• Psychology of Life

    Jesus is My Hero

    Yet, I am a child of God also. And if you read the words of Jesus, you know that he considers himself and all humans as children of God. Jesus does not see himself as special or magic. Instead, he lifts everyone up proclaiming that we are all capable of any duty or chore that Jesus himself accomplishes.

    Photo by João Amadi on Unsplash

    Trust me, if Jesus were alive today, he would be as angry with Christians as he was with Jews (in the time of Romans). There is no question that Religion has failed us in every way. Jesus would be the first to tell us that we have failed him and his message.

    Religion…

    Religion was never to be the touchstone of belief. Belief was to be measured in our acts: our acts of love and redemption. Never were our beliefs to be measured by our fealty to a church and a religion. Giving money to a church has never been a means into God’s heart and home.

    So, to my understanding, humans built an entire religion around another human (Jesus), who stated emphatically for us not to do so.

    For this religion, around the world, which has caused so many wars and so much pain, now, in this century, is the richest of all the richest. Matthew 19:23 “Verily I say unto you, That a rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew19:24 “and again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.”

    Against all teachings of Jesus Christ, the religions rose up and began gathering money. They gathered so much money that they hardly knew what to do with all of it. The Vatican is one such example of this ridiculous wealth. Ridiculous because it is against the founder’s words, ridiculous because its function does not benefit humans.

    Homeless Person Sleeping
    Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

    Where are we? What’s next? Church attendance is low. More importantly, the role of the church is now being scrutinized by all of those abused by the leaders of the church. Scrutiny is appropriate, as we need to dig out the dirty and sick underbelly of organized religion. Preachers, priests, pastors and rabbis used their authority to take advantage of the young.

    The Road Ahead…

    Not only have the great religions been abandoned by the young, all see that they have become evil – a place where bad things happen, and greed abounds.

    While Jesus has always been my hero; Christianity has failed and more so, religion has failed and that is all religions, including Judaism. Childhood sexual abuse is so common in both religions: Christianity and Judaism. The acquisition of ridiculous amounts of wealth has run rampant for both religions. What now? Old white men expressing their sexual needs and their greed, have led us all into damnation.

    We can see individual kindness, but it isn’t good enough to overlook the sins of the religions. What do we do? Where do we go now?

    There is no question that humanity needs a moral compass. The ten commandments have served us well – yet only insofar as EVERYONE feels governed by them. This is not the case. Men often feel that these commandments do not apply to their own journeys. Even while Moses promulgated “do not commit adultery”, Moses committed adultery.

    It’s time for us to rise up to the occasion and promulgate a new ten commandments that is inclusive and that everyone will believe applies singularly to themselves. It is time to create a broad and new moral compass for all of humankind.

    Instead of a “white man” bringing “down” commandments from the mountaintop, how about if human beings all agreed on a few rules that apply to everyone without regard to race, gender and wealth?

    Un-Religion

    What if we can all agree about what is right and proper behavior? Save those agreements for big things that apply to all, not for the small and petty rules of the social classes.

    • We could all agree on non-violence.
    • We can all agree on not murdering one another.
    • We can all agree that honesty serves our highest good.
    • We can all agree that wholeness and integrity are important human principles.
    • Lastly, we can all agree that we must change our awareness of Earth to one of abundance.
    • We cannot continue living the lie of scarcity. Scarcity encourages greed.

    We humans need each other, and in that need, we must come to terms with our interdependence. The Earth is one whole and the lives upon the Earth are only part of that one. By understanding the oneness in our lives, we can finally see the price we have paid for acting as if we are separate beings. Hurting others is only possible if you believe that you are separate from the other.

    Jesus told us most of these things. We need to listen to those words and then we need to move on. It’s time to form a new reality for our future.

  • Personal Growth,  Philosophy,  Psychology of Life,  Spirituality

    A New Understanding or/

    Your Soul is Not Physical

    Your soul is the collection of all of the things that make you, you. They are collected together to make you from the life force of DNA and all of your ancestors who walked before you. This collection is no accident and no mistake. The collective unconscious brings everything to life in this place called Earth.

