Lots of people are not trustable and it is sometimes very difficult to tell who they are. The next issue is that I want to trust them. I want them to be in my life, or they are in my life out of necessity and happenstance and I don’t know what to do with the knowledge that they are selfish and irresponsible to our relationship. I keep trying to make things different and have the inevitable experience of disappointment.
I even have a sign in my office that says “quit expecting and then being disappointed.” Again and again, I reach out to those that do not like me, those that enjoy doing me harm, those who are comfortable with causing discomfort. I believe that if we need to be together because of necessity or happenstance, that we should be happy together. The only other way to be is suspicious and guarded and I DO NOT WANT THAT.
So, how do I stay somewhere in the middle? I don’t want to be paranoid and avoid everyone and I don’t want to be the stupid patsy who gets tricked over and over again by letting people in?
If I know that you do not wish me well, and yet, you must be in my life, how do I treat you? How do I treat you after you have caused damage and pain to me? How do I treat you from day to day, when I understand fully that you would harm me if you could?
I know this: I harm myself when I invite you in. Over and over again you reject me, I try no more.