The Prime Directive

For purposes of this discussion, the prime directive is that which is true about human behavior that sources from a primal place governed by DNA and God.  My sister and I argued about it for years.  My sister believes that the prime directive explains why we choose the mates that we choose and even why we mate.  Well the part about why we mate, I can agree with – but the part about who we choose to mate with – well that was hard to swallow.  Here’s why, I’ve always been one of those deciders, I decide about my life.  I think long and hard about who to marry, I agonize over it, choose, think and rethink and then when I am done with all of that, I will make a pro and con list.  I will write such a list that it takes pages and pages to include all of the details.  This list making, this deciding has always given me a sense of control over my life.  It’s up to me!  I am the one who decides how I shall live, I am the one who makes up my world, who makes up the universe that I reside in.

Uh, maybe not.

Alright, I’ll try to maintain some anonymity by saying I have three sisters and I won’t say which one I am speaking about.  If you are related to me you know who I am talking about and you are sworn to secrecy.  Here is what my sister and I argued about.  I got a divorce after 20 some odd years of marriage and she stayed in her marriage.  Now she married a big good looking guy and produced some very fine, strong and absolutely beautiful children – as did I.  She would often say that she felt compelled to be with him and that once when they were separated (for a year) the only man that she was attracted to was him.  She explained this phenomenon by saying that there was something primal about her attraction and she had no control over it.  I objected because I had “thought” my way through a divorce and had moved on to a new life.  In other words, for me, there is no attraction that can, could or should define my universe.  Being attracted to a man was not going to define my world, trust me, I was very attracted to my husband – but it couldn’t keep me married to him.

So here we are a decade later and now she is proceeding with changing her universe and no amount of attraction to her mate is going to keep her in place.  In the meantime, I’ve gone and done what she did.  Which is to say, attached myself to a big good looking man and followed my prime directive of attraction.  There are no offspring, indeed, I am done with all of that, but there is this attraction which is reminiscent of the old days.

Now that my sister and I are going through menopause there is a tremendous shift in our bodies which is affecting the brain.  Suddenly, I am willing to see my sister’s point BUT only because the original prime directive is now ABSENT.  I don’t care about mating and neither does she.  I could not admit to the presence of the prime directive because I was IN it.  I am now able to see it, because it clearly recedes from my presence in a physical, mental and emotional way.  I am done with breeding and nurturing, it’s just plain going away.

So does the “prime directive” exist?  That’s my question.  Are we compelled by forces that we do not acknowledge on a “thinking” level?  If so, how does that relate to destiny.  It seems to me that destiny is something different, destiny is when the external universe lines up to push you in a certain direction.  A prime directive seems to be an internal mechanism that pushes you into a certain direction.  So, are you hard wired to go for a certain type of man or certain type of woman?  Are you hard wired to breed, or can you avoid the pitfalls of mating – with those who are incompatible with your psyche?

Go figure, ’cause I’m just not sure…