    Unknown Source

    To make you, you, a collection of characteristics describes and define you. All characteristics occur on a scale. You have all, we all have all: love, hate, generosity, greed, good and evil. You may be like Mother Teresa, one who has 95% love and only 0.1% of hate. You may be like Jeffrey Dahmer, 95% hate and 0.1% love. All other characteristics squeezed into the middle.

    Your characteristics are a unique combination that is you. Your DNA helped to bring your combination to you. Our DNA is the way that our ancestors bring the characteristics to us. Even our intelligence and critical thinking skills come to us in this way.

    These characteristics can shrink, or increase based on our nurturing and yet these characteristics do not go away. Who can say why the child grows into a drug addict, a doctor, a cheater, or a lover? The DNA can bring the very strongest selfishness into being and the child, while capable of love, will always default to this selfishness. The parent will have difficulty with this child and even the most loving parent can falter in the face of such selfishness. The most loving of children can be brutalized and beaten beyond recognition and then become brutes themselves. Their loving nature can be buried under the pain and anguish that is their life.

    Those who are self-aware can use the knowledge to see through the perfect veil of people who live in society.

    Eclipse
    JB Collection

    There is every possibility of characteristic combination alive today. There is a schizophrenic man who is also hateful and mean. There is a Down’s syndrome woman who is loving and kind and yet also greedy and obese. Every combination of characteristics can exist and each characteristic lives on a scale. The scale can be overwhelming as in the case of a serial killer or negligible as in the case of selfishness that is negligible to nonexistent.

    So, how does this relate to our spiritual selves? This collection of energies that you are, this life force that defines you in your physical self, can dissipate once you pass away. Your energies do not keep the form that you had as a physical body. Your energies are free to form again, perhaps into something else, perhaps into another human with a different set of characteristics. Your physical self never exists again.

    The Soul Touches
    JB Collection

    Your soul is the combined life energies of your characteristics and your life experiences as a human. Your soul is an energy life force that is housed in your physical body. When your physical body leaves your soul life force, your life force can dissipate and become many energies. Your love does not die, the energy of your lovingness moves on.

  • Hmmm...,  Psychology of Life

    My Writing Left Me

    I don’t know what happened, my writing left me. My writing comes at me, sometimes forcefully. I must write and I must write often. Somehow, it was gone last month, only shortly, but there it was, not there.

    I didn’t want to write. Sometimes concepts would come, yet there they would go. In the background of my brain, I feel a coalescence of concepts growing. It goes forward on it’s own. It is as if I already know what I will write, yet it does not come to me.

    February has always been a powerful month for me. Life changing. Maybe those thoughts are what was crowding my brain. I don’t know. But…

    The writing is back.

    Golden March
    Golden March JB Collection
  • Psychology of Life

    20 Ways to Change Your Life in 2020

    It’s the New Year and we are all ready to change our lives! I’m making 2020 the easiest year to change your life by giving you 20 Ways to make it happen.

    To change your life, say yes to Love.

    Love centers every interaction with calmness. When you love everyone, it changes how you think of them. It changes how you think of yourself.

    To change your life, say yes to Abundance.

    The world is full of abundance and anything you can wish for is available. Believing in abundance gives you abundance. Commit to challenging and changing beliefs that limit you by being about scarcity.

    To change your life, say yes to Honesty.

    Lies are obvious, you must be in denial to believe them. It is hectic and stressful to sustain lies, even if you are the receiving party. Honesty is easier and healthier. I dive deeper into honesty in this article, or refer to this book on the justification of lies.

    To change your life, say yes to Responsibility.

    Responsibility will bring you security. When you decide on responsibility, you give yourself a home and something to build upon. Do your part for those you love. If that means doing dishes, or picking up your dirty socks, do it!

    Change your life with Nature in 2020
    Mermaid Walking

    To change your life, say yes to Action.

