over, I should feel better, not worse. It took a long time for me to find the right church to make that happen.
If you are feeling down, depressed, angry, sad, resentful, there are 1,382 ways for you to change that. Go find one.
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Gratitude
I can’t stress the importance of gratitude enough. I have just spent lunch with one more person who tells me that gratitude is what pulls her through.When I am really down, I will write my gratitude list every single day. Sometimes, I don’t need to write it, I can just think it. Overall, it is SO important to remember gratitude. For today, I am grateful for my health. What are you grateful for?
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S/he keeps speaking to everyone as if s/he knows everything and you know there is just no need for anyone else’s thoughts but his/her own.
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David Parker, A Moment in 2008
It was once tranquil, blossoming with life,With days telling truths to utopia,
Neighboring nights of clear skies, stars were rife,
Just seen by those cursed with myopia.
For among the flowers, the black rose grows,
The sun infected before the twilight,
Cause the weary moon with doubt that arose,
Though, the meadow below keeps with the fight.
The outskirts of the field remain lambent,
As the rose consumes more, the light thrives yet,
New life thrusts right through, without circumvent,
In time it will consume the silhouette.
True light is born by breaking through the dark,
New plants will grow, trees will thicken their bark.
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Perception is Reality
But, only in the therapist’s office and only on the Dr. Phil show. Perception is important, but it is not the truth and to say that it is is to deny reasoning people the opportunity to discuss matters and come to the truth in a situation. For example, we use our legal system to help us with this chore thousands of times per day.So often, people cannot talk their way through difficult situations and difficult feelings. When communication does not happen, then we are left with our perception which is our own way of thinking that purposes from our own selves. That is why it is so important for communication to actually occur between two people. When we are left with only our perception, it is often flawed by what we have decided is true about the world. Often our perception stems out of our feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness, or conversely an over-inflated sense of our own importance and need for self-indulgence. Perception is a one way street without discovery and without discussion and input from others.
This is only one reason why discussion is important. Other people help us through with discussions because humans have a habit of thinking themselves down a slippery slope. It is the world famous discussion that we have with ourselves when we truly want something and don’t believe it is possible. Being able to speak with others is often a source of inspiration and faith. It is a fact that society and community shapes lives. For example; it is a fact that teenagers who attend churches with teen on teen activities are much less likely to pick up drugs in their lifetime.
So, next time you hear the term “Perception is Reality” realize that you are either 1. in a therapist’s office 2. on the Dr. Phil show or 3. speaking with someone who really does not want to communicate ;).
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Never Judge and Criticize Anyone: If You Do, It Pretty Much Guarantees That You Will Have to Walk Through That Person’s Particular Hell
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Choice is an Event That Must Be Maintained
In our lifetimes, we do not make that one choice and then that is it. Wish that it were, but life is not that simple. As an example, marriage is an ongoing choice that you must maintain in order for the marriage to be successful. It is not enough to choose your mate and then proceed to the big public event called wedding, you must also then continue to choose your mate long after the ceremony is over. If you are lying to your partner, then you are NOT choosing your mate, you are choosing something / someone else. Marriage is a relationship that fails with dishonesty. If you are abusive towards your partner, again, you are not choosing your mate, you are choosing something else, because the relationship will fail in the face of abusive practice. It is a moment by moment opportunity, you can change your choice in the next moment and end your relationship, if that is your choice.Choosing to be healthy is like that. On January First you may choose to be healthy and lose weight, however, you must re-choose to be healthy every single day, 3 or 4 or even 10 times per day. This is the difficulty with choosing, many people do not understand that the first choice is only the beginning and there will be many challenges to success. Challenges will take many forms; often, when your commitment is to yourself, then the challenge will come FROM you. Being successful requires us to continue to re-choose our commitments. Sometimes that means that we must work with our own contrary nature, or our own analytic efforts at distraction or destruction. Make no mistake, in order to be successful in our commitment, we must re-choose, over and over again.
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“Junk” and “Stylish” New Furniture
I’ve got to say that I do not think that there is a difference between “junk” and “new”. I’ve long ago noticed that designers invent a new color and a new curlicue, every single year. The reason they do this is to motivate people to buy new, in order to be “hip”. Stylists date, furniture, clothing and even sheets in this manner. The other point here is how we, as Americans, interpret ourselves based on our belongings. We actually invest our personal self value in our material wealth.If you have an old piece of furniture that your grandma once owned and this piece of furniture is NOT an antique, then what is it? It is furniture that says “I’m broke and I cannot afford to pick out what I want.” On the other hand, if you acquire something that stylists say is this year’s color and has this year’s curlicue, then you may show it proudly to your friends and pronounce “I can afford keeping up with the Jones-es.”
This kind of perception is powerful buying motivation for people. This is the perception that keeps furniture stores busy and clothing stores swamped with customers. It’s interesting, because in the end, no one is better off except the people who own stores and manufacturers. Our normal and everyday self does not benefit from a new piece of furniture in any way. There are those that say that new clothing is a nice ego boost, and I can’t argue with that. But, I can ask, and do you need a new ego boost every week?
The point is, that business owners using a thing called marketing, via TV, internet and print, convince people that they are “better” via a concept called wealth and that humans should prove their wealth by purchasing things. As a result of all of this purchasing, we own thousands of square miles of something called “Storage Space” and tens of thousands of square miles of something called “Garbage Dump”. It’s not productive and it saps energy, but there it is, too much stuff…