Lessons Learned
I was shaken to the core the other day sitting at Y-not waiting on a cappuccino and some gelato with the boys…
Jaxsun my oldest son grabbed a peppermint and a toothpick as we walked in the restaurant as he usually does when we go there on our dates for dessert. No big deal. Right? WRONG!
As we’re sitting there talking. I’m on the inside of the booth across from Jax with Cai next to me I look up and Jax is holding his throat gasps and says “I’m choking HELP ME mom” may the lord strike me dead I flew out of that booth with a fierceness sending my youngest son flying across the restaurant in panic to assist my first born!
I frantically looked for water I pushed on his chest a little I got up screamed for water as the crazy person I was I came back to Jax after I ran and got his drink! He drank it and threw up the lodged peppermint onto the table!!
The 45 seconds this potential nightmare was occurring a million thoughts raced through my brain! I felt the most immense feelings of helplessness as I watch in agony my son scared and suffering! Looking at me for salvation! I should snap my fingers and fix it! Make this potential nightmare Magically go away! The words ” HELP ME MOM” burn my soul! I realized the peppermint was lodged it scared him and it hurt him & he thought he was choking. He was not but:
What if he had actually inhaled it and I had to perform CPR. What If there wasn’t medical students sitting at the table next to me? What if we were alone at home and all he had was me??? I should know what to do! I should be all he needs in those moments!
I thought I knew the basics of CPR but in that very moment I realized I was not 100% confident on what to do! Before I realized it was lodged I was thinking about how to perform CPR… What if things were different he did inhale it and in that time of me thinking and not acting it was too late!
I’m not being morbid I’m being realistic! I can not control everything! I know that! I can’t control my sons actions or their decisions when they’re not with me… I can instill the morals they’ll need to make them! So they can protective themselves when I’m not there..
I can however control myself! I take pride in being a strong parental figure to look up to for my sons! One of the many reasons the gym is important to me! I stabilize my mental and emotional self all the while physically getting stronger in case of a zombie apocalypse!
Feeling helpless as a mother with the extension of your heart and soul walking around in human forms will never go away!
One of my sons getting hurt or possibly worse over something I should know and be able to control is unacceptable!!! I’m taking this soul shaking event as a blessing and a lesson learned! I am beside myself in great appreciation to have the opportunity to say “what if!” With that being said….
I’ll be taking a CPR class this Saturday!!
On another note:
Cai And Jax quickly forgot the scariest life event mommy has ever had the displeasure of experiencing as they sat next to me ate and enjoyed their gelatos laughing as I grasped them tightly holding back tears trying to drink my cappuccino while my hand shook the contents out of my mug attempting to makes it’s way to my face…. 😳