    Procrastination stops you from accomplishment, why indulge in procrastination? Step out of your own traps and complete your chores. Adopt the mantra “20 ways to change your life in 2020” to combat procrastination.

    To change your life, say yes to Boundaries.

    When you work, work.

    When you play, play.

    Circumscribe your activities with purpose.

    Consciously choose what you absorb.

    Focus on the moment, in the moment.

    To change your life, say yes to Relaxation with a purpose.

    Find your relaxation response, explore meditation, or yoga, or massage and acupuncture.  Whatever your relaxation response is, use it.

    To change your life, say yes to Yourself.

    If you need to rest and recuperate, “No” is a complete sentence, say it.

    Rest is one of 20 ways to change your life in 2020
    Darkness is for Resting

    Say yes to getting rid of your mad.

    One event deserves only one mad: spend it wisely. 

    Don’t regurgitate your mad over and over and over again. 

    Once you have completed your mad, move on and don’t dwell. What you pay attention to absorbs your energy. You don’t want anger to be your calling card.

    Where your attention goes, energy flows.

    To change your life, say yes to Forgiveness

    It has been said that unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. Science tells us that unforgiveness leads to bitterness and that bitterness kills. Emmett Fox is the spiritual thought leader with extensive writing on forgiveness. If you want to explore the idea of forgiveness more, check out his book on Amazon.

    To change your life, say yes to Self Love.

    Be loving to yourself in thoughts, words and deeds.

    Do whatever it takes to remind yourself that you matter and deserve love just for being you.

    Don’t deny your true worth.

    Do what you know is best for you.

    To change your life, say yes to Self Care.

    Stay on top of your stress, be aware of consequences of stress and take measures to ameliorate your stress! The 20 ways to change your life in 2020 is all about self care, you can incorporate any one of the ways into your self care routing.

    Self Care is one of the 20 Ways to Change your life in 2020
    Self Care

    To change your life, say yes to Respect for yourself and others.

    All interactions become positive with the addition of respect.

    To change your life, say yes to Oneness.

    Allow yourself to see that your spirit is a part of the whole; when you see this, your place in the universe becomes infinite and purposeful.

    To change your life, say yes to Non-Violence.

    Violence can be verbal, physical, mental or emotional.  Leave violence behind to live longer and to keep your loved ones close.  Violence separates humans from each other.

    To change your life, say yes to Integrity.

    The definition of integrity is the state of being whole and undivided.  How wonderful it is to be clear and purposeful about your decisions in life?

    To change your life, say yes to Imperfection.

    Perfection will cost you your peace of mind.  Allowing yourself to embrace the ups and downs of life will give you freedom.

    Accept that you are perfectly imperfect.

    To change your life, say yes to Communication.

    Don’t leave relationship pain hanging. Pain leads to bitterness and we already know what bitterness does to us.

    Communication is one of 20 ways to change your life in 2020
    Unknown source

    To change your life, say yes to Present.

    Say good-by to the past. Science tells us that our memories are unreliable; it just doesn’t pay to look back and second-guess yesterday.

    To change your life, say yes to Sleep.

    Put your phone in the kitchen every night. The only exceptions are family member hospitalization, stock market in Japan or teenager out at a party. These exceptions are singular in nature, you can still place your phone in the kitchen at all other times.

    Calmness is one of 20 ways to change your life in 2020
    Waves and Sunset
  • Economy of Effort,  Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life

    Top Five Tips to Create Goals and Accomplish Them Over the Next 365 Days

    JB Collection

    Goal Setting for 2020

    For personal goal setting it pays to have a bit of practicality. For example, if you are not an athlete, you don’t want to try to run a marathon in 4 weeks or less, it just won’t work. Most athletes will plan for a marathon for 3 to 5 months.

    It should be a “stretch”. It should be something special, something you have wanted to do and have just not been able to do, for whatever reason.

    Because it is a special goal, something that you want, you should be able to apply AbC: All by Commitment, you really want it, so you make a promise to yourself to get it done (broken promises eat away at your self-worth). If you can’t bring yourself to commitment, then give it up. Your internal voice will let you know if your goal is viable or not. Caveat: don’t overthink this!

