• Personal Growth,  Philosophy

    It Angers Me

    June 15, 2011

    When you make decisions which you are unhappy about.  I think to myself and even to you “Well, then, make a different decision!”  But you do not.  You make the decision and then you tell everyone how much you suffer because of the decision.  I say “Why?”

    You make a decision and sometimes it is very bad and then you are upset because the outcome is awful.  Sometimes the outcome does not reveal itself for decades.  I am sorry, I am sorry if you wasted your life.  I am sorry for those decisions that make you so unhappy today.  I cannot regret, it is for you to regret.  You are so unhappy.  Even though your decisions do not affect me, they do.  I love you and when you are sad and angry, I am hurt for you.  I love you.  Make good decisions – or – acquire acceptance.  I don’t know, something.

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  • Philosophy,  Speaking as a Parent

    Jaxsun and his Father

    May 30, 2011

    The roads we travel are infinite possibilities that take us into sometimes surprising and pleasant places.  Jaxsun is my grandson and next week he will be 2 years old.  I am watching he and his father in the backyard swimming pool and I am marveling at the word relationship.  Jaxsun clearly and completely trusts his father to keep him safe.  This trust allows Jaxsun to be daring and brave.  Jaxsun’s father is completely content with his child.  He is both fascinated and engaged with everything that Jaxsun does.  There is an intense kind of beauty and love that seems to balloon around them like a sun dappled sphere.  Jaxsun’s father ducks under the water and Jaxsun puts his hands on him to pull him up and then they talk in a strange kind of baby-speak about blowing bubbles and accomplishing things.

    Whatever road brings us here, whatever it is that makes me privileged enough to get to watch unadulterated love in its process, whatever the reasons why:  It doesn’t matter.  This moment is enough all by itself.

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  • It is What it is...

    Loyalty: Not a “Fair Weather” Concept

    May 20, 2011

    Loyalty is kind of like commitment in terms of its definition.  Here is why, you can’t define loyalty unless and until you really need it.  If you are in a relationship which currently requires no challenge, for example, a relatively new relationship between a supervisor and subordinate, or even a new love relationship, you have no need for loyalty.   You have the thrill of newness, you have the fun and excitement of learning about each other and there are very few challenges to a new relationship.   Loyalty does not come up as a subject of conversation because you don’t have to try hard to be in a pleasant new relationship.

    I need loyalty when I am weak.  If I am strong and powerful, I do not need loyalty, because in that position I need no help.  I only need loyalty when the world is awry and I need assistance to get by.  When I am strong and powerful I do not need your help, loyalty will not benefit me as it is UN-necessary.

    Here is the truth about loyalty (and commitment) the only time it is necessary is when times are really tough and it is difficult to give it.  Like Judas to Jesus, when challenged, Judas backed down.  When it’s easy – loyalty abounds, when it is not, loyalty is scarce.  That is why I say that loyalty is not a fair weather concept, you only use it when it is raining.  That is also why, it is rare, because strong people will use loyalty and the weak will back down…

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  • It is What it is...,  Management

    Is Your Physical Body

    April 30, 2011

    A manifestation of your emotional and mental self?  I wonder about this sometimes as I watch folks who are mean and lazy and their physical manifestation is fat and ugly.

    Wouldn’t that be wonderful if you could tell who would be mean by how ugly a person is?  We could all run away from the ugly person so as not to get meanness on our psyche…  Not so though, physical ugliness does not always equate to meanness…

    God made this world complicated, didn’t she?

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  • Philosophy

    Black Swan

    April 11, 2011

    Was a horrible movie.  It is all about everything that is wrong and bad about the human condition.  It is grotesque with very little attachment to human reality.  It also exhibits all that is wrong with motherhood, friendship and the male’s need to have sex with anyone who is young and slender.  It is an awful movie.  Everything is wrong and the ending is painful.

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  • It is What it is...

    I Do Not Suffer Betrayal Well

    March 30, 2011

    It always hurts my feelings to be betrayed, Always.  You would think that a 52 year old woman would have been betrayed every which way but Sunday – I haven’t, I’m still learning.  When you look at me and you smile and then you turn away from me and tell your friend that you do not like me or that I am ugly and I dress funny, I call that betrayal.  And, it hurts.

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  • Love and Relationships

    Advice to the World Weary

    March 29, 2011

    So my friends ask me how do you meet men and then…how do you keep a man?  I do not believe that it has anything to do with looks.  I don’t believe that pretty women have more men than ugly or fat women.  I think meeting and keeping men is an internal construct that has a lot to do with how you see yourself and what you believe about yourself.  There are two key beliefs that you must have in order to meet men and keep men.

    Number one is this: I love falling in love, I love being in love and I love staying in love.  These are three different processes and require three different ways of being.  Number two is this: your internal construct of yourself must be someone who can be a part of a couple.  If you are a lone ranger, then you cannot be part of a couple, if you are a maniacal diva, you cannot be part of a couple.  Plain and simple, you must be able to see yourself as part of a two.

    Number one, falling in love: the first person you must fall in love with is yourself.  You must know that you are beautiful and that you have the best traits that you believe you should have.  Be aware of all about you that is lovely, profound, and clever.  What you do have must be identified and applauded.  Dig out all the information that you can dig out about you and then consciously appreciate it.  By appreciating yourself, you become capable of giving yourself in your full glory to someone else.  See this: I love falling, being and staying in love.  Note that I say I love… these are all things that I want to do.  You must consciously say I want to love, if you want to meet a man and keep a man.  You must make a commitment to the process if it is something that you really want in your life.

    Number two, your internal construct must be congruent with being in a couple.  If you are fiercely independent, is there really room in your life for a man?  If you are a diva; is there really room in your life for anyone else besides yourself?  Do you feel good about yourself?  Can you give your goodness to someone else?  Are you available to caring for yourself enough to be loved?  You can only have another if you are willing to be loved, and you can only be willing if you firmly believe that you are worth being loved.  It’s not an easy row to hoe.  I say love, which is the most rewarding experience there is, is also one of the most difficult.  You must be a willing heart who believes in love.  You must also believe in yourself.  Can you?  Do you?

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  • Psychology of Life

    He Brought His Grief With Him

    March 16, 2011

    He brought his grief with him.  He apologized for interrupting me.  He was completely unconscious of his thoughts and emotions.  I think that he believed that if he could control the universe that is visible to him that he could ultimately control his universe.  He brought his grief with him.  It weighed heavily in the air and when he sat across from me I could feel my chest contract and the breathlessness followed.  My eyes teared up as if it was my own grief.  He told me that people did not understand.  I do not wish to feel his grief but it pervades the atmosphere like humidity, it is heavy and its weight is laying on all of the surfaces in my office.  The round conference table stands between us and I am grateful for its presence.  The conference table stands as an anchor to reality in a world where people die and spiritual things happen which have no physical explanation.

    He tells me again that “people do not understand, they think I am taking this too well.”  I am thinking to myself that I do not see how anyone could mistake this man’s grief.  How could anyone not see how heavily his grief lays upon all things?  As this man walks, his grief precedes him.  I am thinking that he apologizes for interrupting me, but he should apologize for bringing his grief with him.  As he speaks to me, I feel his grief.  My eyes tear up.  Then I remember my own mother’s death, there are no specifics and no details, it is simply a matter of the grief.  He speaks to me some more and his words are not important.  Again I feel my eyes burning; it hurts to be near him.  I wish for him to go away.  I know that there are things that I may do to help him, but first he must go away.  I will help him when my intellect returns to replace my grief – my grief that is his grief.

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