    The reason for commitment is simple; it’s to get you through the times when you “don’t want to”. You don’t need commitment when life is joyful and easy, you need commitment when you are tired, or lazy.

    One other thing you will need for effective goal setting is a feedback loop. You must have a way to measure your progress. That’s easy if what you want to do is lose weight, not so much if your goal is to “get in shape”. To be effective, you need goals, and objectives that you can measure.

    What’s the difference between a goal and an objective? A goal is your overall want and your objective is a piece of that want. Back to dieting: the goal is to lose 5 pounds; the objective might be to cut sugar out of your diet. Cutting sugar out of your diet is a step towards the goal of losing 5 pounds. See how that works?

    Be aware of your challenges and make sure that you don’t “bite off more than you can chew”. Use the feedback loop to let you know if the goal is too difficult to accomplish. Don’t give up! Moderate your goal and don’t let it become too difficult to accomplish.

    Tips to Accomplish Your Goals in the Next 365 Days

    1. Make your goal workable and reachable.
    2. Make your goal special and make it a s-t-r-e-t-c-h, it should be a little difficult. Understand that goals should challenge you. Pushing through challenge is when growth happens.
    3. Make a clear commitment and listen to your inner guide.
    4. Make sure you can measure progress towards your goal i.e.:
      • Words written per day
      • Number of jobs applied for
      • Miles run
      • Classes attended
    5. Envision yourself attaining your goals. Feel the feeling of successful goal accomplishment. Get after it!
    Unknown Source
  • Love and Relationships,  Personal Growth,  Psychology of Life,  Womens Issues

    Friendship! A Scary Idea

    Hannah Wei at Unsplash

    I was walking through a grand reopening at Aldi’s. The store was completely packed, the grocery baskets were bumper to bumper. A couple of times, strangers reached out to talk with me about little things like the aisle width or the temperature of the store. Each time it happened, I panicked. I could feel my stomach dropping and my fear escalating to the top of my scalp. The panic was for no reason, no reason at all. Friendly people were just making comments in Aldi. Something that happens in grocery stores every day all across America.

    Ironically, back at home (before the Aldi trip) I had just joined a chat room to assuage my loneliness. It didn’t occur to me until later in the day how unreasonable my thinking is.

    I am completely reluctant, and even scared, to start a conversation with a stranger. Even if that stranger is a little old lady in a grocery store, asking for help. Online, I am fearless in my quest to find new friends. What gives? And why the difference, panic versus fearlessness?

    Part of what is at issue with really reaching out to humans instead of computer screens is that humans are messy. They need you at the most inconvenient of times. They always call when you are busy and sometimes humans disagree with you.

    You can work through issues, but still not be level in real life. And this is one of those instances.

    “Trauma compromises our ability to engage with others by replacing patterns of connection with patterns of protection” – Stephen Porges

    Why make the effort to have real human relationships when, in the past, you’ve been hurt so much? Real relationships require effort, compromise and even sacrifice. There is an investment and there are times when that investment is a mistake; or it sets you up for pain.

    With quasi-relationships that are only real on my computer screen, I don’t have to make those sacrifices. I pick up my computer – when I feel like it. I respond to emails – when I feel like it. I provide comfort and support with words when I have the energy to do so, not when someone needs me to provide that support. That’s because I can put my computer away.

    Obviously, you cannot put your friend away anymore than you can put yourself away. Humans don’t operate like that. We feel when we feel, we need when we need. Real friendship develops after you have waded through the anxiety and pain of the first few meetings. It is unwieldy and inconvenient.

    Humans are messy, demanding, blubbering and even bloody. When you love them, you might end up spending time in their world and that world may not be as pleasant as your own. *Gasp*, other humans can disagree with you and even disapprove of; or be disappointed by a decision that you have made. That, my friends, can be challenging.

    And again, there is that feeling of panic that accompanied the mild overture that the little old lady in Aldi made towards me. Will I be hurt again, will she try to put me down because she is unhappy, will she treat me like Betty, Sheila or Jack? Ultimately hurting my feelings and treating me badly?

    I have to weigh it all out, but in the end, I know that the only friendship worth having is a real friendship with a real human. One that can cause inconvenience, because she calls too late at night, one that can be annoying because she doesn’t approve of my OCD habits. I’ll choose a friend that can ask me for a favor at inconvenient times. The reason I do this is simple. My computer – no matter how much reading and chatting I do – doesn’t keep me company. The computer won’t hold my hand when I am sick, hug me when I am sad or sit with me when I need a companion. A computer can’t do those things for me. So, yes, I will. I will sacrifice the convenience of my life to have my companions. I will drive 100 miles, buy gifts when I have no money, listen when I have no time. For love. And I will keep on trying. Because, that hug is worth it.

    Listening to a Friend JB August 2019
  • Economic Equality (A Goal),  It is What it is...,  Love and Relationships,  Psychology of Life,  Wise Words

    Oprah, please stop saying Karma is real, it’s not, this is…

    Scott Umstattd / Unsplash

    Please stop saying “karma is real”. It isn’t. When you say it, it implies that those people who have suffered terribly with pain and loss, somehow deserved it, by just not being good enough. If they had lived a good enough life, karma would not have zapped them and made them suffer.

    My mother worked all of her life. She worked from the time she was sixteen until she had a stroke (between shifts), as a bartender at age 67. She gave her love and her heart endlessly to everyone. The funeral director who oversaw her service, told me that he had never had anyone pass away, that brought so many visitors to his establishment. The funeral home was crowded for hours and hours, with people who wanted to see her one more time. She was so loved, and incredibly popular because of her loving nature.

    Make no mistake, my mother never caught a break. She worked and worked and then she worked some more. She was always tired and often discouraged. When her long time employer sold out; he broke every promise that he had ever made to her. It was easy for him to do, because as the owner, he had absolute right to disappoint her. Instead of a retirement fund, he gave her a small bonus and sold her to the next bar owner. Yes, much like slavery, my mother never had a say in her own life. Karma never kicked in for her. She never received economic gain from her solid and thoughtful hard.work.of.fifty.years.

    She raised seven kids in a harsh rural environment. And yet, she was the mother who took everyone trick-or-treating. She was the mother who welcomed all of the disenfranchised into her home. She was the mother who gave to all and anyone. She was lovely, she was joyful, and she was tired.

    Where was her karma? Why didn’t she ever receive the good that she gave? It wasn’t for lack of love; she gave that unconditionally and generously to anyone who crossed her path.

    I say that about the sick, the hurt and those who have suffered great injustices.

    Where is their karma, why haven’t they received good for their good? It is not the fault or even the karma — of anyone who gets sick. Sickness travels the bodies of anyone and everyone, without regard to human judgment or rules. Sickness is a physical phenomena that will attack: rich, poor, ugly, beautiful, good, bad, child or adult. Sickness does not care who it attacks. Sickness lays waste to good lives, particularly here in America, where illness is expensive, very, very expensive.

    Hear this: there is no tit-for-tat of the universe.

    Justice is a human construct.

    Karma is not a reality that westerners can adopt to make sense of their own world.

    Why do so many people believe in Karma? It’s our culture currently: the wealthy use it to justify their riches and the bad use it to justify their crimes. Everyone in between is just trying to get by.

    What is real and what works? Love works, plain and simple, love works. Loving and giving are always rewarded. Yet, it is a reward of not rewarding. The rewards are deep and profoundly felt by those who love and are loved.

    Love works, and is a gift unto itself, has no reason.

    You may want to receive because of your love, but that is not real love. Love gives, and yet is not a reward. Real love simply is. Full Stop.

  • Psychology of Life

    My Body Turmoil or Fashion at Age 60

    Youth & Beauty
    Magazines Define Beauty

    Just get over it.  I’ve been agonizing this issue for a decade…and it’s crazy how fast time flies.

    I’m not even sure when it happened.  How did I go from being sexy to being matronly?  A body figure that is staying no matter what dieting and exercise I do.  My body shape just is.  I have a European body style inherited from my Irish/Italian mother: protruding stomach and no hips at all.

    10 Years ago?

    I fought the matronly type tooth and nail, but guess what?  It has nothing to do with dress, it’s all about the body shape.  The real problem is me: I just don’t want to accept that my body doesn’t fit the sexy script of popular America.

    Why and when did this happen?  My metabolism slowed down to a zero.  Even though I have changed my entire diet dramatically and completely, I weigh the same as I did when I was eating cake.  It appears that my metabolism is evolutions way of telling me that I am no longer useful as a life producing and energy producing entity.  Dang.

    It is my resistance that is the restriction on my happiness.  I spend hours shopping for the exact right garment and nothing fits.  It doesn’t fit because, in so many ways, I am still shopping for the old me.  No, I cannot wear spandex, no I cannot wear a pencil skirt, no I cannot wear short shirts or short shorts, not if I want to have self-respect.  I keep returning clothes, or even selling them on Thredup.  The older I get, the more of my old wardrobe is useless.

    Now, I am struggling with the wardrobe of retirement.  All of those sharp and stylish career looks are useless now.  What just happened?  First my body goes south on me (literally), then my lifestyle is upended by a dramatic change: from the workforce to my home + the grocery store.

    Aww, darn it, can I just add one more complaint?  It is hot here in Florida, and no winter for the past five years has required a coat – none.  We used to need coats, if only for a week, here and there, not anymore.  So, there goes another piece of my wardrobe mishaps and disasters.

    What do I buy on my limited budget, without increasing the matronly perception?  I don’t want to be defined by my look.  However, in order to be real to myself, I have to attend to my look.  I am aware of perceptions about me, particularly perceptions that are based on my look.

    I care about how I am perceived.  How I look feels important to me.  I have read lots of blogs about aging fashion.  I do not feel that they have assisted in any way.  One website suggested a uniform for my lifestyle.  Clothing manufacturers rarely assist older and larger women.  There are few style choices: look trashy in spandex or like a tent in polyester. Choices are limited and in order to create a great look, I had to go to different places, and break into new ways of thinking to come up with a plan.  Many style experts rely on scarves and sweaters to camouflage the older woman body type.  You just cannot do that in Florida, unless you really want to look like a fool.

    My old stand-by is LLBean. I have purchased from them for decades.  They are definitely stepping up their game in blue jeans.  However, I have difficulty with getting a variety of tunic length shirts that fit just right.  As with any clothing manufacturer, sometimes a large fits and sometimes I need an extra large.

    In part, I have had to change my beliefs around clothing.  I used to have a dress-up section in my closet, it was a section strictly for working at the office. Since I have long been concerned with comfort, much of what is there is appropriate for errands and social gatherings. But, I have to change my beliefs about that clothing; it used to be off limits for weekends, or anything casual.  I can dress this clothing down, just as I can dress it up. So now, the goal is to find more purpose and use out of clothing that previously had only one function. I also can redefine how I feel about clothing in general. I used to always be looking for sales on blouses and slacks and I always had a black skirt. Now, I don’t need that kind of pressure in my life, yet it’s hard to turn off after thirty years. Note to self: Don’t buy any more blouses, and, what do you need skirts for?

    In the meantime, I can wear that pretty blouse to a friend’s house, and slacks are comfy when it’s chilly outside.

    The biggest belief change comes around and with my body. I don’t want to look like a 16 year old model – I really don’t. I also willingly relinquish that sexy look, because it is so much pressure. If matronly is what it is, then I’m going to love what it is. The truth is that it is important to redefine beauty in this culture. Feminine beauty should not be a thing that magazines and men decide it to be. Female beauty must be a thing that women decide, based on reality and not another’s perception.

    If you come across me and you make an attempt to dismiss me because I am matronly, don’t be surprised when I come back at you as valuable and attractive.

    Being Beautiful